I’m so excited over this new adventure… Etsy is doing great!!!!
My New Shops!!!
Please don’t forget to take the time to check out my shop!!! It has been updated with all the new things I have been creating – and it has been getting crazy!!!!
We have added so many additional things to the line – including beard oils, hair serums, and massage oils that will be coming soon!
I have shops on both Etsy and Facebook – and links to both are available in the shop!!!!
I will most definitely update you guys when I catch a break – but the orders keep coming and I am super excited!!!
This new adventure tho…
I set out on a mission, and by the looks of it, I’ll be arriving at my destination very soon.
The destination…. feeling free to be me and still be a functioning member of society 🤣
I knew this day was coming. Maybe not fully, but subconsciously, I knew. The inability to work has taken over my life and every aspect of it.
My bills adding up like most of the world because of the Rona.
My disability, finally becoming accepting and have actually embraced it. Exploring new adventures that I actually enjoy, priceless.
Adding the bath essentials line to my portfolio, best thing I ever did. Mainly because it’s therapeutic.
Each one of my bath essentials are made with essential oils. All ones that I find incredibly useful to deal with my C-PTSD.
And I’m having fun while doing it. Being able to explore my creative side has been so much fun. I finally get to be me.
Please stop by my shop and check out what I’ve been creating!!!
So much has happened…
It has been crazy in the world. This coronavirus being felt in every single household across the world. It is a scary time for us all. What are you doing to pass the time? For me, I have been pushing my businesses – the goal prior to the outbreak. A goal I have had for a long time. Three years in the making – and really not accepting no for an answer. I Smell Cakes and Candy a business that encompasses all of my passions. An umbrella company of sorts. Under it, baking, music and now bath essentials. Things that I do to calm my C-PTSD. Art. Creativity. Hands on in the mess. The one area that my OCD doesn’t stop me from making a mess and having fun because I know in the end, whatever I created, I created it from my heart, and my soul. And let’s be real honest for a minute. I enjoy cleaning. It is oddly satisfying – not all the time – but under stress – so making a mess – sometimes intentional so I can clean it. At least this way – the mess is a result from a build – something constructive. Something hand crafted, hand created, molded how I see it in my head. Colors. The blending, mixing, and the aftermath of what happens when I do. Never the same, never duplicated. Always different. Recipe to recipe – the end result will never be the same. Even in dinner recipes. I will use the same ingredients over and over – but I guarantee – very rarely – if at all – will what you put in your mouth will taste the same as before. Each meal I make, created and crafted differently each time. An experiment. Something I, while writing this, is correlating to how I view life. Would it be so bad, if we got a little mixed up in life, I mean the end result – it can be beautiful – as long as it is done in the purest of forms – with nothing but love.
Something I find beautiful – something others may find as a block. By why make the same thing over and over again the same exact way?
I mean in business – there will have to be some of that. People will like a product – and they want it over and over again.
But what if I can offer the same type of feeling, but with a unique experience each time?
I mean doing the same thing over and over again – and expecting a different result – that is the true definition of chaos.
Each time those around me try one of my cakes, it is a different experience each time. Each time equally impressed with the similarity and the uniqueness. Something I carry over to all aspects of my life. I love creating. All different types of art, but especially art that has a utilitarian purpose. I create things for taste, I create things for sight, I create music for the ears, so why not share with you one other aspect of my life that I find so soothing.
Essential oils – something that is so powerful for the senses. Something that we all use when we buy commercial products for healing. Something you may not even realize. Peppermint oils, chamomile, lavender. How many products do you buy on a regular basis that have these ingredients and never really thought about the fact that these oils, the smells, they give you a sense of healing just by the smell of it. When you smell an orange, automatically – it smells fresh – vibrant – it smells like GOOD MORNING. Lemon, fresh, summer, pools. These are things that are all relative. We correlate smells with emotions daily, even when we don’t realize it.
