A Mom Who Raps? WTF She Doing?

Yea I know – I should be at home knitting or some shit.  And yet here the fuck we are.

Maybe you didn’t know – My daughter grown.

She was the one that wanted me to start sharing my poetry.

It speaks to people, especially women who have been through a dumbshit relationship.

If it weren’t for my daughter – this would never be shared.

Thank you Princess for convincing me – I was great – even if it is only in your eyes – I will take it – cause your eyes are the ones that matter the most – Love you bug!

Momma Rapping

WTF Am I doing With My Life

Wtf Am I doing With my Life?

Well honestly – I have no dam idea.

The thing you have to understand is that my life for 18 years was focused on being a mother – and trying to figure out how to manage to put food on the table every night.

My life was in fast forward for 18 years – and I was in and out of bad relationships the entire time.

I am discovering who I am.  I had my daughter young – 18 – including marrying her father, then after that marriage failed – married an abusive man.  The men in my life were barely ever around.  So as far as taking care of my child, and my home – that was left on me – and shit was hard.

Right now – a lot of that stress has been lifted.  Yes, still financially struggling – but we are all.  Not having a negative voice in my ear over the past few years has allowed me the opportunity to really be able to take my ideas, and my thoughts and express them in ways I would have never been able to do before for fear of those negative words cutting my thoughts and ideas down as though they were dumb.  My insecurities are going away – and I am discovering I’m actually a badass.

And that ladies and gentlemen is amazing.

So please excuse me while I figure me out.

Currently I’m under construction.

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Are Fat Girls Easy?

I have to ask this question because being a fat girl – for some reason men like to come at me sideways.

Hey I get it.  We are fat – so you automatically assume we all have some deep insecurities that would surely at least get you laid tonight.

Ha!  I have pissed a lot of men off in my lifetime with the ego busting balls I carry around in my purse.

First off, there ain’t shit easy about me.

Secondly, most women at my age can tell when a man is just there to fulfill some sort of fetish fantasy.  YEA MEN WE KNOW

Third thing – only few can handle all that lovings – so weak men need not apply.

I also can’t stand a closet chubby chaser.  If you so ashamed baby you shouldn’t be in my inbox.  Apparently being a chubby chaser is shameful, but being a dick head isn’t?  Some of you guys out there that want to shame the same plus size beauties in public that you jerking off too in private.

Yea we know.

People have preferences.

You love you a large lady – then love her, and be happy about it.

If you love you a little lady – then love her, and be happy about it.

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Social Media Selling – Pushy Post Rant

Pushy Sales

Listen y’all, I appreciate a person pushing the products that they believe in.

But if a person tells you they are broke, it most likely means that in fact they are broke.

I support anyone who is working and putting forth effort for better days, but you don’t have to be pushy in order to do so.

A good product, a valuable product – it will sell itself.   You push people away when you are being pushy.

Thank you though 🙂

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Outside Is Calling Your Name

Y’all it’s a beautiful day outside. Kick your kids out the house And go enjoy this beautiful dam day. Slay all day.

Toss a ball, have some tea. Put the phones down and take it all in.

Big momma out 😉

green grass field during sunset
Photo by David Jakab on Pexels.com

The Fireworks Then The Explosion ~ Momma Rapper in Her Feels

How many time have you dated someone and like you honestly thought wow this could be the one that changes every perception you have of relationships, love, acceptance, understanding? Only to come to the same conclusion each and every time. Hell now I don’t even give the opportunity for error. I just need candid honest, I can be incredibly understanding of many situations, but not of deception.

I need to lead the next relationship with both feet planted firmly in the right direction.

I just don’t have the energy to have to feel unsteady because of betrayal.

#thebeautifultruth

momma rapper

How Dating Could Destroy My Diet

Now this post may come off bitchy, so you must read through to the end to really understand my point of view.  And once you get done, even if you are married, you will most likely understand.

Now you might say to yourself – just because you get involved with someone doesn’t mean you have to kill your diet, but you would be wrong – cause I know how I am.  I know what I am capable of.

I also know how I am in relationships.

Let’s start off with the basics.  From the start – a lot of dates – are surrounded by what?  Yea – food.  Dinner, movies, food.  This is where you start to correlate foods with memories.

