Am I Being Lied to? Hell am I lying to myself?

Yesterday was a pretty tough day for me.  Mainly because of some family issues that rose up, then of course the kick back of negativity yesterday in regards to my music, and my choice in music.  A racially motivated comment, followed by a religiously motivated comment, followed by a Youtuber that had formed his own opinion and quite frankly simply wanted to let me know that I can’t rap.  Now I will say that most people have been supportive of my music, but yesterday in particular I got hit back to back with negativity.  Now I am a strong woman – so the negative stuff – it’s really just their thoughts and opinions, and by no means do I let these comments or feedback get me down.  I analyze the data at hand.  I review it – and that is at the point that I am at now.  If the data is not working – then some recalculating is in order.

Now I am not going to stop making music for anyone, but maybe I should stop sharing it.  A lot of people that are new – and listen – they don’t get the back story.  The story that starts with me on August 23, 2018 with my first talk through poetry video.  In two months, I have over 4k views on Youtube, and 1k on Soundcloud, and also received Singer Spotlight for Bandlab in November.

But let’s be honest – my views are so high because I push my music.  No, I don’t send it to people, I post it – and a lot as well.

I am getting hit from all different avenues with the negative stuff.  An old white male – stuck in the 20’s with his “just because you date black people doesn’t mean you’re a rapper” – which is like WTF – first off – I am not dating anyone, and furthermore; I am not only color – blind – but I fall in love with souls.  I have no gender or race preference.  If you treat me with love – I treat you with love.

What makes a person a person, is most definitely not on the outside.  Your thoughts, your emotions, and your heart – they are all internal.  What you look like on the outside has no bearing or affect on what kind of human being you are.

 

Finding my voice has been amazing – but the negativity – although anticipated – really does make you question what you are doing.  I guess this is that cross roads path a lot of singers talk  about.

I know my music is different, and raw – unedited (kind of the point) but maybe it is so different – that maybe it isn’t for the world.  Maybe this music should only be for me.

Till next time…….

I’ll Keep you posted about the Single Mother Shuffle….

 

 

 

Fat and on the Mat

Fat thighs, pretty eyes, you will never get away with lies. 😄😄😄😄😄

Hahaha I love starting my mornings with Yoga 😎 especially considering I’m in my jammies still hahahaha

I also like to multi task. 😄 Stress relief, back pain relief, clarity, mindset. All in 30 minutes 😂 cause I’m a busy Momma and I got lots to do 😍😍😎😍😎

Yep Fat and on the Mat 😂😂😂

Bet I flex tho hahahahahahaha 😃😂😎😎😎

In other news 🤔 them curves 😘😘😘😘😎😎

Seriously tho even being fat, yoga has been a life saver. Often times my back is killing me from doing my heavy hitting combo of sitting in an office for 8 hours followed by standing for another 8 hours. My relief is yoga.

Now if you have been following me, I often talk about finances. I am poor and I found some free fantastic yoga videos on YouTube 😎

And like Adriene is absolutely amazing. She has videos for every kind of ailment 😂

If you have mental health issues, body pain, stress, then get you some. Even being fat, she gives you alternative positions for us larger ladies. I swear you will never feel better if you give Yoga a chance.

I have attached her link below 😂😎

This one is the one I do most often but she also has so many others. And for those that are new, do the 30 day, so you can learn the positions 😂😎😂 happy centering yourself 😎🤗😎Yoga With Adriene

Running Game? You thought! My Relationship Revenge

Running Game

Ever had someone who you were with that thought they were running game?  But you had already known – and in fact were running game every since you had found out?

I am a reactive person.  So however you treat me – you are going to get it back.

Now I know two wrongs don’t make a right, but I consider it more of a life lesson.  I came into a relationship with honesty and loyalty.  I catch you slipping, and I am going to make you feel stupid.

I make sure that person knows too.  I only play along for a certain amount of time, then bam! I bust it wide open with the truth, including what I was doing.

Kind of goes like this:

Him:  Hey baby

Me: Heyyyy

Him:  Wanted to see if you could swing by tonight.

Me:  Oh, yea sure, but it would have to be after this date.

Him:  What date – what the fuck are you talking about?

Me:  Oh, so you know how you had went to the movies with Tammy 3 weeks ago?  Yea I heard that movie was pretty good, so when Jarrod asked me on a date – I figured I would watch the same one.

Him:  What the fuck?  Who is Tammy, what the fuck are you talking about.

Me:  sends picture

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Photo by Nathan Engel on Pexels.com

 

Him:  Look she is just a friend.

Me:  Oh yea and so is Jarrod, but really hoping to make him a friend with benefits.

Him:  You’re a fucking bitch.

Me:  Yes I know – maybe next time you will think twice before you take your date to the movies where 1 of my (900) cousins works at.

Yes I know it is awful.  But someone needs to turn this little boys into men, and maybe they will at least think twice before next time.

We all know he still looking over his back.

HAHAHA

Boy BYE!

 

 

Singer SPOTLIGHT in BandLab so happy I’m shaking

BandLab Blog Post

Please take a moment to read 🤗🤗🤗

You guys I am just absolutely in love with how they completed the article interview.

Please take a moment to read, you might find out some interesting things 🤗🤗🤗

Love Lies

It really does right?