How many times has a smell brought you to a memory, a time in your life of either peace or pain? Smells can alter our mood in ways we don’t even think about, except some people, like myself, we do. I can only speak for myself; however, smells, they can drastically change my mood. I am hypersensitive. A bad smell can make me gag on a dime, a good smell can seriously change my outlook on the day or the reflection of the day. I am hypersensitive to all things. Touch, smell, audio, sight. All of my senses overstimulated on a continual basis. Often times, never getting a break from all of the sounds and smells of the world until I am 20 miles deep into the woods away from human life. Something I yearn for daily. My compromise?
Bath time.
One of my favorite times. A cleansing away of the day. Something that I have always enjoyed. It is the most private time for most people. It is the time, when the door closes, and the water starts to pour and fill the tub that I get a sense that whatever that day had brought me, it was about to wash away. A day to day baptism – even just in the shower. Bath time – always something that I could get lost in. Spending hours and hours, refilling the tub, refilling the wine bottle, restarting my reggae playlist, roll another blunt, lay back and just reflect on life, actions, reactions, and plans for the future. Something all of us could relate to. Often times I would fill my tub with several items. Bath oil, bath bomb, bath salt, bubbles. Several items just to get that ahhhhh, goodbye stress, hello relax.
In Tampa, I had a garden tub. It was fantastic. Here at the apartment – we have an apartment tub. Something I miss so greatly about the old house. Not inclusive to having a private yard with a privacy fence, and soil that I could play in. Here I have none of that, all the more reason to make do with what I have. I mean no fish cares about how big the pond is that they are swimming in, they only care to survive, but having a little more room, and a private pond is always nice. The size of my tub still doesn’t stop me from climbing in, kicking back, and forgetting the world exists long enough for Bob Marley to sing to me over and over again about “Don’t Worry – Be Happy”.
I mean most of us can relate. The day to day struggles, they will always be there. No matter what you do for work, how many children you have, how much your life sucks or doesn’t suck – there will be stress. Carried throughout our body as though it is bonded to our blood. Never to get rid of. I’ve decided to embrace it. I’ve embraced it so much that I feed it daily. I give it yoga, walking, meditation, music, therapy. I don’t ignore it anymore. I’ve accepted and I’ve embraced.
But like all things….
I am a WOMAN.
And like all women, when we embrace something, when we give it attention and love, we make it grow, prosper.
I have C-PTSD like so many others. I am not ashamed, I am not scared of it. It is my superpower. What doesn’t break us, it makes us stronger. And in this life, I would have to say at this point, my strength is much more powerful than anything that has ever been done to me, or will ever be done to me.
With that being said…
I proudly present to you Calming Chaos Bath Essentials
The bath essentials that will help calm down the chaos – even if it is just the chaos in your head.
Each one made with essentials oils that are vibrant enough to snap you into your happy place. Soaps made with oatmeal and almond oil that leave skin incredibly soft. A line of bath essentials that will continue to grow in many aspects. A lot already mapped out. The ones pictured above, all available on my Facebook Page I Smell Cakes and Candy. I’m incredibly excited about what I Smell Cakes and Candy will become will it is in full bloom. Each entity taking off in it’s own way. The insertion of the bath essentials line. Momma Rapper growing in numbers, hitting the highest numbers last month on several platforms, and having the best numbers on Soundcloud since May of 2019, back when the original Baby Girl dropped and hit 10K. I’ve been home since 2/28 and since then, the growth of my businesses – has been exponential in a very short period of time.
The reason being?
I’ve been home to nurse my businesses to life. I’ve been growing these babies for a while, and its about time to let the world see what I have been building behind the scenes in my head for so long.
And FYI –
This has all been done with very little money. Over the past few years – the investments into my businesses have been minimal. Really only paying for what is extremely necessary to move forward. Like paying to .com my page. A long time in the making – that is now done. An online shop, done. A local business, done. A music studio, done. An art studio, done. A place to share my deepest and most personal thoughts – well that has been done – since day 1 with WordPress!!! All within the walls of my home.
My safe place.
Now I am just hoping this safe place always becomes the hub of my income.
