Attached you will see some of the transitional workout pictures. I am so blessed to be where I am at today with my weightloss journey.
Consistency is Key
How Dating Could Destroy My Diet
Now this post may come off bitchy, so you must read through to the end to really understand my point of view. And once you get done, even if you are married, you will most likely understand.
Now you might say to yourself – just because you get involved with someone doesn’t mean you have to kill your diet, but you would be wrong – cause I know how I am. I know what I am capable of.
I also know how I am in relationships.
Let’s start off with the basics. From the start – a lot of dates – are surrounded by what? Yea – food. Dinner, movies, food. This is where you start to correlate foods with memories.
Then let’s go into the time. You see, someone who gets up early in the mornings to workout, well after working all day – I’m too tired to go out. The weekends come, and I have to take care of things around the house, and spend time with Marley & Leo (my pups). Now even if I do make the time, guess what happens? I go out, then go home, then I don’t get enough rest – so then no work out – then I hate you. Hahahaha.
I am also not oblivious to the reality in the success my weight loss either.
IT IS EASIER FOR ME TO LOOSE WEIGHT NOW THAT I AM ALONE
I am a cooking queen. I love to create, I love to cook for people. In my house – before my child became an adult and moved out – we ate dinner at home everyday. Now that I have an empty nest – I don’t have to cook, and often don’t. I mean it’s just me – I can make my dinners in a few minutes flat. My snacks generally consist of cheese or peanut butter but all lchf items. When I am in a relationship, I use my food to do the seducing for me. I want to cook at every opportunity to not only showcase my skills, but for level of involvement. I enjoy an interactive man in the kitchen – but one that is suggestive and not controlling. It’s fun when you find someone you love to cook with – but then again – that is again the issue – YOU ARE ALWAYS COOKING SO YOU ARE ALWAYS EATING. This goes for moms and dads too. Children are little food monsters. They are growing – they need to be fed. We eat when they eat – so yea – it is harder when you have kids, or in a relationship.
So yea – dating could destroy my diet.
Marley & Me – A Dog’s Tale
Meet Marley
I can say without a doubt – he is the love of my life. They always say dogs come into our lives for a reason – and I truly believe that. To be quite honest I was kind of in that in between stage. Wanting a dog, but knowing you can’t really afford another mouth to feed. Well the kid and I had tossed around the idea, and it just so happened about a week after that conversation – along came home a very rough-looking pup. A fat one, but a rough-looking one.
(My two babies)
OMG isn’t he just the cutest. Yes he is. I know. LOOK AT HIM hahahaha. My daughter quite beautiful too – I KNOW. I have beautiful babies. Marley was actually her dog the first few weeks – but she is young – and well I used that against her to take possession of him. I basically force adopted him hahahaha. But really she knew him and I were meant to be. Especially after the night she wanted to take him out-of-town and I had a complete crying fit – yeah – that was the night I knew I fell in love with him.
I am not joking either. My daughter can attest to this story. I was getting onto her about having the responsibilities of having a dog – and that she couldn’t be leaving during the weekends and leaving the dog to me.
Then she pop off with – well I will take him with me. HELL NO. Like it was bad enough my child was grown – but like now you wanna take my grand baby riding around doing God knows what, what if he runs off or gets hurt. He won’t know how to get home cause he just got here. Yea yea – I know – I became my mother.
The thing is – that for those 3 weeks that Marley had been here – Katie had been gone on the weekends. Me and this little one – we started doing things together. Like, everything. At the time he was a pup – I still had a regular vehicle. So he got to go to the laundry mat, to the grocery store, I mean he was little so like you could just hold him like a baby hahaha. 
Marley car rides
Isn’t he adorable 🙂 hahaha.
A bond that is really unmatched. If I had to choose to do something with friends or Marley, it’s gonna be Marley. I mean after all, he has been there through a lot. And he is always down to do whatever.
