I Smell Cakes and Candy

Are Fat Girls Easy?

I have to ask this question because being a fat girl – for some reason men like to come at me sideways.

Hey I get it. We are fat – so you automatically assume we all have some deep insecurities that would surely at least get you laid tonight.

Ha! I have pissed a lot of men off in my lifetime with the ego busting balls I carry around in my purse.

First off, there ain’t shit easy about me.

Secondly, most women at my age can tell when a man is just there to fulfill some sort of fetish fantasy. YEA MEN WE KNOW

Third thing – only few can handle all that lovings – so weak men need not apply.

I also can’t stand a closet chubby chaser. If you so ashamed baby you shouldn’t be in my inbox. Apparently being a chubby chaser is shameful, but being a dick head isn’t? Some of you guys out there that want to shame the same plus size beauties in public that you jerking off too in private.

Yea we know.

People have preferences.

You love you a large lady – then love her, and be happy about it.

If you love you a little lady – then love her, and be happy about it.

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Outside Is Calling Your Name

Y’all it’s a beautiful day outside. Kick your kids out the house And go enjoy this beautiful dam day. Slay all day.

Toss a ball, have some tea. Put the phones down and take it all in.

Big momma out 😉

green grass field during sunset — Photo by David Jakab on Pexels.com

The Fireworks Then The Explosion ~ Momma Rapper in Her Feels

How many time have you dated someone and like you honestly thought wow this could be the one that changes every perception you have of relationships, love, acceptance, understanding? Only to come to the same conclusion each and every time. Hell now I don’t even give the opportunity for error. I just need candid honest, I can be incredibly understanding of many situations, but not of deception.

I need to lead the next relationship with both feet planted firmly in the right direction.

I just don’t have the energy to have to feel unsteady because of betrayal.

#thebeautifultruth

momma rapper

How Dating Could Destroy My Diet

Now this post may come off bitchy, so you must read through to the end to really understand my point of view. And once you get done, even if you are married, you will most likely understand.

Now you might say to yourself – just because you get involved with someone doesn’t mean you have to kill your diet, but you would be wrong – cause I know how I am. I know what I am capable of.

I also know how I am in relationships.

Let’s start off with the basics. From the start – a lot of dates – are surrounded by what? Yea – food. Dinner, movies, food. This is where you start to correlate foods with memories.

Then let’s go into the time. You see, someone who gets up early in the mornings to workout, well after working all day – I’m too tired to go out. The weekends come, and I have to take care of things around the house, and spend time with Marley & Leo (my pups). Now even if I do make the time, guess what happens? I go out, then go home, then I don’t get enough rest – so then no work out – then I hate you. Hahahaha.

I am also not oblivious to the reality in the success my weight loss either.

IT IS EASIER FOR ME TO LOOSE WEIGHT NOW THAT I AM ALONE

I am a cooking queen. I love to create, I love to cook for people. In my house – before my child became an adult and moved out – we ate dinner at home everyday. Now that I have an empty nest – I don’t have to cook, and often don’t. I mean it’s just me – I can make my dinners in a few minutes flat. My snacks generally consist of cheese or peanut butter but all lchf items. When I am in a relationship, I use my food to do the seducing for me. I want to cook at every opportunity to not only showcase my skills, but for level of involvement. I enjoy an interactive man in the kitchen – but one that is suggestive and not controlling. It’s fun when you find someone you love to cook with – but then again – that is again the issue – YOU ARE ALWAYS COOKING SO YOU ARE ALWAYS EATING. This goes for moms and dads too. Children are little food monsters. They are growing – they need to be fed. We eat when they eat – so yea – it is harder when you have kids, or in a relationship.

So yea – dating could destroy my diet.

adult blur bouquet boy — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The Many Men and Why Women Think They Are All the Same

Partly because most are the same, just in different ways.

Let me explain this.

I don’t believe this is just for women either. I’ve come to know that men often feel these same feelings, that trust is now a thing of the past.

We constantly seek acceptance, however we are never accepting of ourselves. A feeling that often leads us in finding fullfilment in a spouse, which always leads to failed, pressured, heated and intense arguments.

We have become a society that seeks the next big thing. We are constant seekers of improvement but we try to improve in the wrong ways.

Men and women alike look around themselves and looks at their spouse and says, hmm how can I improve who they are to suite my lifestyle? And if they don’t comply, what happens? The seeking begins, looking for one that will comply.

