Shady Shit Saga

I don’t understand the obsession with being shady, and this isn’t just for men. Like in general. People in general? I don’t understand why people can’t just say what they mean, and mean what they say?

Like in all aspects of life too. Lovers, friends, family. Like in all aspects.

It is the biggest reason we don’t trust people. I mean how many times have any of you trusted someone, and they failed in devastating measures? In probably every aspect of your life as well?

And like I get it, I know someone who is doing some shady shit gonna say, cause I don’t want to hurt the other person. Hey, I have said that too. That protective demeanor, yet it is really destructive. I know it is hard sometimes to have those truth talks, but really we need to start having them.

I look back at all my relationships, and I know I sit here single cause I don’t want to lay next to someone in which I have to question their intentions. And it isn’t like I don’t make attempts, but I have yet to come across a man in the dating world that holds these, what should be, core values.

Friendships are the one that is the most complex of all of them for me. Mainly because I am closed off really but just to a few select people. Most of them from hometown, and have known for a lifetime, and the select other few that have been able to handle my crazy ass. Doesn’t mean that I haven’t picked up a few along the way that had to be left in memory. Doesn’t really matter the reasons, or the whys, because at the end of the day – none of that matters. What I never did understand is why two women could be incredibly close one day, and because some thing was said, or done, and someone gets mad or offended, people run off and talk shit about each other, instead of saying what you have to say to each other. USE YOUR WORDS. And I know a lot of women do this. I would rather my friend and I have discuss this shit, and work it out – then do destroy the relationship? Even in the relationships that have fallen, and someone asks me about that person – I always respond the same way.

“We don’t talk anymore, but I wish her the best, I will always love her”

We do not have to cut each other down to makes ourselves look better.

And when you have friends and a relationship, sometimes you are just hoping no one gets too close. Ya, that has happened to me, and it only has to happen to you once before you get nervous about having your boyfriend around your friends. And like what kind of fucking life is that? Like I wanna hang out with all my peoples without having to worry about someone trying to play after hour poker.

Cheating seems to be so common. Sex no longer has emotional attachment. Everyone trying to fulfill some type of fantasy – and yet maybe if they had these conversations with their partner – maybe they would find out, they had what they were looking for the whole time..

That is where that, don’t toss a diamond looking for a rock saying comes from. The constant seeking of satisfaction, yet never achieving it, because you never take the time to appreciate love and accept a person on a different level.

I know I said to an ex one day “I don’t even know who you are, you don’t even know who you are”. When we live in a constant lie, the people around you don’t know who you are – this creates chaos.

This distrust in each that we have can only be repaired by starting within ourselves. Let’s get back to having conversations. Let’s get back to some of those core values. Let’s start being truthful. Let’s own up to the crazy shit we do.

Let’s build each other up. Not tear each other down. Life is hard – our relationships shouldn’t be. We shouldn’t have to question each other’s intentions day in day out. Stop the madness.

The Dirty Hair Diaries

I know how gross a woman that doesn’t wash her hair but once every 7 to 8 days!! Hahaha – that was my first thought too when I came across an article while researching thinning hair.

Yep, I said thinning hair.  You are probably thinking to yourself dam, she only 37 wth???

Well if you have read the blog about the surgeries I had undergone a few years ago – then you know I had a full abdominal hysterectomy.  That sent me into menopause.  YES MENOPAUSE.  I was just getting into my early 30s when what didn’t seem so bad (no period) turned out to have several, very noticeable, reprocussions but again – the surgery wasn’t optional, so I guess this over the alternative was still a win.  So what the hell does menopause have to do with hair?  Well, apparently makes your dam hair thin out – to make you feel even older than you already feel because well sometimes life just can have it’s way with us because that’s just life.  You deal and figure out ways to prevent or fix the issues that show up.  Our bodies of ever-changing vessels, that is not the same one second to the next.

So here comes the research and configuration of the plan of attack cause I am NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE, NOT YET.  I mean I know it is inevitable and sometimes it gets taken for medical reasons – and I know it grows back – blah blah blah.  Here is the thing – my hair was the one part of my body that I took pride in.  Mainly because it was the one part of my body that I wasn’t miserable with.  I took pride in it – but I was always rough with my hair.  Being in sports, and growing up with Agua Net and curling irons, well yea burn baby burn.  Once I had become an adult – I wasn’t awful to my hair – but most of the time it was up in a tight bun.  As a mother, I was running around between work, school, and kid, no time for hair care, other than the constant washing it.

I would also like to mention that not all hair products are created equal.  I grew up washing my hair with Dawn, and Sauve.  The Dawn for when we ran out of Sauve hahahaha.  Hey even as an adult – I have never been shy to stock up with some Sauve.  You gotta do what you gotta do to make it and some months it’s Pantene and some its Sauve. I am NOT talking about Sauve professionals either hahaha. Balance people, and that was always better than when we did without. Single momma y’all so be judgy all you want cause at the end of the day I know what a blessing is and so does my child.

