The Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie

There’s really only one thing, that even I forget to do sometimes when making chocolate chip cookies but makes the difference ten fold.

Melting ur unsalted sweet cream butter with ur brown sugar. 💯💯

I put my butter and brown sugar in a pot and melt together, just until some what blended. And on middle low.

Let cool for a smidge 😍 it gives it more of a toffee taste 💯🙌💯

And half bake them 💯💯 once the edges are A LITTLE brown, take em out and let them set 💯

Ur family will be like 😯😯

Leo Waiting on Santa

Leo waiting on Santa 😏

His First Christmas 😘😘💯💯💯🤗🤗🤗

And fyi for any thiefs out there thinking there some thing special under that tree, unless u need Pantene, towels, mousse, blankets, or clearance clothes u would be wasting ur time hahahaha.

I don’t even have cable so there most definitely not any electronics under there with y’all stealing people’s shit 🙄

People work hard for what little they have maybe u should try it 💯💯💯 hell most do it ALL YEAR TOO 😯😯 ITS A CONCEPT

Leo Waiting on Santa

Leo waiting on Santa 😏

His First Christmas 😘😘💯💯💯🤗🤗🤗

And fyi for any thiefs out there thinking there some thing special under that tree, unless u need Pantene, towels, mousse, blankets, or clearance clothes u would be wasting ur time hahahaha.

I don’t even have cable so there most definitely not any electronics under there with y’all stealing people’s shit 🙄

People work hard for what little they have maybe u should try it 💯💯💯 hell most do it ALL YEAR TOO 😯😯 ITS A CONCEPT

Christmas Ornament Cookies

So I seen the stained glass ornament cookies and decided to give it a go.

It’s a pretty basic concept. 😌

Beat the shit out of Jolly Ranchers and put them in the center of the sugar cookies.

Now I attempted doing round ones to make them as gifts for work. I’m poor people, plus work fam prefers that good good hahaha.

So anyways.

I was like hmm. Round ones with butterfly centers and hearts. Perfect 🤔💯 it’s so me 😯

Well like most ideas gathered from internet readings, they did not come out as expected.

Now I looked up about 20 different methods, etc.

I still fkd them up but they pretty hahahaha.

We gonna call them diamond cookies lmao.

DIY Wedding😍 We get it done

If you have been following me on Instagram then you know my baby girl is getting hitched.

Yep I may talk a lot of shit about men but I do believe in love as well and have taught my daughter to love abundantly. Well that bit me in the ass cause here she is getting married.

Well due to limited funds (thank God for this merger at work cause I scored some overtime or IDK hahaha), we are DIYing up over here.

I will say though even if we had money, we would still be DIYing our hearts out because it makes it special. You make not think so, but some of my best memories with my daughter is making stuff. We didn’t have cable when she was growing up, except in one apartment where it was included in the rent, but we were only able to stay there for 2 years. Well I’ve never really been a TV watching person anyways. Even when we had cable, we were at the community pool or tennis courts. We felt hella rich living there but to be honest the rent was low cause they were starting to get ran down. The neighborhood next to the apartments took a turn for some sketchy vibes so it flowed over into the apartments. That was also temporary too. Someone bought the apartment complex and redid it, the reason we got to move in, was also the reason we had to move out. After the new company bought the apartments and the lease came due, the rent went up.

We stayed for another year after that, struggling more and more each month. Then the ex~husband moved out and then of course once the lease was up, my kid and I had no choice but to move.

Something, unfortunately, I had done that quite a bit to my princess. I will say though, she gained a lot of friends along the way, so not all bad.

Anyways how did we even get there 😂😂and no I am not gonna edit. I have openly discussed that my stories will bounce but how else are u gonna understand if you don’t know a little background? I know it’s a good question.

Haha

Anyways back to DIY with my kiddo. Listen y’all I was both a father and mother at times, she as well played daughter and son. She loves both Mudd and water. She is both sun and moon. She had a universal, fluid spirit. She gets a lot of good from her father too. He is the hammer to our free spirits.

Him and I have been divorced for a very long time, but I see his grounded behavior in her. Which God knows that’s a good thing cause Momma in her younger days was quite the handful. I was young, raising a kid, in a chaotic world. Judge me if you wish but no one is perfect. You know more at 37 than 27. More at 27 than 20. And a lot more at 20 than you do at 18.