For men, it is often times a physical denial. If a woman doesn’t fulfill a sexual desire, a man will seek it. I have come to know, that often times it isn’t because a man is just horny. Often times it’s because he has a feeling of rejection. For a man, sexual rejection is like a stab in the soul.

Women, they are emotional seekers. So if a woman doesn’t feel emotionally satisfied, she will begin to seek. When a woman gets emotionally shut down, the insecurities begin because she doesn’t feel valued enough to have her opinion mean something. So when a man comes along, with an open ear, she is eager.

Most of the time, we seek to fix each other, instead of fixing ourselves. Then by sticking it out with the wrong ones, we feel like we are stronger, because we accomplished something by modifying someone’s negative behaviors.

What I have noticed too, that yeah we modify their behaviors for sure. They get sneakier, better at their deceptions.

How will you know who you are if you are always modifying who you are to fit someone else’s idolization of who you should be?????? ~ The Momma Rapper

I know I am different, and I’m okay with that. I will continue to be the truth in a false world.

Marley & Me – A Dog’s Tale

Meet Marley

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I can say without a doubt – he is the love of my life. They always say dogs come into our lives for a reason – and I truly believe that. To be quite honest I was kind of in that in between stage. Wanting a dog, but knowing you can’t really afford another mouth to feed. Well the kid and I had tossed around the idea, and it just so happened about a week after that conversation – along came home a very rough-looking pup. A fat one, but a rough-looking one.

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(My two babies)

OMG isn’t he just the cutest. Yes he is. I know. LOOK AT HIM hahahaha. My daughter quite beautiful too – I KNOW. I have beautiful babies. Marley was actually her dog the first few weeks – but she is young – and well I used that against her to take possession of him. I basically force adopted him hahahaha. But really she knew him and I were meant to be. Especially after the night she wanted to take him out-of-town and I had a complete crying fit – yeah – that was the night I knew I fell in love with him.

I am not joking either. My daughter can attest to this story. I was getting onto her about having the responsibilities of having a dog – and that she couldn’t be leaving during the weekends and leaving the dog to me.

Then she pop off with – well I will take him with me. HELL NO. Like it was bad enough my child was grown – but like now you wanna take my grand baby riding around doing God knows what, what if he runs off or gets hurt. He won’t know how to get home cause he just got here. Yea yea – I know – I became my mother.

The thing is – that for those 3 weeks that Marley had been here – Katie had been gone on the weekends. Me and this little one – we started doing things together. Like, everything. At the time he was a pup – I still had a regular vehicle. So he got to go to the laundry mat, to the grocery store, I mean he was little so like you could just hold him like a baby hahaha. screenshot_2017-12-01-10-45-35

Marley car rides

Isn’t he adorable 🙂 hahaha.

A bond that is really unmatched. If I had to choose to do something with friends or Marley, it’s gonna be Marley. I mean after all, he has been there through a lot. And he is always down to do whatever.

All I got to say is “Marley wanna go ______” and he is like yep. I could say let’s go to bed, he would be like, yep. Wanna go on a walk, YEEEPPPP. Wanna dance, yep. Wanna throw fetch, yep. Wanna sit out back and watch the stars, YEP. He really does enjoy those things – or he is just pretty good at playing along hahahaha.

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Marley nap time

He gets me through the tough times. He makes me laugh when I am sad. He loves me unconditionally, despite how I look, how I feel, he is always there. If I want to eat junk food, he says nothing, he just wants a bite, he is most definitely my partner in crime. He is tough when he needs to be, even though he acts like a baby sometimes – when called to arms – he is there.

To be honest – he reminds me a little of my dad. He does the things I know my dad would do if he was still here, and that would be comfort and protect. Two things I’ve never experienced from a spouse, I at least had the blessing of having that growing up. Something many people lack, and probably why I pose as a challenge for most men – because a weak man will never be a good match for me.

Yep, a Daddy’s girl. Raised in the mud, tough as nails, a mouth you can’t control, witty and wild.

There are a lot of things that I know I would have never done alone, that I have been able to do because I have Marley by my side. And a lot of those things have to do with my father.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post – we spent a great deal of time outdoors, as a family, building cypress furniture. Even as kids, all of us, my cousins included would gather around a peel bark – or do whatever to earn money to able to go to the store.

Yea sounds crazy – but it taught us how to earn a living. Nothing in life is free, NOTHING. It cost someone, something, somehow, in some capacity, even if it is free to you. Most of us picked up some tricks of the trade, and while my skill is nothing compared to the boys of the family, being the only girl – I can still build some shit.