All I got to say is “Marley wanna go ______” and he is like yep. I could say let’s go to bed, he would be like, yep. Wanna go on a walk, YEEEPPPP. Wanna dance, yep. Wanna throw fetch, yep. Wanna sit out back and watch the stars, YEP. He really does enjoy those things – or he is just pretty good at playing along hahahaha.
Marley nap time
He gets me through the tough times. He makes me laugh when I am sad. He loves me unconditionally, despite how I look, how I feel, he is always there. If I want to eat junk food, he says nothing, he just wants a bite, he is most definitely my partner in crime. He is tough when he needs to be, even though he acts like a baby sometimes – when called to arms – he is there.
To be honest – he reminds me a little of my dad. He does the things I know my dad would do if he was still here, and that would be comfort and protect. Two things I’ve never experienced from a spouse, I at least had the blessing of having that growing up. Something many people lack, and probably why I pose as a challenge for most men – because a weak man will never be a good match for me.
Yep, a Daddy’s girl. Raised in the mud, tough as nails, a mouth you can’t control, witty and wild.
There are a lot of things that I know I would have never done alone, that I have been able to do because I have Marley by my side. And a lot of those things have to do with my father.
As I mentioned in a previous blog post – we spent a great deal of time outdoors, as a family, building cypress furniture. Even as kids, all of us, my cousins included would gather around a peel bark – or do whatever to earn money to able to go to the store.
Yea sounds crazy – but it taught us how to earn a living. Nothing in life is free, NOTHING. It cost someone, something, somehow, in some capacity, even if it is free to you. Most of us picked up some tricks of the trade, and while my skill is nothing compared to the boys of the family, being the only girl – I can still build some shit.
It had been a long time since I had picked up a hammer, other than to hang picture frames. I always loved to build things too. That wasn’t really an option in the second marriage. My vision didn’t line up with his – so it was better to just set that to the side, it was better than arguing.
You see, I got Marley at a time where I was transitioning into the single life, once again, and this time, in a different capacity than ever before. At the time I didn’t know it, but looking back now. I don’t know – he brought me companionship in a time where I needed it the most.
As I have said previously, single life isn’t for the weak. There are a lot of lonely nights – and often times you can find yourself losing sleep, or losing yourself. Trying to analyze your life, trying figure it all out. Scary nights. Getting used to the silence. It was all scary. Yes, even though I hate to admit it, even those crying nights. You might say, well you got a kid. Yea – a grown one, and even two years ago – she was still 17 – she was still gone most weekends.
Well do you know what happens when you get a pup? They keep you busy. They give you someone to talk to. They kiss your tears away. They curl up to you when you need them. He makes me laugh. He protects the house. He watches movies, and even is my personal trainer. Yep my personal trainer, cause he loves him some jogging.
Marley Playing
With having Marley by my side, I guess in a way – it helped me learn more about me, because I am more willing to do things alone, because really I am not alone. He is here. He helped me paint the house we are in, helped me build quite a few picture frames. He stands in the kitchen and watches me cook without saying anything when I am sneaking some snacksies. Probably cause he just waiting on his.
Most people think he got the name from the movie, but actually after The Marley family. And while I joke that Marley is nothing like his name intended, cause he has no chill, in reality – he name is very suiting. He brought me love and peace at a time in which a war was raging within my soul. He helped me get back to my creative and adventurous side. He is my peace. I mean you walk into your doors, and like how could your day not be left at the door, when they are so excited to see you??? Like they love you – even if you are covered in sweat, dirt, they gives no fks. They like come here let me lick yo face! Hahahaha.
So the next time you look at Mars and say he isn’t my son – you can kiss my jelly fish.
Marley & Me
Mourning a Loss
It has been 14 years today that my life changed forever, it was the day I lost my father. I woke up with intentions of it being a good day – and I was going to stay positive. Sometimes even driving your mindset it the right direction – it decides to derail and take you through some rough terrain. And that is okay. I know I am processing and coping. As each year passes – different emotions surface.