One thing that a young poor, hardworking woman loves doing though? Creating something grand out of very little. And if you were to ask my baby girl, momma pretty good at that.

I can’t tell you how much stuff we have made over the years. See there are benefits to being poor. When u have very little money for gifts, mom’s often buy that 5.00 craft kits from Walmart. For me, those kits were a 3 fold gift.

1. Christmas gift, and often times the boxes are big, fill the tree nicely.

2. They have the benefits of their work afterwords. Bracelets, purses, pictures, shirts, etc.

3. It gave us something to do together. I know right now she doesn’t understand how much that time meant to me but they are some of the best times ever.

I have always encouraged her in her arts, crafts or whatever creative outlet she wished. Something all parents really should do. Expressive outlets help children cope with life and God knows, if there was ever a time that children need something as an outlet cause the world done lost it’s mind.

We would turn up the radio, sing while she would color, create, build.

And I have to say when she showed me the jars she made the other day I was like well dam look at my baby with her little crafty self. 😄😄😄😄

We may financially struggle but we make do. And we paint our lives beautiful. I guess that is why she had no concerns with only 3 weeks to plan. Cause you know Momma got you baby 😘😘😘😘😘

Homemade is beautiful 😘😘😘

Pic by me the bouquets for the wedding and the boutonnieres. 😘😘😘

Being Fat is Painful

My Fight

As discussed previously I have gastroparesis.  Today I am struggling.  A flare up from veggies.  Yes veggies.  Fibrous foods.  The struggle is real – but this is a fight I plan on beating.  Pushing through to the finale 🙂

 

food sugar breakfast white
Photo by Public Domain Pictures on Pexels.com

Life Update I’m fkng Tired hahahaha😎💯😎💯😎😂

I figured since my phone was dead I would actually get some writing done. I know that I have been bombarding my blog with Youtube and SoundCloud – and I actually do feel kind of bad about that. I haven’t been writing as much as I have been rapping, singing and doing my own music promos. I have been doing my best to try to find a happy median with it all. It is hard. I still work full time – still have a house to run – and the limitations I have been facing with my phone and lack of cable/internet at home has been surfacing. Things I do plan on changing but when you are on a limited budget certain non-essential items are just not a priority. I don’t consider cable or internet really a necessity – despite the fact that I run 9 different outlets, not including making music, from a MetroPcs phone and their unlimited service that includes hotspot.