I hope you are staying safe in this global storm of sadness.
In the next post – we will talk about Safe Bubbles. My next project.
If you would like to purchase please check out my Facebook page or if you would like to donate to the cause please visit my GoFundMe or PayPal
Till next time love you sassy bitches!!!
Creating calm during the chaos…
It’s been 3 weeks since I have last worked. The transition absolutely a roller coaster. My C-PTSD calmed. The demons lying dormant right now. I’ve always considered myself a pretty flexible person; however I would say that lately not feeling as flexible. Something during therapy I have realized it is just part of my threshold capacity right now. I’ve allowed people to pounce on me for too long to where now I just feel like I will strike back at any given point. It is also a confusing time. There is one side of me that sees the benefits of all of this – then there is the other side that sees the destruction in it. Something I have dealt with my entire life. I don’t look at a decision or a choice and see good vs bad. I look at a situation and I analyze it fully and cover it from all sides to make the best choice possible; however with this – I felt as though there wasn’t really a choice. My mental health, my physical health – both just worn the fuck out.
Through the therapy sessions, and looking back to my physical health it kind of all makes since. I was 31 when I had to have my hysterectomy, diagnosed with gastroparesis not too far behind that. My hysterectomy caused from adhesions. Adhesions that were inverting my ovaries. I look back and wander, is that from the kicks to the gut? Do adhesions even get created that way? Gastroparesis – stomach paralyzed, is that from the same thing? Or is that from the hysterectomy? I don’t know. What I do know is that trying to figure out that out gives me a fucking headache.
The shit going on in the world – terrifying. People dying left and right. Here in Georgia we are on a stay at home recommendation. Essential services only. Greg now, the only one providing. I am still working. Working from home – pushing music. The only source of income I have right now. And that income – .67 last month. Granted this months numbers will look a lot better – but indie artists – we only get paid per play – and only about half a cent per play, so as you can imagine – it takes thousands of plays to make any sort of income. We did take $100 of my last paycheck from my last job to purchase some of the things we need for my Calming Chaos bath essentials line. Something I have dreamed of always running. That along with the bakery. I should be getting the ingredients this week so I can start production. I would like to build up a decent inventory so that I can get the product produced and ready for shipment once the economy is doing better. Of course if everything else in my life doesn’t fall apart in the midst of it. I have all these visions – all that could be woven together very nicely – but finding the funding for the inventory – especially when I can’t even afford my bills right now is so difficult. The Calming Chaos line – my vision for that – a line of handcrafted bath essentials that soothe the soul through the chaos of one’s own mind, or the world. Goes in hand with my bakery. Which goes in hand with the music. There are things that some times we don’t recognize because we are too busy – but smells, colors, sounds – they can all have the effect on the human mind in ways we could never imagine. These 3 things that I love so much, music, baking, and creating things that calm chaos. That is what I am good at, and that is what I need to be doing, or I will never be successful. I don’t want to be at home sitting on my ass living off of the state. I want to work, create, but with my physical and mental conditions it has to be in an environment that works for me. Working from home is really my only option at this point.
That realization I have been more and more accepting of. Especially as I walk through my day and I am able to pay attention to my physical health. I really did push as far as I possibly could go with my body, and I can tell I may have taken it a little too far. Yesterday – I had to change clothes 3 times. It is embarrassing. My kidneys weak from the flushing I have to do to get my food to move from my stomach down. Like how fucking embarrassing. “Hey honey, can you grab me some new shorts and panties please” Something Greg has been so understanding. For me though, even typing it, gets me tearing up. I’m 38. My body limited control on all faculties, including my emotions. There are days to where I do nothing but wish my body, my mind, my heart all worked normally. After a while you just feel like you are a shell of broken pieces. All just being held together with the slightest bit of hope that things will get better. After a while – even that hope is barely holding together.