My dad left 3 ladies down here to fend for ourselves in a very unkind world. He was our rock, and we each have learned to stand firm together, but alone.
I am still coping. I have great parents. I love them both dearly. Fly High Daddy – your Princesses are down here thinking about you and how much we miss you.
Tonight – I will be curled up in blankets and pictures.
I promise I will be up and cheerful again in due time.
The Many Men and Why Women Think They Are All the Same
Partly because most are the same, just in different ways.
Let me explain this.
I don’t believe this is just for women either. I’ve come to know that men often feel these same feelings, that trust is now a thing of the past.
We constantly seek acceptance, however we are never accepting of ourselves. A feeling that often leads us in finding fullfilment in a spouse, which always leads to failed, pressured, heated and intense arguments.
We have become a society that seeks the next big thing. We are constant seekers of improvement but we try to improve in the wrong ways.
Men and women alike look around themselves and looks at their spouse and says, hmm how can I improve who they are to suite my lifestyle? And if they don’t comply, what happens? The seeking begins, looking for one that will comply.
For men, it is often times a physical denial. If a woman doesn’t fulfill a sexual desire, a man will seek it. I have come to know, that often times it isn’t because a man is just horny. Often times it’s because he has a feeling of rejection. For a man, sexual rejection is like a stab in the soul.
Women, they are emotional seekers. So if a woman doesn’t feel emotionally satisfied, she will begin to seek. When a woman gets emotionally shut down, the insecurities begin because she doesn’t feel valued enough to have her opinion mean something. So when a man comes along, with an open ear, she is eager.
Most of the time, we seek to fix each other, instead of fixing ourselves. Then by sticking it out with the wrong ones, we feel like we are stronger, because we accomplished something by modifying someone’s negative behaviors.
What I have noticed too, that yeah we modify their behaviors for sure. They get sneakier, better at their deceptions.
How will you know who you are if you are always modifying who you are to fit someone else’s idolization of who you should be?????? ~ The Momma Rapper
I know I am different, and I’m okay with that. I will continue to be the truth in a false world.
My Turmoil Over The Truth – The Deeper Side
Yes, for me, there is turmoil over the truth.
You see, I am very much a truth seeker. And not just in the relationship sector of my life, in just about any aspect of my life. I mean I can read an article, and if it sounds a little off, I am verifying, and researching. I mean, part of that is why I am good at my regular job. I am incredibly analytical, and that ladies and gents is a huge issue in relationships.
Most of my jobs have surrounded around finding errors, or missing links between data. Now I am not saying that I don’t make mistakes, I am human, and often times when typing – I am thinking so fast – that sometimes I miss words, or I may have a grammar error from time to time. I have a fast paced life, along with a phone that is on its last leg – with plenty of broken glass that I take a risk my life on every time I am on it. Hey times are tough, and really I am able to accomplish the things I need to, so all is well for now.
Now take that error finding personality and apply that to your home. Now if honesty and integrity in relationships was still a valid thing, then this probably wouldn’t be an issue; however, I become almost a challenge to a man. And we all know how men love a challenge. Like, hmm, she good – let’s see how good, let me see what I can actually get away with before she catches on.
Well not very far. You see, when a women tells you she is analytical – pay attention to that – because that means that by nature, even if she seems like she isn’t paying attention, she is. This translates to knowing your schedule/ routine, and close to the minute.
Well you might be thinking – well okay – most people do. Yea – well do you know many minutes your spouse’s shower is,or how long it takes them to cook breakfast? Basically being able to walk through their life in my own eyes, but for me, it translates to numbers.
I don’t even do it intentionally – and it isn’t immediate or overnight – it is the repetition of events that stick to my brain. It isn’t like I am calculating either, but certain things correlate for me. For example, if you listen to music in the shower, you listen to 3 songs, depending on the type of music – typically you can expect most songs to be between 3.5 to 5 minutes in length, so typically you can expect your shower to be between 10.5 to 15 minutes in length. It’s the correlation that makes markers in my brain.