Then let’s go into the time.  You see, someone who gets up early in the mornings to workout, well after working all day – I’m too tired to go out.  The weekends come, and I have to take care of things around the house, and spend time with Marley & Leo (my pups).  Now even if I do make the time, guess what happens?  I go out, then go home, then I don’t get enough rest – so then no work out – then I hate you. Hahahaha.

I am also not oblivious to the reality in the success my weight loss either.

IT IS EASIER FOR ME TO LOOSE WEIGHT NOW THAT I AM ALONE

I am a cooking queen.  I love to create, I love to cook for people.  In my house –  before my child became an adult and moved out – we ate dinner at home everyday.  Now that I have an empty nest – I don’t have to cook, and often don’t.  I mean it’s just me – I can make my dinners in a few minutes flat.  My snacks generally consist of cheese or peanut butter but all lchf items.  When I am in a relationship, I use my food to do the seducing for me.  I want to cook at every opportunity to not only showcase my skills, but for level of involvement.  I enjoy an interactive man in the kitchen – but one that is suggestive and not controlling.  It’s fun when you find someone you love to cook with – but then again – that is again the issue – YOU ARE ALWAYS COOKING SO YOU ARE ALWAYS EATING. This goes for moms and dads too.  Children are little food monsters.  They are growing – they need to be fed.  We eat when they eat – so yea – it is harder when you have kids, or in a relationship.

So yea – dating could destroy my diet.

 

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

The Many Men and Why Women Think They Are All the Same

Partly because most are the same, just in different ways.

Let me explain this.

I don’t believe this is just for women either. I’ve come to know that men often feel these same feelings, that trust is now a thing of the past.

We constantly seek acceptance, however we are never accepting of ourselves. A feeling that often leads us in finding fullfilment in a spouse, which always leads to failed, pressured, heated and intense arguments.

We have become a society that seeks the next big thing. We are constant seekers of improvement but we try to improve in the wrong ways.

Men and women alike look around themselves and looks at their spouse and says, hmm how can I improve who they are to suite my lifestyle? And if they don’t comply, what happens? The seeking begins, looking for one that will comply.

For men, it is often times a physical denial. If a woman doesn’t fulfill a sexual desire, a man will seek it. I have come to know, that often times it isn’t because a man is just horny. Often times it’s because he has a feeling of rejection. For a man, sexual rejection is like a stab in the soul.

Women, they are emotional seekers. So if a woman doesn’t feel emotionally satisfied, she will begin to seek. When a woman gets emotionally shut down, the insecurities begin because she doesn’t feel valued enough to have her opinion mean something. So when a man comes along, with an open ear, she is eager.

Most of the time, we seek to fix each other, instead of fixing ourselves. Then by sticking it out with the wrong ones, we feel like we are stronger, because we accomplished something by modifying someone’s negative behaviors.

What I have noticed too, that yeah we modify their behaviors for sure. They get sneakier, better at their deceptions.

How will you know who you are if you are always modifying who you are to fit someone else’s idolization of who you should be?????? ~ The Momma Rapper

I know I am different, and I’m okay with that. I will continue to be the truth in a false world.

Marley & Me – A Dog’s Tale

Meet Marley

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I can say without a doubt – he is the love of my life.  They always say dogs come into our lives for a reason – and I truly believe that.  To be quite honest I was kind of in that in between stage.  Wanting a dog, but knowing you can’t really afford another mouth to feed.  Well the kid and I had tossed around the idea, and it just so happened about a week after that conversation – along came home a very rough-looking pup.  A fat one, but a rough-looking one.

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(My two babies)

OMG isn’t he just the cutest.  Yes he is.  I know.  LOOK AT HIM hahahaha.  My daughter quite beautiful too – I KNOW.  I have beautiful babies.  Marley was actually her dog the first few weeks – but she is young – and well I used that against her to take possession of him.  I basically force adopted him hahahaha.  But really she knew him and I were meant to be.  Especially after the night she wanted to take him out-of-town and I had a complete crying fit – yeah – that was the night I knew I fell in love with him.

I am not joking either.  My daughter can attest to this story.  I was getting onto her about having the responsibilities of having a dog – and that she couldn’t be leaving during the weekends and leaving the dog to  me.

Then she pop off with – well I will take him with me.  HELL NO.  Like it was bad enough my child was grown – but like now you wanna take my grand baby riding around doing God knows what, what if he runs off or gets hurt.  He won’t know how to get home cause he just got here.  Yea yea – I know – I became my mother.

