Coffee in My Pocket

I average anywhere from 5-6 hours of sleep a night.  I get freaking tired.  I love me some dam coffee.  Doesn’t matter what part of the day.  All day – every day.  I typically have to discipline myself to stick to only having it in the morning.

Coffee In My Pocket – Wawa Edition

But like I had to go get my rent money – and Wawa was smelling some type of good with their coffee brewing asses.  I walk in – with just the intention of getting my money out their free ATM – and I walk in the door – and it smells like fresh brew.  Ass holes.  I mean I got the sugar free coffee – but the carb content even in the little one is still higher than I would have liked – but like it’s coffee.  I deserved it – I have peddled and waddled my fat ass through 146 miles this month.

I enjoyed every dam sip of it too.

 

Do We Ever Really Find the “One”

Love like what the hell does it even mean?

We understand it when it comes to the people we are born into.  Our mother’s, father’s, children.  That type of love – although challenging sometimes – you typically do not have to question that love.

But what about a mate in life?  Do we really ever find the “one”?

I really don’t know the answer to that question, but what I do know – is that maybe we need to stop seeking the one and become the “one”.

I will have to elaborate on that cause at this point, you are probably looking at yourself and thinking – dam girl – I am the “one”.  But are you?  How honest are you in your current relationship?  Do you expect honesty yet not give it?  Do you continue to seek a “better” lover because you “deserve” one?  Let’s be real people!  Are you candid with your loved ones?  Do you express your feelings?  Do you even know who YOU are?  I mean really DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

Having a relationship will not validate you as a person.  Self discovery is hard, but one of the most rewarding and satisfying things you could ever accomplish.  Most of my life was spent dedicated to the needs of others – and now I am discovering my own needs, my own desires.

My insecurities are always heightened in a relationship.  But do you know why?  Because I was always the chameleon in the relationship.  Bending and turning to accommodate the needs of the men I wanted to be with.  Like look at me – I am perfect for you.  But that is fake.  Things that we do to “impress” a mate are really just a deceptive way for us chameleons to get the mate they want – then wonder why we aren’t happy.  Well dumb ass we aren’t happy because we are doing what THEY want and not what I want.

And y’all know what I am talking about too.  In the dating scene we all have a tendency to pretend to be something we are not to impress the date, and even modifier our normal behaviors because it is a date.

I, as well, am guilty of this, but no more.  Moving forward any dates will be conducted with 100% raw and unedited me, because that is who I am – the true me – and that is the one I want the next one to fall in love with.  Not the edited, and cleaned version.

I found true love.

True, unconditional love.

Within myself. img_20180515_103334_991

 

Let’s Talk Money – Fiscal Fitness

I don’t have any – but I do have a lot of great advice on how to make poor look pretty.

This is the best advice I give anyone in regards to finances.

First you need to determine your needs, vs your wants.

How do you discover that cause we all need everything?

Well if you are poor it comes easy – but for the rest – this might be actual work, but I make it easy.

So you are trying to figure out where to start with a budget because you need to save some money, or have something planned, and you are trying to determine what things you can keep, and what things you need to stop.

I will make it super easy for you.

Take the expense – and make it into an annual expense – and best believe you will be more than happy to trim some of that excess spending.

For example:

NAILS

Are you a woman who get’s her nails done every two weeks like clock work?

What does it cost you ANNUALLY to have those beautiful nails?

Now let’s go with the lower cost – 20.00 (average in the Tampa Bay Market for a basic fill).

There are 52 weeks in the year, so if you are getting them done every other week – cut that in half.

So now you have $20.00 x 26 fills = You just spent $520.00 annually on your nails, if you were to only spend 20.00 and we all know – you never just spend the $20.00 unless you absolutely have to.

That is an incredible amount of money on nails.  This is how I survive on minimal income.  I translate everything into annual costing – and I make my decisions based on those numbers.  Of course this is easier when you have no money, than when you do have have money.  If that is the case, you will need discipline as well, but annual calculations will assist by making you more inclined to cut off unnecessary expenses.

 

Happy Budgeting Bitches.

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Naked Beauty – Find Your Sexy – Self – Love

The title means exactly what you think it means.  Yes ladies, I am talking about feeling beautiful when you are naked.  The moment a lot of women fear, self-hate is a norm for us, but I am here to explain to you how I fixed that – and easily too.

No, I am not going to go into the working out, and all that.  I mean in reality – you guys know working out – eating healthy – creates healthy mindsets – I don’t need to be the one to tell you that, I am here to tell you that selfies can cure your self-hate image of yourself, or at the very least help some.

For me, up until my life become a solo mission – I had self-image issues.  Every insecurity you could think of – fear of mirrors, no photo please –  kind of personality.  Well now, not so much, now I am like ooo hey girl hey, to myself.  And I did that by playing dress up in some sexy stuff.