To further that, when people speak to me, my brain is in auto pilot and draws out a picture in my head of the events taking place, and typically can pick out errors in stories. I don’t know – it is verbal connectivity. I love it for work purposes – and hate it when it comes to my own personal life.
Yea – I said that – because sometimes ignorance is bliss. Maybe if I was living in a world where deception wasn’t the new truth – then yea it wouldn’t be an issue. And like I get it. There is so many outlets available to people to pursue infidelity. Everyone promising everyone to be better than the last one – but really – it is the chase people love. Not saying there aren’t people out there that find the “one” and live happily ever after – I am just saying there is a group of us in which this is our reality.
I am not being bitter either. How many of you would HONESTLY hand their spouse their phone, and have no concerns what so ever? And I mean complete transparency too? No deleting. If your spouse had access to your data files, and was able to sift through ever since piece of your life on that phone, would you have concerns?
I don’t believe in privacy in a relationship. Yea – yea I know – OMG. How horrible. Say what you want – but if a man is going to be laying next to me, and inside of my body – well then there is no privacy. Sorry not sorry. Not off the bat – but if I am in a long term committed relationship (which is often when this starts happening), then yea. You start acting shady – what’s up – what you doing?
You want privacy with your phone – I am gonna need some privacy with this p*****. I know sounds bitchy – but hey – whatever – it’s my life, and honestly – if you value that phone and what is in it – over your relationship, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.
When you are in your twenties you concern yourself with relationships, by the time you get to be my age – late 30s – you just want honesty and security. My pursuit of happiness now most definitely does not include a relationship. I am completely emotionally disconnected from the male population too. Any advances are often not noticed, and even with they are noticed – I promptly reject the idea. Not today Satan. I am not joking either – I have no intention nor want the distraction or frustration that comes with dating. I am not ready – and I don’t have to be.
I want the type of relationship that includes honestly. I want a best friend. Your spouse is the only one that should know the deeper side of you (in all ways hahahahaha).
Have a great week 🙂
Starbucks Therapy
My Five Minute Attitude Adjustment
Today is a rough day – but you know what? That is okay – not every day is going to be rainbows and butterflies.
So what does today call for – some perky love from Starbucks. I had me a gift card, and the wonderful young man at the Fowler location whipped up some good good.
While he has no idea what he did for me – there is a reason why we call some foods, comfort food.
I simply asked the man to make me something sugar free, that is comforting – and he made it happen.
To the gentleman at that location – high five buddy – you did a great job.
Sometimes we don’t know what people are going through – he didn’t know what I was going through – he didn’t have to. He paid attention to what I needed and he delivered. And I am thankful for that. I got back to work – feeling much better.
He doesn’t know how much that little cup of joe meant to me – but it calmed down my nerves, so that I could have me a nice attitude adjustment.
Thanks Starbucks.
When the Rooster Doesn’t Rise (not for children) Bedroom Talk
Yea ladies I would like to discuss this bedroom no rise to shine issue.
I would have to gander that if you ever had one in your hen house then you know exactly what I am referring to, but what happens when it becomes more than an occasional occurrence?
I mean we all get the drunken Rooster, the before first pee in the morning Rooster. But those are typically rare. And we understand those. But what about the times where he should have been able to wake the neighborhood? Cock a doodle Doo you into a great morning.
Well it becomes a bad morning right?
Oh Jesus the questions we ask ourselves. What happens when the Rooster rises but then falls back to sleep during? Like goodbye self esteem hello question every body part, and sink into a slight depression over his ignorance to not see all this yum yum.
Then the awkward questions afterwards. And roosters, it pisses the hens off. Like, we expect you to rise and shine. We consider it not only a disappointment in you but also in ourselves.