Hey I make it work – but I am finding a frustration in the fact that it takes a lot longer when you are doing EVERYTHING from one battery hahaha – MY PHONE STAYS ON CHARGE lmao.
I mean we make due right? I mean after all – most consider a lot of this just really a hobby – although – the music – that – that would be a dream job. But I mean it’s A LOT of people’s. And a lot of people who carry not only experience – but grand talent. I, on the other hand, I am just a smart ass woman who has spent the last two years picking up the shattered pieces of the remains of multiple bad relationships. Combine that with my secret love for rapping poetry and bam – you have me hahaha.
People always say “it isn’t you” blah blah – bullshit when you go through a bad breakup. I will say – it was me. I mean after all – let’s really get to the real deal side of things – the only common denominator in the relationships – was me. Now I am a realist – and even about myself – so some self reflection is necessary.
Let me be real – I was unhappy with myself. This fake happiness that I lived – was only to ever be cured by that of a man, that in some way – I would never be whole if I didn’t have someone to love me. Well that is hog shit frfr. This insecurity, unhappiness within myself – this pours over into a relationship. Then add my OCD, and my independent, but attention needy, oh and of course my anxiety – ha – I AM A HANDFULL. I say that – but really – people like me are easy to deal with if you just do some real simple things. Pay attention to behaviors/moods – talk – and allow us to talk – without feeling defensive – and respect our space – and our OCD. If you know someone has OCD – don’t leave your shit strung through the house – OCD and anxiety hand in hand for almost all who have either/or.
The thing is I always liked fixer up men. You know, the ones that are broken, made me feel less broken. A crutch for a crutch and yet we both walking on broken legs.
Now listen, we are all broken in some way – to say that life hasn’t ever hit you hard, at least by your 30s – then well – you are special. For the rest of us though – that is a reality – we have all been hurt in some capacity. There is a difference though I would like to speak about. For a long time I thought my broken heart needed to be fixed by a man. I mean – that is what most of us think. When we have a failed relationship – we are quick to hop into the arms of another to “heal” from the last one. But really this isn’t what happens. What we do – is carry the pain from one relationship over into the next. We carry our fresh insecurities, our fresh pain, so we come into the relationship on the defensive.
Now there are times where this has worked for people – so for those that are reading this – and are like no – my significant other saved me – blah blah – hey I get it – and maybe they did – but most of the times – the savior is not a saint – just a different kind of demon. Hear me out though. Trust me – a few years ago – I would say the same thing.
We are going to continue the reference to a broken bone because it can give you a visual – and for some – maybe something to consider if and when you go through a separation. I think of breakups now like a broken bone. Say you break your arm – you aren’t going to go and lift weights the same day are you? We give our extremities more time to heal – then we do our souls. And really think about that for a minute. Our heart – our emotions – our thought control – our mindset – all things that get disrupted when a relationship comes to an end. And yet most people are back out on the market the same day – or hell sometimes in the same hour. I am guilty of this myself. I can’t speak about it if I haven’t been through it. I mean people do – but there is reality and then there is fiction.
These are the facts of my life – and I have accepted the things I have done. I am analytical though – and I have analyzed my life – a lot – over the past two years – and I know where I have went wrong.
I have been out there playing the game with a broken soul expecting a man to patch it -and yet – the answer was never any of them.
Unfortunately it was this last relationship that really did it in for me. No, not abusive, just an abusive liar. That it itself – is emotionally abusive – and I would never know the toll that would take it on me – until after I realized how much people really do lie. It was like a deep depressing thing for a while. I can’t tell you how many times I would ask a question just to hear what kind of response I was going to get. I always knew the answer before asking – but to just see the ability for someone to look at me in the eyes – swear on their everythings that they were telling the truth – it was just psychologically intriquing to me. No quilt, no remorse – just a retribution of anger for being “nosey and controlling”. Oh yea – I am controlling alright – you sticking your dipstick into my engine – yea I am old school – no secrets – no side chilling with your exes like it’s your Auntie. Like it was the weirdest shit – cause like after a while the shit didn’t even hurt – and like his ex used to text me with screenshots so like he never really got away with anything – and yet – I still stayed when I shouldn’t have. I often laughed the shit off – but like it leaves you feeling like what the hell??? Like I think back to some of the shit I stayed through – and really baby giirrrrlll what was I thinking????
The reality of that relationship though – reality about life – reality about standing alone to set myself out differently until my expectations are met. Not just my expectations in my future spouse but my expectations of myself.

I will no longer mold and bend to create the perfect spouse. I come now as is. And I won’t put up with negativity when it comes to my artistic side. I had a tendency to lay my desires in the artistic field to rest while in relationships – mainly because of negative feedback – but now – I watch and listen for that in the very beginning. My music is different – my art is different – I need someone that will be supportive of that – and genuine about it – otherwise I don’t want them in my life. My art is my outlet – and it is the only way for me to feel whole – and I am not just talking about the music – the cakes, the paintings – the crazy outfits – all of it.

Creating a happy life on my own has allowed me the chance to be happy – and accepting of myself. This has allowed me to understand what kind of relationship would actually make me happy – and some can say that I live in a fantasy world – well this world is better than accepting less than I deserve 🙂 we happy here – someone will eventually want to come along for the ride.

Ryda

Right now my focus is my music. The overwhelming response on the music side – and the fact that I am picking up the beats pretty quick – I don’t know – I would love to see where this could take me. So i will continue to push it – cause I feel like I found my “thing” hahaha.
Till next time my lovelies

I’m on Keto and I still eat carbs 🤔 and still losing weight (explained)

So for those that have been around you know that I have dropped another 80 pounds this year bringing my total weight loss to 230 pounds.

And I still eat carbs 🤔

Here’s the thing though. I have made keto a part of my life. Once you do this you do incorporate some carbs in some capacity.