OMG I know I sound like I am 5.  Here is the thing – IDC.  I went and bought some sexy stuff.  I mean some pretty sexy stuff.  Stuff that I thought was cute – and since I am on a solo mission – trying to find things that fit a man’s vision isn’t a concern for me.  I buy it for me.  I then took these items home, and try them on.  In front of a mirror.  I take some videos, snap a few pics, then sit back and look at all that glory God has bestowed upon me.

The first time it was hard.  I could see every dimple in my thighs, I could see that my waist was so wide, that my ass looked flat from the backside.  There were all these imperfections, but then I noticed something, when I stopped looking at all the little imperfections, and I looked at myself as whole person – I didn’t look bad at all.  Like dam girl where you been my whole life?

Yea I know cocky right?  I don’t care.  Cocky sure the hell beats depression.

Now it takes some time.  And this is something I still do to this day.  Since my body has been changing from losing the weight – I am discovering a whole new body.  Even without the weight loss though – I was/am discovering my naked beauty.

My most vulnerable stage, and I am presenting it to myself.  It is a honesty thing.  Acceptance thing.  This is me, and I am beautiful.

I am undoing what has been told to me for many many years.

I mean after all – why in the hell do we allow someone else’s voice carry more value than our own?

No one knows the inner you – more than you – stop giving people that much authority over your thoughts and emotions.  Your voice is stronger than theirs, and your voice will be heard more by you than theirs.

I would like to challenge all my friends to do the same.  Find your sexy – within you – by you.  Build your confidence.  Make is solid – then it can never be shattered.

Flaunt your fabulous 🙂

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Marley & Me – A Dog’s Tale

Meet Marley

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I can say without a doubt – he is the love of my life.  They always say dogs come into our lives for a reason – and I truly believe that.  To be quite honest I was kind of in that in between stage.  Wanting a dog, but knowing you can’t really afford another mouth to feed.  Well the kid and I had tossed around the idea, and it just so happened about a week after that conversation – along came home a very rough-looking pup.  A fat one, but a rough-looking one.

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(My two babies)

OMG isn’t he just the cutest.  Yes he is.  I know.  LOOK AT HIM hahahaha.  My daughter quite beautiful too – I KNOW.  I have beautiful babies.  Marley was actually her dog the first few weeks – but she is young – and well I used that against her to take possession of him.  I basically force adopted him hahahaha.  But really she knew him and I were meant to be.  Especially after the night she wanted to take him out-of-town and I had a complete crying fit – yeah – that was the night I knew I fell in love with him.

I am not joking either.  My daughter can attest to this story.  I was getting onto her about having the responsibilities of having a dog – and that she couldn’t be leaving during the weekends and leaving the dog to  me.

Then she pop off with – well I will take him with me.  HELL NO.  Like it was bad enough my child was grown – but like now you wanna take my grand baby riding around doing God knows what, what if he runs off or gets hurt.  He won’t know how to get home cause he just got here.  Yea yea – I know – I became my mother.

The thing is – that for those 3 weeks that Marley had been here – Katie had been gone on the weekends.  Me and this little one – we started doing things together.  Like, everything.  At the time he was a pup – I still had a regular vehicle.  So he got to go to the laundry mat, to the grocery store, I mean he was little so like you could just hold him like a baby hahaha.  screenshot_2017-12-01-10-45-35

Marley car rides

Isn’t he adorable 🙂 hahaha.

A bond that is really unmatched.  If I had to choose to do something with friends or Marley, it’s gonna be Marley.  I mean after all, he has been there through a lot.  And he is always down to do whatever.

All I got to say is “Marley wanna go ______” and he is like yep.  I could say let’s go to bed, he would be like, yep.  Wanna go on a walk, YEEEPPPP.  Wanna dance, yep.  Wanna throw fetch, yep.  Wanna sit out back and watch the stars, YEP.  He really does enjoy those things – or he is just pretty good at playing along hahahaha.

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Marley nap time

He gets me through the tough times.  He makes me laugh when I am sad.  He loves me unconditionally, despite how I look, how I feel, he is always there.  If I want to eat junk food, he says nothing, he just wants a bite, he is most definitely my partner in crime.  He is tough when he needs to be, even though he acts like a baby sometimes – when called to arms – he is there.

To be honest – he reminds me a little of my dad.  He does the things I know my dad would do if he was still here, and that would be comfort and protect.  Two things I’ve never experienced from a spouse, I at least had the blessing of having that growing up.  Something many people lack, and probably why I pose as a challenge for most men – because a weak man will never be a good match for me.

Yep, a Daddy’s girl.  Raised in the mud, tough as nails, a mouth you can’t control, witty and wild.