I mean how many times have you mean in a relationship, and felt as though it was a Firestorm of emotions, only to be left feeling like what the fuck?

Firestorm is a nickname I had given myself for my fierce attitude and flaming red hair.  I mean if you knew me you would really understand.

We will completely and utterly crush our own soul just to have some type of involvement with a man – just so we won’t be alone.  And I know I am not the only female that has done this.  I have legit sat across from a man – and listened to him – while in my head I say to myself  “Why do I subject myself to such a destructive, demeaning, narcissistic dick head?”  And for what?  For that chair not to be empty?

I mean yeah – now – I am like nah – I don’t even want anyone to look at the chair.

But this was kind of along the transitional phase.  Then there is those few attempts I have made at dating.  And let me tell you how the one that was just like wow went.  So yeah – I met a guy on POF – for the sake of the story we will come him Lemon.  Well Lemon and I met for our first date – it went great – like really great – but then came the second date.

And let me tell you how it went downhill so fast.  Now listen there was a dry spell – so yea I had slept with him the first night we met in person.  Jesus I know – I’m a whore.  What ever, we all know half y’all are on Tinder, despite half y’all denying it  And no different then meeting someone at the bar – at least I had talked to him for a while before I let him come to the castle.

Anyways – it was great – then like yea – second date.  Where it all went wrong.  And the aftermath has me, to this day, quite nervous to even test the water in the dating pond.

So we go over to his house and then I realized yep THIS IS WHY I AM FUCKING SINGLE

Like let’s start off with the fact – that him and his mom live together.  Now listen – I get it – no sense in having your own place – financial – etc – BUUUTTT

If you live with your family – and intend on the person staying the night – I don’t know – how the f a woman supposed to be comfortable rocking the rodeo if your momma, is 5 feet down the hall.  Legit, 5 feet.  In a condo.  That he supposedly “co-owned” with his mum.

WHICH WAS A LIE

Now listen ladies.  I have be single for a while.  But dead ass, I don’t give a dam how much fun a man is, if you come through and I cantch you in even the smallest lie, your done.  Like done done done done…  The crazy thing is – if he would have told me he was in a financial bind, I would have understood.  There was nothing to be shameful about.  I struggle, like dam I get it.  There is no shame in struggle, only in deception.

I will never be desperate enough to let a man into my soul with impure intent, deception by any manner goes to the quality of your morals.  If you “casually” lie – I know what you are about.  And the truth always comes out – cause I am fkng paying attention.

But it didn’t stop there.  I mean I could almost understand why he wouldn’t have been forthcoming with that, due to ego.

Nah – that would be too easy right.  The second failed moment – was when I was asking a question about the mural on the wall in the hallway – and he had disregarded it and actually said “shut up”.  Like wow ass – like I am trying to learn – I am trying to engage – and you are just like shutting me down.  Now he was laughing when he said it – but he wasn’t really playing, and you could tell – cause he changed the subject immediately to an interest that better suited him.  Like my ass.  Which yea it is pretty dam great – but I like engagement on more than a physical matter, so when you shut me down with something that is sexually related, I knew what he was about.

And here is the thing, I have already went through a controlling relationship – I have healed, so the first sign of control is shutting down, or belittling someone so that they feel weak and unloved, so that they never leave.  It is manipulation at it’s finest.  And I am not the type of woman – this has to be done to.  I don’t need a variety pack of men to feel happiness. Clearly I have none, and I am incredibly happy without – so unless you are able to let me be who I am and enjoy life, then you won’t be in my life.  #facts

 

 

 

 

 

Fat to Fit in Fast Forward – Transforming Life

See the transition

Attached you will see some of the transitional workout pictures.  I am so blessed to be where I am at today with my weightloss journey.

Consistency is Key

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Let’s Talk Money – Fiscal Fitness

I don’t have any – but I do have a lot of great advice on how to make poor look pretty.

This is the best advice I give anyone in regards to finances.

First you need to determine your needs, vs your wants.

How do you discover that cause we all need everything?

Well if you are poor it comes easy – but for the rest – this might be actual work, but I make it easy.

So you are trying to figure out where to start with a budget because you need to save some money, or have something planned, and you are trying to determine what things you can keep, and what things you need to stop.

I will make it super easy for you.

Take the expense – and make it into an annual expense – and best believe you will be more than happy to trim some of that excess spending.

For example:

NAILS

Are you a woman who get’s her nails done every two weeks like clock work?

What does it cost you ANNUALLY to have those beautiful nails?

Now let’s go with the lower cost – 20.00 (average in the Tampa Bay Market for a basic fill).

There are 52 weeks in the year, so if you are getting them done every other week – cut that in half.

So now you have $20.00 x 26 fills = You just spent $520.00 annually on your nails, if you were to only spend 20.00 and we all know – you never just spend the $20.00 unless you absolutely have to.

That is an incredible amount of money on nails.  This is how I survive on minimal income.  I translate everything into annual costing – and I make my decisions based on those numbers.  Of course this is easier when you have no money, than when you do have have money.  If that is the case, you will need discipline as well, but annual calculations will assist by making you more inclined to cut off unnecessary expenses.

 

Happy Budgeting Bitches.

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