Weekend Woes

I lie to myself every weekend and say I’m going to rest, visit friends, and take it easy.

And just like clock work, every weekend something comes up, and there is no rest and still tons to do.

Now I ponder going to sleep or finishing chores so I can do absolutely Nada tomorrow.

But really will I do Nada? I wish my rise and grind button had an off switch.

When the Rooster Doesn’t Rise (not for children)

Yea ladies I would like to discuss this bedroom no rise to shine issue.

I would have to gander that if you ever had one in your hen house then you know exactly what I am referring to, but what happens when it becomes more than an occasional occurrence?

I mean we all get the drunken Rooster, the before first pee in the morning Rooster. But those are typically rare. And we understand those. But what about the times where he should have been able to wake the neighborhood? Cock a doodle Doo you into a great morning.

Well it becomes a bad morning right?

Oh Jesus the questions we ask ourselves. What happens when the Rooster rises but then falls back to sleep during? Like goodbye self esteem hello question every body part, and sink into a slight depression over his ignorance to not see all this yum yum.

Then the awkward questions afterwards. And roosters, it pisses the hens off. Like, we expect you to rise and shine. We consider it not only a disappointment in you but also in ourselves.

Yea there’s going to be questions. Whether they are voiced or not depends on the hen, but there will be assumptions of the Rooster hitting other hen houses on the way home from work. Or if the Rooster somehow bumped his head and no longer finds the fluffy hen so fantastically gorgeous anymore and has lost interest in those thick thighs. I mean the possibilities are endless.

I would like to know from both sides. The women, have you experienced this, if so, what was the outcome?

From the men, which I doubt many would be brave enough to answer, but if any takers, if you have had this issue, what was the reason why? And were you brave enough to discuss the reasons why at the time?

I am a talker, so when it has happened, and questioned it, I would always get “can we just leave it alone”

Yea sure noodle boy, I’ll just sit here and die in my feelings, pondering which bitch ur talking to this week. Hahahaha.

The Sad Side of Seduction

I had seen a meme about a woman trying to seduce her husband while he was watching TV.

I have never understood that. like if your woman is trying to be sexy, why do men have to act like they don’t see shit? Men and monkey game shit.

You know what that does? It causes her to feel like she isn’t sexy, then a few years later the man will say, you never get sexy for me anymore.

Well no shit Sherlock. It takes a lot for someone to feel comfortable in their own skin, so when a man ignores a woman’s advances it makes a woman feel ugly.

Yet these are often also the same men cheating with the hag from the corner too. Hahahaha. Like the kitty purring, why do y’all ignore that but then go pet someone else’s kitty? Like what is wrong with y’all in the head for real?

Thank God women love petting their own kitties.

Hahahaha happy weekend bitches.

Self Seduction The Things I Repeat To My Self

Life is nothing more than trial and error. In each and everything we do. If you take these as learning lessons then you can find ways to make the situation better. We don’t walk without falling from time to time. We don’t stang strong without knowing what it’s like to lay weak. It is in our struggle that we learn our blessings. Life will humble you, embrace it as a learning lesson. But it order to do so, you must be willing to educate yourself through your life. Learn about yourself. Learn who you are. This comes when you begin to be true to yourself. True to your core. And remember where there is pain, there is healing. Where there is healing, there is acceptance, and where there is acceptance, there is love.

Happy Weekend Y’all
My randomness

The Anxiety Antidote

Some of you may think anxiety can be controlled by thought or emotion – and to some degree yes it can be.  I utilize methods like meditation, breathing exercises to keep them at bay.

Unless I have a bad one.  I have closet anxiety.  One the surface I look controlled, solid.  On this inside it is like a million minions going into different directions all at the same time.

When you have anxiety – sometimes you can really be the toxic one in the relationship.

Now, let me explain.  Cause I know some of y’all like whhhhaaaaaaattt tttttthhhhhheeeee fuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk she just say.

I have anxiety, and I know I can be toxic in a relationship.

I am one of those to where when I feel fine, everything is fine, but when I am upset – everything makes me upset.

And I mean everything.  And for a man, that is a lot to deal with.  I am not super emotional – but I get snappy.  Pissy.  Attitude.  Everyone’s anxiety is different – and I know my condition crippled most of the relationships, but because I was with the wrong kind of person.

The problem is, that never once I have I ever had a man take the time to even try to pinpoint the issue, or even just accept the fact that it was just an episode, and cuddle me, instead of responding with more negativity.

I know sounds complex right.  Like how is a pissy woman asking a man to cuddle her when she is being a bitch.  Well because – that fixes it.

When someone is dealing with their anxiety – they just need someone to talk them through it.

For every person it is different, but if your spouse has anxiety – I will give you a few pointers that would have helped me.

