The Anxiety Antidote

Some of you may think anxiety can be controlled by thought or emotion – and to some degree yes it can be.  I utilize methods like meditation, breathing exercises to keep them at bay.

Unless I have a bad one.  I have closet anxiety.  One the surface I look controlled, solid.  On this inside it is like a million minions going into different directions all at the same time.

When you have anxiety – sometimes you can really be the toxic one in the relationship.

Now, let me explain.  Cause I know some of y’all like whhhhaaaaaaattt tttttthhhhhheeeee fuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk she just say.

I have anxiety, and I know I can be toxic in a relationship.

I am one of those to where when I feel fine, everything is fine, but when I am upset – everything makes me upset.

And I mean everything.  And for a man, that is a lot to deal with.  I am not super emotional – but I get snappy.  Pissy.  Attitude.  Everyone’s anxiety is different – and I know my condition crippled most of the relationships, but because I was with the wrong kind of person.

The problem is, that never once I have I ever had a man take the time to even try to pinpoint the issue, or even just accept the fact that it was just an episode, and cuddle me, instead of responding with more negativity.

I know sounds complex right.  Like how is a pissy woman asking a man to cuddle her when she is being a bitch.  Well because – that fixes it.

When someone is dealing with their anxiety – they just need someone to talk them through it.

For every person it is different, but if your spouse has anxiety – I will give you a few pointers that would have helped me.

  1.  Take some of the work off of their back.  If they are in the kitchen doing the dishes, and appear to be in an episode, grab the sponge, and tell them to go take their cranky ass to bed, or go get in the bath.
  2. If they wake up cranky, cuddle them.  Make their coffee for them – it is like a switch – showing that thoughtfulness – can really change a person’s outlook for the day.
  3. Reassurance.  I have dealt with a lot, I don’t need constant reassurance – but I do appreciate a man that can say “you are the one” and actually mean it.  Someone with anxiety – typically never feels good enough – so this helps them cope with that.
  4. Do NOT use the condition against them.  We are already self-conscious about it – we don’t need you to put it out to make us feel even worse about ourselves.
  5. Know that even though, I am a strong woman, like most people with anxiety, and I got me 95% – that 5% is when I need a soft hand on my shoulder.
  6. Don’t make fun of us.  I often stutter when I am upset.  I stutter because sometimes I get incredibly excited, and the words just come out all fucked up.  I don’t need someone poking fun at that.
  7. Be loving, and kind.

I have accepted my condition, and I deal with it.

This is the main reason why I will NOT have a man in my life that brings frustration, or aggravation.  I physically cannot handle that, nor do I want to.

To be honest, it is pretty easy to help someone through an episode, you just have to take the time to listen, to care, and to love.

Then it passes, just like all storms.

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Lazy Ass Men

Dating today is really difficult.  Men expect quite a bit from a woman, and commitment seems to lack.  I mean real commitment – not just committed while you in front of me, while you behind my back too.  If you are in a committed relationship – then privacy is out the window.  Have some dam integrity and be 100% in your relationship – other wise you’re just a waste of space.  Stop hurting people because you have relationship attention deficit disorder.

I have trust issues.  Deal with it – or just sit the hell down.

When you have been lied to and cheated on for most of your adult life – those little games men try to play with me – doesn’t work.

I need a real man that stands on his own – that has more going for his life than just who is in his DMs.

My rant can be found on youtube the link is below.

There is adult humor to it – so if I offend you – sorry.

Lazy Ass Men

 

Get out my face hahahaha

Actual picture of my daughter from 17 years ago hahahaha.

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My Turmoil Over The Truth – The Deeper Side

Yes, for me, there is turmoil over the truth.

You see, I am very much a truth seeker.  And not just in the relationship sector of my life, in just about any aspect of my life.  I mean I can read an article, and if it sounds a little off, I am verifying, and researching.  I mean, part of that is why I am good at my regular job.  I am incredibly analytical, and that ladies and gents is a huge issue in relationships.

Most of my jobs have surrounded around finding errors, or missing links between data.  Now I am not saying that I don’t make mistakes, I am human, and often times when typing – I am thinking so fast – that sometimes I miss words, or I may have a grammar error from time to time.  I have a fast paced life, along with a phone that is on its last leg – with plenty of broken glass that I take a risk my life on every time I am on it.  Hey times are tough, and really I am able to accomplish the things I need to, so all is well for now.