There has to be more though. No one can look at me and tell me this was it. This was my life. A life full of pain – no. There has to be more. I work too hard not too. Even being at home, I’m still working my ass off. Each and every day there is at least 14 hours of hard work being devoted into my future. Each day I get up, I get on the computer and work in between constant stretching, bathroom breaks, and puppy cuddles. Not sure if I spend more time at the computer or in the bathroom – but even in the bathroom – I work from in there as well, the great thing about a cell phone. I can do everything I need to do for my music, and social networks from my phone while in there. Over the last three weeks – I have made some pretty impressive moves with all networks.  I haven’t had numbers like I do right now on Soundcloud since That’s Some Shady Shit was released. I dropped a few tracks – and even completed a collab after almost a year of them waiting. I’ve been able to go back through and clear out several clusters of messages dating back to October 2018 when the music all started. I got all the online set ups completed for I Smell Cakes and Candy for Georgia. Been sitting up affiliate program applications. Live shows. Basically clearing out all the clutter so that I can make the Momma Rapper Music a firm and profitable brand. I’ve been able to be more interactive on all platforms and even getting seen by some mainstream artists and actors – which is pretty awesome. Those pennies though won’t pay our bills. Greg and I both believe that once my ideas are up and running – we will prosper – but we won’t prosper at all if we are homeless. A stress that many in America can feel right now, and that a lot are scared of right now. The more I try to not be on disability – the more it seems to be the only option. I can’t work for someone that expects me to commit to a designated amount of time. Taking calls like a call center won’t work because just like in typing this out – I have been to the bathroom 7 times. I type 120 wpm – and yet – this has taken twice the amount of time to complete because of the constant breaks. Working for myself is the only option, or doing something that is done at my own time, not in a vehicle, and something I can break away from at any given point. For all that – I can work for myself. I know I can do this – I just got to figure out the way. I know I will. This is my time. This is the time to where I stop working for someone else for pennies on the dollar and start making real money. My pain, my broken body, that won’t stop me. This will be a long road – but I will figure it out. I always have. I was 18, a month out of high school when I had Katie, had minimal help, and we made it this far. We overcame obstacles that most people don’t.
I am a Mom, I can move mountains.
If you would like to donate to these endeavors, or help with this transition, links are listed below. I appreciate all of you, even just to have someone to write to!!!
Let’s be friends on Facebook!!!
Social networking and my unusual attachment to it 🤔
There are a lot of reasons why we do a lot of what we do on a daily basis, some known, some unknown to all but your unconscious self. Some times we do things out of habit based on mere survival. Much like what’s going on in the world at the grocery stores. Everyone hoarding instead of rationing for an equal spread across society. Soon, though because of selfishness, we may see world wide rationing on food. All very scary times for us all right now. But really my writing has nothing to do with the coronovirus, although my fear will of course be present as with all writers. I mean this is my diary of sorts, and really that’s what I wanted to talk about. Mainly because right now I’m in the bathroom plugged in and listening to It’s The Small Things In Life a beat by Greg that always makes me wanna go to Disney. It’s fun, upbeat, much like how I feel when I’m with him. To me, it’s always been kind of crazy cause Greg’s beats are different, unusual, but they match me, my music, the perfect blend of calm and chaos. The mantra I believe to be our relationship. Greg is a no drama, laid back, whatever you wanna do babe kind of king. I’m the queen with the 7 different spinning heads never really knowing where to turn, lately tho, been only feeling like 4 spinning but we will get into that later. He is completely supportive of the decision that wasn’t really a decision to stay home. He could really care less if I sit at home all day playing Borderlands 2 or played in the yard. He just wants me to be happy. For him, no matter how much money I made, it doesn’t compare to the happiness he gets to see right now with the freedom of the normal work environment, something we both know was killing me emotionally and physically slowly. Drained, rapping about it, rapping about my “back bleeding”,”soul seizing” . The song Matter Undermined still repetitively playing back knowing now, looking back, how close I was to a very very bad place, but you could also see the glimmer of hope, you can see me reaching up from the ashes of all that I had been carrying for so long that I got myself buried underneath it. Putting my life in fast forward for so long that it didn’t matter what happened as long as Katie ate at night and had a roof over her head, we was good, life could beat away, cause at the end of the day, when the sun rose, the bills had to be paid, so you get up, you cover the wounds the best way you can, be a little loud cause vocal distraction is a wonderful tool if your hiding so much. Take Robin William’s for example. I have a lyrics written in my notebook referencing him.. just one single lyric, written months ago, “somedays feeling like Robin Hood, others like Robin Williams” the confliction a brain goes through when you haven’t gotten counseling for the long list of unfortunate events you call your life. I’m 38. The list is a bit too long. Something that has apparently driven me into the red on this scale thing my therapist has for people dealing with C-PTSD. You can only drive fast forward for so long before your transmission breaks down. I’ve done a lot of good in my life. Finished college, kept my kid in activities, worked 2 jobs 70% of her childhood if not more all in the midst of a very very chaotic life. But all that good, all that fast forward, all running from whatever I’m running from was so much deeper than even I had realized.