  1.  Take some of the work off of their back.  If they are in the kitchen doing the dishes, and appear to be in an episode, grab the sponge, and tell them to go take their cranky ass to bed, or go get in the bath.
  2. If they wake up cranky, cuddle them.  Make their coffee for them – it is like a switch – showing that thoughtfulness – can really change a person’s outlook for the day.
  3. Reassurance.  I have dealt with a lot, I don’t need constant reassurance – but I do appreciate a man that can say “you are the one” and actually mean it.  Someone with anxiety – typically never feels good enough – so this helps them cope with that.
  4. Do NOT use the condition against them.  We are already self-conscious about it – we don’t need you to put it out to make us feel even worse about ourselves.
  5. Know that even though, I am a strong woman, like most people with anxiety, and I got me 95% – that 5% is when I need a soft hand on my shoulder.
  6. Don’t make fun of us.  I often stutter when I am upset.  I stutter because sometimes I get incredibly excited, and the words just come out all fucked up.  I don’t need someone poking fun at that.
  7. Be loving, and kind.

I have accepted my condition, and I deal with it.

This is the main reason why I will NOT have a man in my life that brings frustration, or aggravation.  I physically cannot handle that, nor do I want to.

To be honest, it is pretty easy to help someone through an episode, you just have to take the time to listen, to care, and to love.

Then it passes, just like all storms.

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How The Fashion Industry has Fat People Fkd Up

I have to honestly say – that over the past two years – I have really kind of started paying attention to the fashion industry.  I mean I always wanted to look good, but being fat my entire life, the options available to women were pretty much drab and outdated.

I don’t know if I am going through some type of midlife crisis to where I am more concerned now than I have ever been with clothes, and probably because of the fact that I have been introduced to Torrid.

I would like to say first and foremost – this isn’t a sponsored ad, so this by no means is a boost Torrid post – this is just my own personal experience.

I look back through pictures – pre-Torrid, and I just look at myself like meh – yea – outfits LAME.

But really what options did we have?  And then furthermore – I feel some type of way with companies in which their size 0-12 look fashionable and flirty – then you get to size 14-28 and it looks like we went back to 1990.

And do you know how crushing it is to walk into a store, and the only option you have is last winter, and winter circa 1965?  I mean honestly people – fat people like colors, shapes, patterns, different.  This is partly why I never enjoyed shopping.  Not only was I dealing with self-image issues – but it is crushing when you see an absolutely adorable pop pink dress – but it is only available in misses.  Your options are black, brown and grey.  Exclusion – cause being fat means you don’t care about yourself – so here ya go – have you some left over last year lame ass outfit.

Like why just because I am fat, can I not also get that adorable dress in my size, with the curves adjusted for a woman with a rack, and ass, and stomach included for free?  Like why do I have to look like an oompa loompa (no offense Willy) Monday thru Sunday?  And Jesus please someone make some thongs that actually fit over this ass.  I mean yea – I can find sizes that go around the waist – but I need something with some curve for the center string, so I am not digging the string out 900 times an hour.  And don’t come at with me – get a bigger size – cause I have done that too, and you know what happens, I am pulling up two strings, and pulling out 1.  Like someone help that situation.

Now I will have to say once I found Torrid, I realized there was someone who got us.  I hope to see the trend continue throughout the industry.

Just because we are fat – does not mean we don’t want to look good.

I want to slay Monday Thru Sunday.

Thanks to Torrid though – I am looking Hella cute today 🙂

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My Fat Flappers Went Flapping

I am sitting out back on my porch after uploading a lyric video blah blah blah, anyways – I caught a glimpse of my flabby arms in the video.  I’ll be completely honest at first I was going to delete and redo, but then I was like hell nah – it took like 5 times starting and stopping cause of my playful pups, like I am NOT doing this again hahahaha.  BTW side note, I give props to people who do videos, Idk if I’m just lazy or very unfamiliar with how to do all this stuff, or hell if I’m even doing it right. The shit is hard, and yall be looking good and I look fresh out Zephyrhills.  Makes sense considering that is where I am from. Y’all Zephyrhellians don’t be coming at me either – y’all know exacty what I am talking about – tank top and messy bun wearing asses. Hahaha – including me. Anyways, back to these here arms of mine.  Although not completely comfortable in them quite yet – I know I worked hard for these bitches. Like hard.

What I find crazy though – is my obsession with my arms didn’t come until AFTER I started losing weight.  To be honest – my fatter arms looked better in some aspects – because at least they were a firm fat if that makes sense.  Now I got these things that be making noises at 4:30 in the dam morning when I am jogging. Yeah – that is cute – but like I run at 4:30 in the morning – most of this area in sleep mode so flap on flappers.  

And you know something – most of what I have been told by doctors and fitness experts?  That really – you can’t do nothing about it unless you have surgery. Yeah – cause those always played out great for me (if you don’t get that reference you can find it in my previous post about thinning hair).

So ya know what – I’m gonna embrace it – cause these arms – I am grateful for – cause they work hard – whether it holding onto a combined weight of around 100+ pounds of tugging pups in the morning or typing out these words at 120 wpm – they working hard to look that way – high five fatty flaps!

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