Yea there’s going to be questions. Whether they are voiced or not depends on the hen, but there will be assumptions of the Rooster hitting other hen houses on the way home from work. Or if the Rooster somehow bumped his head and no longer finds the fluffy hen so fantastically gorgeous anymore and has lost interest in those thick thighs. I mean the possibilities are endless.
I would like to know from both sides. The women, have you experienced this, if so, what was the outcome?
From the men, which I doubt many would be brave enough to answer, but if any takers, if you have had this issue, what was the reason why? And were you brave enough to discuss the reasons why at the time?
I am a talker, so when it has happened, and questioned it, I would always get “can we just leave it alone”
Yea sure noodle boy, I’ll just sit here and die in my feelings, pondering which bitch ur talking to this week. Hahahaha.
The Suga Woes
A little background about me and food, I love to create. It’s experimental for me. Scientific. Especially sugar. A very universal and divine creation by God that has a wide range of capabilities including but not limited to making your thighs magically grow. Now listen this isn’t a sugar bashing blog post, I mean after all I am an amateur baker, so don’t get it twisted, I respect sugar and it’s place in the kitchen. However; I have taken it out of my day-to-day life, and use it as intended, as a treat, and on occasion only. Now that sounds easy, yeah maybe if you aren’t from the south – where the preferred drinks are sweet tea, and sugary milk coffee. Now I make some of the best sweet tea in Pasco County. My Nannie had them sweet southern cooking skills, we know how to make a 2 cup sugar strong sweet tea that is the only thing that saves you from the hot Florida sun on a summer day when you’re doing yard work. Yea I know about that life.
Now like I said in my last blog post I was going to go into what I did differently. Well one of my friends was doing the Atkins diet and I kept hearing rumors about the keto diet. Well, really they are about the same diet. When first considering it – I was like ugh this diet won’t work – lots of grease, lots of heavy protein – and with my gastroparesis – I just didn’t think the diet would be for me. Well still thinking about doing some of the things from the diet – I started really considering the giving up the sugar. I was reading so many reports about sugar and what it does chemically to the body. So I figured what the hell – what do I have to lose? It is the one thing that I hadn’t taken out of my diet, the sugar in my drinks.
So in November I started trading out my coffee with stevia. Wasn’t bad – and I also liked the flavor ideas with the heavy whipping cream – although I never did the butter thing in the coffee – I just couldn’t. I mean it’s supposed to be wonderful – it’s just I can’t get past the idea of drinking butter, although I love the stuff. Anyways. I was noticing that by not waking up and injecting my body with cane sugar – but with stevia, some of my cravings had died off. I wasn’t craving the candy bowl at work as much – and was more so craving water over tea. I also noticed something else – the first week I dropped 4 pounds – and all I did was give up sugar in my coffee.
Well come January 1rst – and clearly having a midlife crisis since I now have an empty nest – I really started kicking the research into over drive. I researched how keto was utilized in so many different treatments and how people were feeling. So I decided to give full keto a try. I kind of still don’t eat a lot of red meats – because they are heavy on my gut – but I do eat a ton of chicken. The biggest struggle – my dam sweet tea. I was a gallon solo a day drinker during the summer. Don’t set there and judge me unless you dined at my table and had some cause you don’t know – better ask some body hahaha. Here’s the thing though – the definition of chaos is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different result. I analyzed my habits. Tracked my food intake on myfitness pal cause it’s free – and if you aren’t tracking – and trying to lose weight – you are at a complete disadvantage and you’re probably making it harder than it needs to be – and most of the time some minor adjustments to your diet could yield major changes and results. Every body is different – therefore every diet should be catered for you and your lifestyle. I recommend a nutritionist if you can afford one – but if you can’t that is the best place to start. And why do a crash diet? Like make trade offs one by one? Why torture yourself? I monitored my food intake, started just trading off things. I am on a low carb high fat diet, but did it gradually, and still continue to modify because routines get modified, so your diet needs to be adjusted. For the first few months on keto – I did no physical exercise what so ever – at all. It really is a great diet, single-handed. After you get past the first two month are so, you really get into the swing of things – you just have to stick with it and trust the process, and remember to not let one day ruin your attempt – just jump back on. You also really need to listen to your body. Notice the way you feel and remember that if you are doing the keto diet – you really need to research it, cause I hear a lot of y’all talking about you stayed at 20 carbs a day – for like 3 months – that is NOT the meal plan and you should be cycling – but I mean you live your best life hahaha. Do what you want. When I start feeling worn down – I know a higher carb day is in order. Just remember that this shouldn’t be done until you gain control over the diet – again, for me that was around the end of month two. The diet must be followed on point in order for it to be the most effective. Research, buy a book, and really give the process a chance if that is the route you are going. For some reason keto just had this effect over me. I know how I feel when I stick to it, and I know how I feel when I don’t and really it’s a huge difference. Keto, more than any other diet helped me balance my plate a little better. I still eat breads, but like 1 week a month, and generally some type of Arnold Bread – because I find they taste the best – and also have fewer carbs than the rest of the breads.