It had been a long time since I had picked up a hammer, other than to hang picture frames. I always loved to build things too. That wasn’t really an option in the second marriage. My vision didn’t line up with his – so it was better to just set that to the side, it was better than arguing.

You see, I got Marley at a time where I was transitioning into the single life, once again, and this time, in a different capacity than ever before. At the time I didn’t know it, but looking back now. I don’t know – he brought me companionship in a time where I needed it the most.

As I have said previously, single life isn’t for the weak. There are a lot of lonely nights – and often times you can find yourself losing sleep, or losing yourself. Trying to analyze your life, trying figure it all out. Scary nights. Getting used to the silence. It was all scary. Yes, even though I hate to admit it, even those crying nights. You might say, well you got a kid. Yea – a grown one, and even two years ago – she was still 17 – she was still gone most weekends.

Well do you know what happens when you get a pup? They keep you busy. They give you someone to talk to. They kiss your tears away. They curl up to you when you need them. He makes me laugh. He protects the house. He watches movies, and even is my personal trainer. Yep my personal trainer, cause he loves him some jogging.

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Marley Playing

With having Marley by my side, I guess in a way – it helped me learn more about me, because I am more willing to do things alone, because really I am not alone. He is here. He helped me paint the house we are in, helped me build quite a few picture frames. He stands in the kitchen and watches me cook without saying anything when I am sneaking some snacksies. Probably cause he just waiting on his.

Most people think he got the name from the movie, but actually after The Marley family. And while I joke that Marley is nothing like his name intended, cause he has no chill, in reality – he name is very suiting. He brought me love and peace at a time in which a war was raging within my soul. He helped me get back to my creative and adventurous side. He is my peace. I mean you walk into your doors, and like how could your day not be left at the door, when they are so excited to see you??? Like they love you – even if you are covered in sweat, dirt, they gives no fks. They like come here let me lick yo face! Hahahaha.

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So the next time you look at Mars and say he isn’t my son – you can kiss my jelly fish.

Marley & Me

When the Rooster Doesn’t Rise (not for children) Bedroom Talk

Yea ladies I would like to discuss this bedroom no rise to shine issue.

I would have to gander that if you ever had one in your hen house then you know exactly what I am referring to, but what happens when it becomes more than an occasional occurrence?

I mean we all get the drunken Rooster, the before first pee in the morning Rooster. But those are typically rare. And we understand those. But what about the times where he should have been able to wake the neighborhood? Cock a doodle Doo you into a great morning.

Well it becomes a bad morning right?

Oh Jesus the questions we ask ourselves. What happens when the Rooster rises but then falls back to sleep during? Like goodbye self esteem hello question every body part, and sink into a slight depression over his ignorance to not see all this yum yum.

Then the awkward questions afterwards. And roosters, it pisses the hens off. Like, we expect you to rise and shine. We consider it not only a disappointment in you but also in ourselves.

Yea there’s going to be questions. Whether they are voiced or not depends on the hen, but there will be assumptions of the Rooster hitting other hen houses on the way home from work. Or if the Rooster somehow bumped his head and no longer finds the fluffy hen so fantastically gorgeous anymore and has lost interest in those thick thighs. I mean the possibilities are endless.

I would like to know from both sides. The women, have you experienced this, if so, what was the outcome?

From the men, which I doubt many would be brave enough to answer, but if any takers, if you have had this issue, what was the reason why? And were you brave enough to discuss the reasons why at the time?

I am a talker, so when it has happened, and questioned it, I would always get “can we just leave it alone”

Yea sure noodle boy, I’ll just sit here and die in my feelings, pondering which bitch ur talking to this week. Hahahaha.

Shady Shit Saga

I don’t understand the obsession with being shady, and this isn’t just for men. Like in general. People in general? I don’t understand why people can’t just say what they mean, and mean what they say?

Like in all aspects of life too. Lovers, friends, family. Like in all aspects.

It is the biggest reason we don’t trust people. I mean how many times have any of you trusted someone, and they failed in devastating measures? In probably every aspect of your life as well?

And like I get it, I know someone who is doing some shady shit gonna say, cause I don’t want to hurt the other person. Hey, I have said that too. That protective demeanor, yet it is really destructive. I know it is hard sometimes to have those truth talks, but really we need to start having them.

I look back at all my relationships, and I know I sit here single cause I don’t want to lay next to someone in which I have to question their intentions. And it isn’t like I don’t make attempts, but I have yet to come across a man in the dating world that holds these, what should be, core values.