I am not going to go into which product is better than which – cause that isn’t what this post is about.  Just pay attention to what is in your shampoo and conditioner – and with what I am about to tell you – if you follow  you will save money in both, so maybe you can spring to spend a little more since you will be using less.  Everyone’s hair is different, so what worked for me, may not work for you.  Although, I have found that it’s working for the women around me.  When my daughter lived with me, she is now an adult and living on her own, we could easily go through a bottle of each a week.  We both have long hair – and we are active – so we would wash our hair just about every day or every other day, but I would never make it past day 2 cause my hair would be so greasy.  That is of course a great reminder that your hair is gross and needs to be washed.  I have fine hair, and as people with fine hair know – looks like we poured baby oil on the top of our scalps on that 3rd day.  And plus like I live in Florida.  You don’t walk outside without being covered in sweat – so like ya kind of need to wash your hair every day, OR DO YOU?

So back to the thinning mane of mine.  So one day, I am picking up my loving daughter from her father’s.  A man I married at 18, he was 17, divorced 2 years into the marriage.  We have a weird relationship.  When our relationship ended, it ended, we never looked back.  We both moved on, and all that.  When we get around each other though – we kind of are mean to each other but playful.  Always bluntly honest.  I will call him Shrek and he will poke fun of my high forehead.  Yea I have a big forehead hahaha. I was raised with boys – so our demeanor with each other is just reminiscent of childhood friends and nothing more.  So anyways, I had to explain that because if I were tell that you that my baby daddy said I was going bald – you would be like wtf???? Hahaha – but he was right – and if anyone was going to say something it was always gonna be him or my kid – the only two people that would say it in a jokingly but loving manner.  Well now of course the whole ride home I’m checking the rear view every chance I get – running my fingers through my hair – obsessing – so I finally look over at Kate and ask her.  She says “Momma I didn’t want to be the one to tell you – but yea a little – like it isn’t bad – but it’s noticeable.”

Now here is the thing – I kind of already knew.  My hair had been shedding more than usual, noticeable in the shower.  Here is the thing though – I have long hair – down to my fat arse.  Losing hair in the shower – it is a normal process.  Like I shed hair just breathing so to see a little extra you figure it is just a stress related ordeal and you move on about your business until your baby and baby daddy wanna pop off the mouth with some true shit that got you all up in your feels about your life.

Well thank God this whole ordeal happened – because I went to the doctor and questioned him about my quick aging scalp.  The explanation was quick and to the point. I was post menopausal – this is your new life.

WHAT

UNACCEPTABLE

So I went home – bought some Rogaine and sat in the bathroom for 2 hours crying.  Then put my big girl panties on and started doing some research.  I will be straight forward – Rogaine works, but it takes months.  I didn’t like how it left my hair feeling, and I am a constant hair toucher, so I used it for a while off and on – which I am sure if you use as directed – works even better cause I was off and on with that more than my ex – and that was quite frequent hahhahaha.

Well I had went and got my hair trimmed at Walmart in Land O Lakes.  Yea – judge IT IDC – Wal-mart got the goods. Single mom’s got to do in all in one trip.  Cash the check, get them groceries, grab that dog food, get those school supplies, pick up some shoes, get that hair cut, grab you some Subway, get your kid’s eyes checked.  And all you gotta do – throw the kid in the cart and go.

So here we are – and I am asking for a very specific 1/2 inch no more, and the hair dresser – asks me “do you wear your hair that tight all the time, did you know that is bad for your scalp?” Well no, no I fkng didn’t.  Great.  So not only is my body playing against me – but I am playing against it.  If you live in Florida you would understand that it is hard to have long hair on your back, especially when it is sticking to the sweat on your love handles when your shirt lifts up. Most of the time, women with long hair only take it down when indoors for the night.

So this leads to a deep dive into my research project – looking high and low for all the dumb shit I am doing to my hair.  One of the biggest things – WASHING IT TOO MUCH.

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT – SO HOW TF AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE THAT WORK IN FLORIDA, AND WITH MY LIFESTYLE?

I AIN’T WALKING AROUND WITH NO NASTY SMELLY HAIR.

Well I came across a few articles that dicussed a few different things that I tried.  A lot of them I just couldn’t keep up with.  There wasn’t enough “cleansing” involved for someone like me who works out most days.  Well I finally came across an article about a gradual wash decrease.  So I started with that, and incorporated a few other things.  Now gradual increase was a process and defintely something you have to get used to.  It was a process that took almost 2 months.  Often because I would dead stop.  The process is quite simple.  Just stop washing it for an extra day each week.  So if you normally wash every day – you move to every other day.  Then every 3 days, then every 4, etc.  Well I finally found a schedule that works pretty well for me.  And my hair is quite thicker.  Now I have added some product – but you use very minimal amounts – and really you can use some alternatives which I will go over.  I will go over a typical 7 day schedule with you.  Again – this works for me, it won’t work for every one – but if you can train your hair to wash minimally – you will start seeing the health benefits in your hair.