If you get into the habit of saying meats, cheeses, healthy fats, vegetables, you will remember the things that you can eat.
There is a lot that I have learned along the way – like did you know the harder the cheese – the lower the carbs? In example, extra sharp white cheddar is a little better for you than a softer cheese like a colby? See little tradeoffs to lower the amount of your daily carbs goes a long way.
That
is where I began.
In the next episode I’ll talk about how I got off my fat ass and got to working out and how I have managed to clock in over 200 KM the last two months, but also how that freaked up my diet for a minute.
P.S.
For those of you that like videos you should check out my youtube channel
Naked Beauty – Find Your Sexy – Self – Love
The title means exactly what you think it means. Yes ladies, I am talking about feeling beautiful when you are naked. The moment a lot of women fear, self-hate is a norm for us, but I am here to explain to you how I fixed that – and easily too.
No, I am not going to go into the working out, and all that. I mean in reality – you guys know working out – eating healthy – creates healthy mindsets – I don’t need to be the one to tell you that, I am here to tell you that selfies can cure your self-hate image of yourself, or at the very least help some.
For me, up until my life become a solo mission – I had self-image issues. Every insecurity you could think of – fear of mirrors, no photo please – kind of personality. Well now, not so much, now I am like ooo hey girl hey, to myself. And I did that by playing dress up in some sexy stuff.
OMG I know I sound like I am 5. Here is the thing – IDC. I went and bought some sexy stuff. I mean some pretty sexy stuff. Stuff that I thought was cute – and since I am on a solo mission – trying to find things that fit a man’s vision isn’t a concern for me. I buy it for me. I then took these items home, and try them on. In front of a mirror. I take some videos, snap a few pics, then sit back and look at all that glory God has bestowed upon me.
The first time it was hard. I could see every dimple in my thighs, I could see that my waist was so wide, that my ass looked flat from the backside. There were all these imperfections, but then I noticed something, when I stopped looking at all the little imperfections, and I looked at myself as whole person – I didn’t look bad at all. Like dam girl where you been my whole life?
Yea I know cocky right? I don’t care. Cocky sure the hell beats depression.
Now it takes some time. And this is something I still do to this day. Since my body has been changing from losing the weight – I am discovering a whole new body. Even without the weight loss though – I was/am discovering my naked beauty.
My most vulnerable stage, and I am presenting it to myself. It is a honesty thing. Acceptance thing. This is me, and I am beautiful.
I am undoing what has been told to me for many many years.
I mean after all – why in the hell do we allow someone else’s voice carry more value than our own?
No one knows the inner you – more than you – stop giving people that much authority over your thoughts and emotions. Your voice is stronger than theirs, and your voice will be heard more by you than theirs.
I would like to challenge all my friends to do the same. Find your sexy – within you – by you. Build your confidence. Make is solid – then it can never be shattered.
Flaunt your fabulous 🙂
I Smell Cakes and Candy 