The thing is – that for those 3 weeks that Marley had been here – Katie had been gone on the weekends.  Me and this little one – we started doing things together.  Like, everything.  At the time he was a pup – I still had a regular vehicle.  So he got to go to the laundry mat, to the grocery store, I mean he was little so like you could just hold him like a baby hahaha.  screenshot_2017-12-01-10-45-35

Marley car rides

Isn’t he adorable 🙂 hahaha.

A bond that is really unmatched.  If I had to choose to do something with friends or Marley, it’s gonna be Marley.  I mean after all, he has been there through a lot.  And he is always down to do whatever.

All I got to say is “Marley wanna go ______” and he is like yep.  I could say let’s go to bed, he would be like, yep.  Wanna go on a walk, YEEEPPPP.  Wanna dance, yep.  Wanna throw fetch, yep.  Wanna sit out back and watch the stars, YEP.  He really does enjoy those things – or he is just pretty good at playing along hahahaha.

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Marley nap time

He gets me through the tough times.  He makes me laugh when I am sad.  He loves me unconditionally, despite how I look, how I feel, he is always there.  If I want to eat junk food, he says nothing, he just wants a bite, he is most definitely my partner in crime.  He is tough when he needs to be, even though he acts like a baby sometimes – when called to arms – he is there.

To be honest – he reminds me a little of my dad.  He does the things I know my dad would do if he was still here, and that would be comfort and protect.  Two things I’ve never experienced from a spouse, I at least had the blessing of having that growing up.  Something many people lack, and probably why I pose as a challenge for most men – because a weak man will never be a good match for me.

Yep, a Daddy’s girl.  Raised in the mud, tough as nails, a mouth you can’t control, witty and wild.

There are a lot of things that I know I would have never done alone, that I have been able to do because I have Marley by my side.  And a lot of those things have to do with my father.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post – we spent a great deal of time outdoors, as a family, building cypress furniture.  Even as kids, all of us, my cousins included would gather around a peel bark – or do whatever to earn money to able to go to the store.

Yea sounds crazy – but it taught us how to earn a living.  Nothing in life is free, NOTHING.  It cost someone, something, somehow, in some capacity, even if it is free to you.  Most of us picked up some tricks of the trade, and while my skill is nothing compared to the boys of the family, being the only girl – I can still build some shit.

It had been a long time since I had picked up a hammer, other than to hang picture frames.  I always loved to build things too.  That wasn’t really an option in the second marriage.  My vision didn’t line up with his – so it was better to just set that to the side, it was better than arguing.

You see, I got Marley at a time where I was transitioning into the single life, once again, and this time, in a different capacity than ever before.  At the time I didn’t know it, but looking back now.  I don’t know – he brought me companionship in a time where I needed it the most.

As I have said previously, single life isn’t for the weak.  There are a lot of lonely nights – and often times you can find yourself losing sleep, or losing yourself.  Trying to analyze your life, trying figure it all out.  Scary nights.  Getting used to the silence.  It was all scary.  Yes, even though I hate to admit it, even those crying nights.  You might say, well you got a kid.  Yea – a grown one, and even two years ago – she was still 17 – she was still gone most weekends.

Well do you know what happens when you get a pup?  They keep you busy.  They give you someone to talk to.  They kiss your tears away.  They curl up to you when you need them.  He makes me laugh.  He protects the house.  He watches movies, and even is my personal trainer.  Yep my personal trainer, cause he loves him some jogging.

 

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Marley Playing

With having Marley by my side, I guess in a way – it helped me learn more about me, because I am more willing to do things alone, because really I am not alone.  He is here.  He helped me paint the house we are in, helped me build quite a few picture frames.  He stands in the kitchen and watches me cook without saying anything when I am sneaking some snacksies.  Probably cause he just waiting on his.

Most people think he got the name from the movie, but actually after The Marley family.  And while I joke that Marley is nothing like his name intended, cause he has no chill, in reality – he name is very suiting.  He brought me love and peace at a time in which a war was raging within my soul.  He helped me get back to my creative and adventurous side.  He is my peace.  I mean you walk into your doors, and like how could your day not be left at the door, when they are so excited to see you??? Like they love you – even if you are covered in sweat, dirt, they gives no fks.  They like come here let me lick yo face! Hahahaha.

 

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So the next time you look at Mars and say he isn’t my son – you can kiss my jelly fish.

 

Marley & Me