Jessica Wilkes ~ Ares ~ God of War – SoundCloud

Listen to Jessica Wilkes ~ Ares ~ God of War by Momma Rapper #np on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/jessica-m-wilkes/jessica-wilkes-ares-god-of-war

Momma Rappers First Podcast (i think) – SoundCloud Poscast Discussion on Relationships

Discussion: relationships and my recent interaction with a date 😘

Relationships, love, marriage, cheating and my crazy ass self.

Listen to Momma Rappers First Podcast (i think) by Momma Rapper #np on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/jessica-m-wilkes/momma-rappers-first-podcast-i

WTF Am I doing With My Life

Wtf Am I doing With my Life?

Well honestly – I have no dam idea.

The thing you have to understand is that my life for 18 years was focused on being a mother – and trying to figure out how to manage to put food on the table every night.

My life was in fast forward for 18 years – and I was in and out of bad relationships the entire time.

I am discovering who I am.  I had my daughter young – 18 – including marrying her father, then after that marriage failed – married an abusive man.  The men in my life were barely ever around.  So as far as taking care of my child, and my home – that was left on me – and shit was hard.

Right now – a lot of that stress has been lifted.  Yes, still financially struggling – but we are all.  Not having a negative voice in my ear over the past few years has allowed me the opportunity to really be able to take my ideas, and my thoughts and express them in ways I would have never been able to do before for fear of those negative words cutting my thoughts and ideas down as though they were dumb.  My insecurities are going away – and I am discovering I’m actually a badass.

And that ladies and gentlemen is amazing.

So please excuse me while I figure me out.

Currently I’m under construction.

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Do We Ever Really Find the “One”

Love like what the hell does it even mean?

We understand it when it comes to the people we are born into.  Our mother’s, father’s, children.  That type of love – although challenging sometimes – you typically do not have to question that love.

But what about a mate in life?  Do we really ever find the “one”?

I really don’t know the answer to that question, but what I do know – is that maybe we need to stop seeking the one and become the “one”.

I will have to elaborate on that cause at this point, you are probably looking at yourself and thinking – dam girl – I am the “one”.  But are you?  How honest are you in your current relationship?  Do you expect honesty yet not give it?  Do you continue to seek a “better” lover because you “deserve” one?  Let’s be real people!  Are you candid with your loved ones?  Do you express your feelings?  Do you even know who YOU are?  I mean really DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

Having a relationship will not validate you as a person.  Self discovery is hard, but one of the most rewarding and satisfying things you could ever accomplish.  Most of my life was spent dedicated to the needs of others – and now I am discovering my own needs, my own desires.

My insecurities are always heightened in a relationship.  But do you know why?  Because I was always the chameleon in the relationship.  Bending and turning to accommodate the needs of the men I wanted to be with.  Like look at me – I am perfect for you.  But that is fake.  Things that we do to “impress” a mate are really just a deceptive way for us chameleons to get the mate they want – then wonder why we aren’t happy.  Well dumb ass we aren’t happy because we are doing what THEY want and not what I want.

And y’all know what I am talking about too.  In the dating scene we all have a tendency to pretend to be something we are not to impress the date, and even modifier our normal behaviors because it is a date.

I, as well, am guilty of this, but no more.  Moving forward any dates will be conducted with 100% raw and unedited me, because that is who I am – the true me – and that is the one I want the next one to fall in love with.  Not the edited, and cleaned version.

I found true love.

True, unconditional love.

Within myself. img_20180515_103334_991

 

Self Seduction The Things I Repeat To My Self

Life is nothing more than trial and error. In each and everything we do. If you take these as learning lessons then you can find ways to make the situation better. We don’t walk without falling from time to time. We don’t stang strong without knowing what it’s like to lay weak. It is in our struggle that we learn our blessings. Life will humble you, embrace it as a learning lesson. But it order to do so, you must be willing to educate yourself through your life. Learn about yourself. Learn who you are. This comes when you begin to be true to yourself. True to your core. And remember where there is pain, there is healing. Where there is healing, there is acceptance, and where there is acceptance, there is love.

Happy Weekend Y’all
My randomness

Dudes be like nah it wasn’t me – Cheater Rant

I will confuse you with the variety of ish I will be posting about.  While like all creative souls – we may have different creative things we enjoy to do.  Growing up my brother – he played a guitar and sang and to be honest – he has quite the voice.  Well I do not have the voice for that – and I was the odd ball out listening to Snoop Dawg and Eminem’s tracks, and I’m quite weird.  I mean how many single momma, data loving, baking, blogging rapper writer people do you see?  Hahaha – I mean I am not a Nikki or a Cardi – more of a Lardi geared more toward relationships and my male hating behavior.  Not all men.  Just you know the ones I know hahahaha.
The link to the video is below, please check it out.  You will also find some adorable videos of Marley and me 🙂
U think im always snooping
But really its when ur lip start drooping
A bitch like me ain’t dumb
I can find out what u doing with my thumb
Boy try to go get you some
I can tell what u doing
Without even moving
Cause ya tell on yaself
Get ur shit off my shelf
Every time u open ur mouth u lying
So I don’t even know why u trying
I left your ass with a smile
Cause ur ass was always in denial
Got me feeling like we in a trial
Got me feeling like a prosecutor
Got all these bitches on the computer
U think I’m out here running game
But that shit lame
I’m out working
Ain’t doing no dam twerking
You should have got to jerking
Wtf were you thinking
Cause I wasn’t Blinking
You don’t think that same truck done drove by
Why u even gotta lie
Boy bye