Now take that error finding personality and apply that to your home.  Now if honesty and integrity in relationships was still a valid thing, then this probably wouldn’t be an issue; however, I become almost a challenge to a man.  And we all know how men love a challenge.  Like, hmm, she good – let’s see how good, let me see what I can actually get away with before she catches on.

Well not very far.  You see, when a women tells you she is analytical – pay attention to that – because that means that by nature, even if she seems like she isn’t paying attention, she is.   This translates to knowing your schedule/ routine, and close to the minute.

Well you might be thinking – well okay – most people do.  Yea – well do you know many minutes your spouse’s shower is,or how long it takes them to cook breakfast? Basically being able to walk through their life in my own eyes, but for me, it translates to numbers.

I don’t even do it intentionally – and it isn’t immediate or overnight – it is the repetition of events that stick to my brain.  It isn’t like I am calculating either, but certain things correlate for me.  For example, if you listen to music in the shower, you listen to 3 songs, depending on the type of music – typically you can expect most songs to be between 3.5 to 5 minutes in length, so typically you can expect your shower to be between 10.5 to 15 minutes in length.  It’s the correlation that makes markers in my brain.

To further that, when people speak to me, my brain is in auto pilot and draws out a picture in my head of the events taking place, and typically can pick out errors in stories.  I don’t know – it is verbal connectivity.  I love it for work purposes – and hate it when it comes to my own personal life.

Yea – I said that – because sometimes ignorance is bliss.  Maybe if I was living in a world where deception wasn’t the new truth – then yea it wouldn’t be an issue.  And like I get it.  There is so many outlets available to people to pursue infidelity.  Everyone promising everyone to be better than the last one – but really – it is the chase people love.  Not saying there aren’t people out there that find the “one” and live happily ever after – I am just saying there is a group of us in which this is our reality.

I am not being bitter either.  How many of you would HONESTLY hand their spouse their phone, and have no concerns what so ever?  And I mean complete transparency too? No deleting.  If your spouse had access to your data files, and was able to sift through ever since piece of your life on that phone, would you have concerns?

I don’t believe in privacy in a relationship.  Yea – yea I know – OMG.  How horrible.  Say what you want – but if a man is going to be laying next to me, and inside of my body – well then there is no privacy.  Sorry not sorry.  Not off the bat – but if I am in a long term committed relationship (which is often when this starts happening), then yea.  You start acting shady – what’s up – what you doing?

You want privacy with your phone – I am gonna need some privacy with this p*****.  I know sounds bitchy – but hey – whatever – it’s my life, and honestly – if you value that phone and what is in it – over your relationship, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

When you are in your twenties you concern yourself with relationships, by the time you get to be my age – late 30s – you just want honesty and security.  My pursuit of happiness now most definitely does not include a relationship.  I am completely emotionally disconnected from the male population too.  Any advances are often not noticed, and even with they are noticed – I promptly reject the idea.  Not today Satan.  I am not joking either – I have no intention nor want the distraction or frustration that comes with dating.  I am not ready – and I don’t have to be.

I want the type of relationship that includes honestly.  I want a best friend.  Your spouse is the only one that should know the deeper side of you (in all ways hahahahaha).

Have a great week 🙂

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My Deepest Demon for You to See

You know over the past few months if you scroll through my news feed you will notice an incredible transformation, and I’m not talking about the Weightloss I am talking about me coming out of my cacoon.

You see my entire life I held a Secret deep inside. Well that works out great till your daughter and you spend an incredible amount of time together. The older the get, the more they notice. Something you trying to hide, they eventually catch on to, cause God knows my family nosey as hell.

But you see, me rapping was almost like sinful. Not lady like. More for boys, and not a sweet southern mom from the Hills.

But that is me. So I lived this hidden life, shielding everyone from who I am, the thoughts that actually go on in my head.

But you see, this wasn’t talent in my family, there was no voice without tone, so not time was given to craft, what I realized was part of my life as a creative spirit.

I would show the world what was expected from me in the creative sense. Cakes, building, painting, drawing, decorating. I mean these are all things that people can be accepting of.

Be a white fat girl from the sticks and spit some of the shit that comes out my mouth, well you are looked at as mad, dramatic, and untamed. But really, it was my outlet. Probably why I was never happy. What made me truly happy, made people look at me like I was fucking crazy.

Well yeah know what? I am.

I am a good mom.

I am a good daughter

I am spiritual.

And yeah I have a mouth no one can control.