I generally stick to a 5/2 method and intermediate fasting 🤗

The 5/2 method basically means that during the work week, I typically stay on a very low carb diet, but on the weekends though I do what I want.

I still don’t have a lot of sweets and my carbs normally consist of potatoes.

I actually don’t really enjoy pasta anymore. The texture is a little off setting which is crazy because everyone knows I’ve always been a pasta lover.

I am doing what works for me.

If you are trying to lose weight, first don’t put so much emphasis on it. Don’t get discouraged when the scale doesn’t move. Continue to modify your diet till you find what works for you and doesn’t make you feel like you aren’t living.

I eat y’all, I just changed what I eat 💯💯

Switched sugar for Stevia.

Lowered carbs.

Started walking 💯

No pills, no crash dieting just healthy habits.

Am I Being Lied to? Hell am I lying to myself?

Yesterday was a pretty tough day for me.  Mainly because of some family issues that rose up, then of course the kick back of negativity yesterday in regards to my music, and my choice in music.  A racially motivated comment, followed by a religiously motivated comment, followed by a Youtuber that had formed his own opinion and quite frankly simply wanted to let me know that I can’t rap.  Now I will say that most people have been supportive of my music, but yesterday in particular I got hit back to back with negativity.  Now I am a strong woman – so the negative stuff – it’s really just their thoughts and opinions, and by no means do I let these comments or feedback get me down.  I analyze the data at hand.  I review it – and that is at the point that I am at now.  If the data is not working – then some recalculating is in order.

Now I am not going to stop making music for anyone, but maybe I should stop sharing it.  A lot of people that are new – and listen – they don’t get the back story.  The story that starts with me on August 23, 2018 with my first talk through poetry video.  In two months, I have over 4k views on Youtube, and 1k on Soundcloud, and also received Singer Spotlight for Bandlab in November.

But let’s be honest – my views are so high because I push my music.  No, I don’t send it to people, I post it – and a lot as well.

I am getting hit from all different avenues with the negative stuff.  An old white male – stuck in the 20’s with his “just because you date black people doesn’t mean you’re a rapper” – which is like WTF – first off – I am not dating anyone, and furthermore; I am not only color – blind – but I fall in love with souls.  I have no gender or race preference.  If you treat me with love – I treat you with love.

What makes a person a person, is most definitely not on the outside.  Your thoughts, your emotions, and your heart – they are all internal.  What you look like on the outside has no bearing or affect on what kind of human being you are.

 

Finding my voice has been amazing – but the negativity – although anticipated – really does make you question what you are doing.  I guess this is that cross roads path a lot of singers talk  about.

I know my music is different, and raw – unedited (kind of the point) but maybe it is so different – that maybe it isn’t for the world.  Maybe this music should only be for me.

Till next time…….

I’ll Keep you posted about the Single Mother Shuffle….

 

 

 

Fat and on the Mat

Fat thighs, pretty eyes, you will never get away with lies. 😄😄😄😄😄

Hahaha I love starting my mornings with Yoga 😎 especially considering I’m in my jammies still hahahaha

I also like to multi task. 😄 Stress relief, back pain relief, clarity, mindset. All in 30 minutes 😂 cause I’m a busy Momma and I got lots to do 😍😍😎😍😎

Yep Fat and on the Mat 😂😂😂

Bet I flex tho hahahahahahaha 😃😂😎😎😎

In other news 🤔 them curves 😘😘😘😘😎😎

Seriously tho even being fat, yoga has been a life saver. Often times my back is killing me from doing my heavy hitting combo of sitting in an office for 8 hours followed by standing for another 8 hours. My relief is yoga.

Now if you have been following me, I often talk about finances. I am poor and I found some free fantastic yoga videos on YouTube 😎

And like Adriene is absolutely amazing. She has videos for every kind of ailment 😂

If you have mental health issues, body pain, stress, then get you some. Even being fat, she gives you alternative positions for us larger ladies. I swear you will never feel better if you give Yoga a chance.

I have attached her link below 😂😎

This one is the one I do most often but she also has so many others. And for those that are new, do the 30 day, so you can learn the positions 😂😎😂 happy centering yourself 😎🤗😎Yoga With Adriene