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Monday morning:  Full wash – shampoo/conditioner (I alternate shampoos – but I get them all from WallyWorld y’all – just get what works for you)

Tuesday – NADA

Wednesday – NYC Primer (it is just a spritz, so it is quick and smells good, think of it like a perfume for your hair, I got a sample free from Ipsy and fell in love)

Thursday – dry shampoo at top BEFORE workout, hair mask on tips before shower.  Rinse both out in shower.

Friday – NYC Primer

Saturday – water wash, and condition tips.  I work in the yard on Saturdays, my hair gets dirt, grass, etc all up in it.  A water wash is simply just that – rinse thoroughly with warm water and really work to clean the hair out – just rinse some conditioner through the ends.

Sunday – NADA

My hair is much thicker, and stronger.  My ends are healthier.

A few other things I stopped.

Brushing hair while wet.

Over-brushing

I leave my hair down as much as possible – and use clips when possible. I make every attempt to avoid tight buns, make em loose ladies.

This worked for me, not saying it will work for you too.  I just kind of figure all those oils I was washing out – my hair needed.

By the way – when you hair is in the “dirty stage” it is easier to style and curl.

 

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Lazy Ass Men

Dating today is really difficult.  Men expect quite a bit from a woman, and commitment seems to lack.  I mean real commitment – not just committed while you in front of me, while you behind my back too.  If you are in a committed relationship – then privacy is out the window.  Have some dam integrity and be 100% in your relationship – other wise you’re just a waste of space.  Stop hurting people because you have relationship attention deficit disorder.

I have trust issues.  Deal with it – or just sit the hell down.

When you have been lied to and cheated on for most of your adult life – those little games men try to play with me – doesn’t work.

I need a real man that stands on his own – that has more going for his life than just who is in his DMs.

My rant can be found on youtube the link is below.

There is adult humor to it – so if I offend you – sorry.

Lazy Ass Men

 

Get out my face hahahaha

Actual picture of my daughter from 17 years ago hahahaha.

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Coffee in My Pocket

I average anywhere from 5-6 hours of sleep a night.  I get freaking tired.  I love me some dam coffee.  Doesn’t matter what part of the day.  All day – every day.  I typically have to discipline myself to stick to only having it in the morning.

Coffee In My Pocket – Wawa Edition

But like I had to go get my rent money – and Wawa was smelling some type of good with their coffee brewing asses.  I walk in – with just the intention of getting my money out their free ATM – and I walk in the door – and it smells like fresh brew.  Ass holes.  I mean I got the sugar free coffee – but the carb content even in the little one is still higher than I would have liked – but like it’s coffee.  I deserved it – I have peddled and waddled my fat ass through 146 miles this month.

I enjoyed every dam sip of it too.

 

Do We Ever Really Find the “One”

Love like what the hell does it even mean?

We understand it when it comes to the people we are born into.  Our mother’s, father’s, children.  That type of love – although challenging sometimes – you typically do not have to question that love.

But what about a mate in life?  Do we really ever find the “one”?

I really don’t know the answer to that question, but what I do know – is that maybe we need to stop seeking the one and become the “one”.

I will have to elaborate on that cause at this point, you are probably looking at yourself and thinking – dam girl – I am the “one”.  But are you?  How honest are you in your current relationship?  Do you expect honesty yet not give it?  Do you continue to seek a “better” lover because you “deserve” one?  Let’s be real people!  Are you candid with your loved ones?  Do you express your feelings?  Do you even know who YOU are?  I mean really DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

Having a relationship will not validate you as a person.  Self discovery is hard, but one of the most rewarding and satisfying things you could ever accomplish.  Most of my life was spent dedicated to the needs of others – and now I am discovering my own needs, my own desires.

My insecurities are always heightened in a relationship.  But do you know why?  Because I was always the chameleon in the relationship.  Bending and turning to accommodate the needs of the men I wanted to be with.  Like look at me – I am perfect for you.  But that is fake.  Things that we do to “impress” a mate are really just a deceptive way for us chameleons to get the mate they want – then wonder why we aren’t happy.  Well dumb ass we aren’t happy because we are doing what THEY want and not what I want.

And y’all know what I am talking about too.  In the dating scene we all have a tendency to pretend to be something we are not to impress the date, and even modifier our normal behaviors because it is a date.

I, as well, am guilty of this, but no more.  Moving forward any dates will be conducted with 100% raw and unedited me, because that is who I am – the true me – and that is the one I want the next one to fall in love with.  Not the edited, and cleaned version.

I found true love.

True, unconditional love.

Within myself. img_20180515_103334_991