There are a lot of things that I know I would have never done alone, that I have been able to do because I have Marley by my side.  And a lot of those things have to do with my father.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post – we spent a great deal of time outdoors, as a family, building cypress furniture.  Even as kids, all of us, my cousins included would gather around a peel bark – or do whatever to earn money to able to go to the store.

Yea sounds crazy – but it taught us how to earn a living.  Nothing in life is free, NOTHING.  It cost someone, something, somehow, in some capacity, even if it is free to you.  Most of us picked up some tricks of the trade, and while my skill is nothing compared to the boys of the family, being the only girl – I can still build some shit.

It had been a long time since I had picked up a hammer, other than to hang picture frames.  I always loved to build things too.  That wasn’t really an option in the second marriage.  My vision didn’t line up with his – so it was better to just set that to the side, it was better than arguing.

You see, I got Marley at a time where I was transitioning into the single life, once again, and this time, in a different capacity than ever before.  At the time I didn’t know it, but looking back now.  I don’t know – he brought me companionship in a time where I needed it the most.

As I have said previously, single life isn’t for the weak.  There are a lot of lonely nights – and often times you can find yourself losing sleep, or losing yourself.  Trying to analyze your life, trying figure it all out.  Scary nights.  Getting used to the silence.  It was all scary.  Yes, even though I hate to admit it, even those crying nights.  You might say, well you got a kid.  Yea – a grown one, and even two years ago – she was still 17 – she was still gone most weekends.

Well do you know what happens when you get a pup?  They keep you busy.  They give you someone to talk to.  They kiss your tears away.  They curl up to you when you need them.  He makes me laugh.  He protects the house.  He watches movies, and even is my personal trainer.  Yep my personal trainer, cause he loves him some jogging.

 

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Marley Playing

With having Marley by my side, I guess in a way – it helped me learn more about me, because I am more willing to do things alone, because really I am not alone.  He is here.  He helped me paint the house we are in, helped me build quite a few picture frames.  He stands in the kitchen and watches me cook without saying anything when I am sneaking some snacksies.  Probably cause he just waiting on his.

Most people think he got the name from the movie, but actually after The Marley family.  And while I joke that Marley is nothing like his name intended, cause he has no chill, in reality – he name is very suiting.  He brought me love and peace at a time in which a war was raging within my soul.  He helped me get back to my creative and adventurous side.  He is my peace.  I mean you walk into your doors, and like how could your day not be left at the door, when they are so excited to see you??? Like they love you – even if you are covered in sweat, dirt, they gives no fks.  They like come here let me lick yo face! Hahahaha.

 

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So the next time you look at Mars and say he isn’t my son – you can kiss my jelly fish.

 

Marley & Me

 

Being Fat is Painful

My Fight

As discussed previously I have gastroparesis.  Today I am struggling.  A flare up from veggies.  Yes veggies.  Fibrous foods.  The struggle is real – but this is a fight I plan on beating.  Pushing through to the finale 🙂

Are Fat Girls Easy?

I have to ask this question because being a fat girl – for some reason men like to come at me sideways.

Hey I get it.  We are fat – so you automatically assume we all have some deep insecurities that would surely at least get you laid tonight.

Ha!  I have pissed a lot of men off in my lifetime with the ego busting balls I carry around in my purse.

First off, there ain’t shit easy about me.

Secondly, most women at my age can tell when a man is just there to fulfill some sort of fetish fantasy.  YEA MEN WE KNOW

Third thing – only few can handle all that lovings – so weak men need not apply.

I also can’t stand a closet chubby chaser.  If you so ashamed baby you shouldn’t be in my inbox.  Apparently being a chubby chaser is shameful, but being a dick head isn’t?  Some of you guys out there that want to shame the same plus size beauties in public that you jerking off too in private.

Yea we know.

People have preferences.

You love you a large lady – then love her, and be happy about it.

If you love you a little lady – then love her, and be happy about it.

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Changing Cheese Sauce – The Kicking Keto Recipe

The Yum Yum 

Yea, you heard me, and if you are following me on IG, or FB then you already know what is up!!!!

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The Changing Cheese Sauce has forever changed my life. I make 95% of my meals at home.  Not only can I cook, but finances are tight – and eating out – it’s expensive.  And to be honest – the only time I don’t eat at home is when I splurge for a hoagie from Wawa.  Yea – a hoagie.  The wheat one.  Yes I am on keto.  Modified keto, and I eat grains, typically two times a week.  That hoagie is my payday special – and has been for the better of two years now.  All $5.69 of it!! Balling on a budget.

Anyways back to this deliciousness of cheese.

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I call it the changing cheese sauce – because one little trick – and bam a completely difference sauce.