Social media, something different and deeper for me. It’s not the fame, I’m far from that, it’s just not a goal, even tho it’s presented as one. Truth is, I’m here for that connection with people that are accepting of me and my crazy. Yes some of what I do, I get negativity. Nothing in this life that you will ever do will you not. You could have hundreds be supportive and here comes one twattlethot to inject his or her opinion about your life they just don’t understand cause it isn’t for them. Like my music. It’s story music. Each song, each one representing a situation in my life about something that has happened put into a musical form. People take it so personally when it’s not on beat. The difference with negativity online and in person? Delete and block. An option sometimes we don’t have in life. Acceptance, it’s a beautiful but rare thing, but online there are millions and just like crazy ass cults, you can always find people that get your crazy. Those, those become your friends, your connections. You need an ego boost? Post a pic on a few networks and bam, instalove! Friends, friends I have found while sitting in pain either on the floor in the bathroom or on the toilet, side of tub, or any other crazy variety you come up with when you have bad a stomach ailment too long. Something that popped up after my hysterectomy. Gastroparesis. Great, we get rid of abdominal adhesions that were inverting my ovaries only to get a stomach ailment that is not only life consuming but embarrassing. Something I talk about when it comes to the pain but not so much the involvement in the bathroom. I mean, potty time is pretty private but inside the house, not so much. One thing Greg has been very understanding and accommodating and often sits in the bathroom with me or comes every 10 minutes or so to see if I need anything for the moments when I want privacy. Which is also something that I go back and forth with. There are times, no matter what is going on in that bathroom he is there regardless of what awful things are going on, even tho I really prefer him not to see it, but it’s a part of my life and if he plans on ever seeing me, well.. some days I’m in there half the day. Army rolling towels and falling asleep on the floor, not uncommon for me. Not as often with Greg here now, he often makes sure I make it to bed. Sometimes the pain so intense, I pass out. Greg has grown accustomed to the signs. The pale hot skin, weakness, the eye roll that almost mimics a drug addicts overdose, but really my body shutting down because the pain is too intense. It’s something very odd and has scared a few. Happened at work, coworker got me home and I passed out. She couldn’t get a hold of me and almost broke into the house. Your doc tells you what not to eat, you can read books on the foods to stay away from, but in my experience, the list varies drastically from day to day. Plus, eventually the list becomes very minimal. And you would think it would be easy to lose weight but I find myself more of bouncing back and forth drastically between when my stomach is hoarding foods and fluids or when my body won’t hold anything. There’s rarely a happen medium. I was hoping to maybe start ubering but after the episodes I’ve had this week just getting people inside the home to work and back, there would be no way to be able to even do that at this point. Tomorrow we will try just some soft foods and see how I feel cause this bathroom for 2 hours at 3 times if not more a day sucks but it is my life.
How does that relate to my social media? Who else can you hang out with and share with when you are otherwise unavailable????
Stay safe you guys!!! Wash your hands!!! Isolate even unless unable to!
Team Us
Long hair, don’t care club 😘
Nothing but love…. well and a lil touch of chaos…
I Smell Cakes and Candy 