#letmebefreetobeme

Momma Rapper

Cheesy Chasing Omelette

Cheesy Chasing Omelette

When I say cheesy – I mean cheesy.

This omelette is actually incredibly easy to make – just – and feeds quite a few people.

So if you are on a tight budget – and trying to get creative with your eggs – here ya go.

Makes for a beautiful plating – and is quite scrumptious.

Make an omelette roll, top with some more yum.  If you are unfamiliar with how to roll an omelette – make a very thin layer, and roll like a roll-up.

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Omelette

6 eggs

1/4 cup of heavy whipping cream

Butter for the pan

Cheese sauce

2 tbsp of butter

1/2 cup of white sharp cheddar cheese

Salt, pepper, parsley, to taste.

The Sad Side of Seduction

I had seen a meme about a woman trying to seduce her husband while he was watching TV.

I have never understood that. like if your woman is trying to be sexy, why do men have to act like they don’t see shit? Men and monkey game shit.

You know what that does? It causes her to feel like she isn’t sexy, then a few years later the man will say, you never get sexy for me anymore.

Well no shit Sherlock. It takes a lot for someone to feel comfortable in their own skin, so when a man ignores a woman’s advances it makes a woman feel ugly.

Yet these are often also the same men cheating with the hag from the corner too. Hahahaha. Like the kitty purring, why do y’all ignore that but then go pet someone else’s kitty? Like what is wrong with y’all in the head for real?

Thank God women love petting their own kitties.

Hahahaha happy weekend bitches.

A Mother’s Love – Momma Rapper

Poetry/ Poems by Me

These are in reference to my life.  My daily struggle.  We all have them.  Being a mom – well dam like it is hard.  When the baby daddy isn’t around – you have to figure it out all alone.  I don’t regret one minute.  It shapes us for who we are.  Embrace it.  Let go.  Breathe.

A Mother’s Love

WTF Fried Banana Butter Pecan Homemade Ice Cream Recipe???

Fried Banana Butter Pecan Ice Cream

OOOooooo ICE CREAM

So a little history on ice cream – I am about that life.  There is never not a good time for ice cream.  I mean seriously, ice cream is one of the most universal foods in the world.  And the options are endless, especially when you make it at home.

Now the recipe is suited for me, and my diet.  This was also made on my cheat day – but can also be made to suite the keto diet – by omitting the banana and the agave, replace with stevia.

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The concept is pretty simple – fry up some fruit and nuts, and add to some heavy whipping cream.

In the video attached, you will see the making of this beautiful creation.

Yes the video is rough – but it is real.  It also goes into the very small details that makes a difference.

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Ingredients:

Cream:

6 ounces of heavy whipping cream

2 tbsp of sugar free hazelnut (works good with vanilla too)

Fried Fruits and Nuts:

1 cap of vanilla (this is what I typically always use for recipes)

1 banana

1/4 cup of pecans

1/4 cup of almonds

1/4 cup of coconut

2 tbsp of sweet cream butter

Melt butter in frying pan over medium high heat.  Once melted and heated add your almond slices, and chopped pecans, let it cook for a few minutes to soften.  Roughly 4-6 minutes.  Then you will add your vanilla, coconut, and banana.  Continue to fry for a few minutes allowing them to crisp a little on each side.

While this is frying – go ahead and prep your cream base by simply mixing your creamer and your heavy whipping cream.  I put this in the freezer for a few minutes – then whip it up, but not to a full whip, just slightly before.

Whip It

Put your fried fruits and nuts in the bottom of a pan, pour cream over, cover and set in freezer until firm.

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Bam – fried banana butter pecan tropical ice cream.

Because I wanted to.

HAHAHAHA

 

Coffee in My Pocket – Funny Video

I average anywhere from 5-6 hours of sleep a night.  I get freaking tired.  I love me some dam coffee.  Doesn’t matter what part of the day.  All day – every day.  I typically have to discipline myself to stick to only having it in the morning.

Coffee In My Pocket – Wawa Edition

But like I had to go get my rent money – and Wawa was smelling some type of good with their coffee brewing asses.  I walk in – with just the intention of getting my money out their free ATM – and I walk in the door – and it smells like fresh brew.  Ass holes.  I mean I got the sugar free coffee – but the carb content even in the little one is still higher than I would have liked – but like it’s coffee.  I deserved it – I have peddled and waddled my fat ass through 146 miles this month.

I enjoyed every dam sip of it too.