The best thing about this recipe – is you make it yours.

It is pretty basic, and easy too, so for families – it’s perfect.

It is a 4 ingredient sauce
My Changing Cheese Sauce is as followed:
1/2 a stick of unsalted REAL butter.  Walmart has 4 sticks for just ver  $3. Comes is salted or unsalted, I only ever buy unsalted out of preference.
1 bag of shredded cheese of ur choice, hence the changing cheese sauce because this is really a simple and universal recipe. The recipe pictured is white sharp cheddar. Again, Walmart for just over 2.00. U can use as much cheese here depending on how cheesy or soupy u want it. This was made with just a little over half a bag.
Heavy Whipping cream. This will depend on how much u are making. Since I have an empty nest, I make generally no more than 8 ounces, which I always have some left over. A small carton of hwc is just over 2.00 at walmart. If u are feeding a family I suggest modifying it according to that. If u decide to use a full container of hwc for a family, make sure u add more cheese ♡♡
The last and probably most important ingredient is Weber Roasted Garlic and Herb Seasoning. I use about 2 tbsp, but I love garlic.
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I take the butter and the seasoning and melt it in a pot together, then I pour in the hwc and then the cheese. Stir until completely melted down. Make sure u watch it cause it does cook kind of quick on medium high heat. Roughly around 5 minutes.
The bam pour it over ur favorite foods. I also pour over chicken in the oven and broil it to make a cheesy crust
This is a keto friendly recipe but can be for all others as well.
Happy Grubbing Yall!!

CBD THC & ME

CBD,THC, ME

shallow focus photography of cannabis plant
Photo by Michael Fischer on Pexels.com

My life with gastroparesis poses quite a few issues for me.  One of them is learning to work around it.  There are things that I still don’t get to do; however I feel that through my diet, and exercise routines I am starting to where I can get back to enjoying life.  It has been a rough few days, but I know like all pain – it is temporary and will pass.  I just keep reminding myself to breathe.  It is funny that I compare the pain to labor pains, cause I can still hear my Mid-wife – Dr. Delrose whisper to me, just breathe through the pain, something she said to me as my daughter was ripping my lower half of my body apart to make her grand arrival 🙂 It very much feels like that – but more stabby.

Bad episodes are pretty trying – and I have learnt to be forthcoming in the fact that I have this condition – because honestly, unless you have seen an episode, or know anything about it – it probably doesn’t sound so bad, but if you have ever had food poisoning, then you understand at least that part of it.  If you take the pain and ripping apart cramps from labor pain and combine that with a dose of food poisioing – then you might be close to a bad episode.

Now for me bad episodes don’t come near as often as they used to.  I have to contribute that to the keto, working out, and diet modifications.  I mean, you only have to become violently ill so many times before you really deep dive into your condition.

This week’s episode, brought on by broccoli, well I was really thinking for a minute I was going to have to go to the hospital. Not that they are able to do anything really, other than Zofran – which I have, maybe some more pills, that will make me feel sick. So really there is nothing that can be done.  You deal, and you keep it moving.

Luckily I am feeling a little better today.  But I am weak, tired, and ready for this episode to subside.

But heyy – I had peanut butter and whipped cream for dinner so like it ain’t all bad 🙂

Happy days y’all.

Fried Pecan Pie Danish – Easy Recipe

Yumminess

This recipe is quite easy – and honestly universal, and it’s scrumptious.

It is pretty basic.

Take some bread and flatten out.  For most of my recipes I used Arnold’s breads.  Pretty much out of preference – but also because I prefer their grain breads over the rest.  Now this is their Oatnut Bread.  Which I have to say was quite perfect for this recipe, since it is a thicker loaf.

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Then take a spoonful of cream cheese, I used whipped, and place in each corner of the bread.  Then press.

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Then you will take your beautiful bumps and cut them into 4 sections.

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Press gently around your scoops of cream cheese. Then cover and place in the freezer for at least 30 minutes.

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The next step is pretty easy too.  Fry them bad boys up in some unsweetened sweet cream butter.  OHHHHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Shake that butter baby hahaha.

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We aren’t done yet – cause y’all seen where I said PECAN right – alright then.  Pay attention to momma.

Once they have a nice light golden brown toasting – then add a drizzle of Agave syrup and pecans.  I get chopped pecans – and Agave in the raw.  Finish turning for a few minutes till your crust becomes caramelized.

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I guess I should also tell you to cook it on medium high heat.

Prep time is really like 10 minutes, cook time – roughly 10 minutes.

Your family said make this now!

HAHAHA

All made with healthy ingredients too – but I promise you will feel like you should be mad at yourself for indulging in this amazingly easy recipe.  Let’s be honest though – it is buttered toast with cream cheese – just better.

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