Friendships are the one that is the most complex of all of them for me. Mainly because I am closed off really but just to a few select people. Most of them from hometown, and have known for a lifetime, and the select other few that have been able to handle my crazy ass. Doesn’t mean that I haven’t picked up a few along the way that had to be left in memory. Doesn’t really matter the reasons, or the whys, because at the end of the day – none of that matters. What I never did understand is why two women could be incredibly close one day, and because some thing was said, or done, and someone gets mad or offended, people run off and talk shit about each other, instead of saying what you have to say to each other. USE YOUR WORDS. And I know a lot of women do this. I would rather my friend and I have discuss this shit, and work it out – then do destroy the relationship? Even in the relationships that have fallen, and someone asks me about that person – I always respond the same way.

“We don’t talk anymore, but I wish her the best, I will always love her”

We do not have to cut each other down to makes ourselves look better.

And when you have friends and a relationship, sometimes you are just hoping no one gets too close. Ya, that has happened to me, and it only has to happen to you once before you get nervous about having your boyfriend around your friends. And like what kind of fucking life is that? Like I wanna hang out with all my peoples without having to worry about someone trying to play after hour poker.

Cheating seems to be so common. Sex no longer has emotional attachment. Everyone trying to fulfill some type of fantasy – and yet maybe if they had these conversations with their partner – maybe they would find out, they had what they were looking for the whole time..

That is where that, don’t toss a diamond looking for a rock saying comes from. The constant seeking of satisfaction, yet never achieving it, because you never take the time to appreciate love and accept a person on a different level.

I know I said to an ex one day “I don’t even know who you are, you don’t even know who you are”. When we live in a constant lie, the people around you don’t know who you are – this creates chaos.

This distrust in each that we have can only be repaired by starting within ourselves. Let’s get back to having conversations. Let’s get back to some of those core values. Let’s start being truthful. Let’s own up to the crazy shit we do.

Let’s build each other up. Not tear each other down. Life is hard – our relationships shouldn’t be. We shouldn’t have to question each other’s intentions day in day out. Stop the madness.

Fancy Bread Recipe The Carb Catering Tales

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Oh no, it is the horrible carb loaded bad boy BREAD hahahaha. I know, I know – I can hear you ask yourself – but she is on modified keto, what is she doing with this delicate looking delight? Well because not everyone is on keto, and because it’s important for a wide range of palettes, plus; BALANCE people. I have shared and I will not lie, I do; from time to time have carbs in my diet. Is it the norm? Of course not; diets work best when you actually follow them, but I am in this long term, and to look at someone and say that I will never put a slice of bread or a bowl of pasta in my belly from time to time, would just be a bold faced lie. I have control over that though, I have control over what is on plate. My diet is a lifestyle. Breads, carbs, sugars, they are treats now, and not a part of my daily diet, and that is how I have balanced my diet.

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This is your typical cuban bread from Walmart – for I think 2.00. The rest is stuff I had in the fridge. This is the bread we would often make with spaghetti or lasagna or any of those other carb filled friends.

The thing is this is more of a technique and tweaking than anything else. Now you could easily just throw some butter and cheese on top of the bread – but then where is the fun in trying new things? Plus, in my experience, once you have this bread – you really won’t want it any other way.

Things you will need:

1 loaf of cuban bread

1tbsp of heavy whipping cream

4 tbsp of unsalted sweet cream butter

1 cup of shredded sharp white cheddar

1/4 cup of shredded sharp cheddar (yellow)

1 tsp (or more depending on taste) of garlic salt

dash of parsley

You can adjust the recipe as you prefer to taste. The first step I generally do before I start cooking the rest of the meal. You will mix the garlic, white cheddar cheese, heavy whipping cream, butter on the stove over medium high heat – just long enough for everything to melt. This shouldn’t take too long, just stirring and mixing until well combined and melted together. Take off stove, pour into a covered dish and place into fridge.

Great now you made yourself some cheese butter!

I know simple right – a 5 minute little thing that turns an okkaayyy garlic bread into a satisfying and seductive delight that is slightly addictive.

When you are ready to toast the bread.

Now that the cheese butter is solid and can be scooped out like butter – apply to the top of the cuban bread. I generally just scoop out about 1 tbsp in even sections, and coat – then go back over to add any remaining. You can decide how much coverage – I like it messy, so I scoop mountains. Don’t judge me, if I am going to ingest carbs – I am gonna have them how I want them hahahaha.

Here is another preference point, I like a soft centered bread with a crunchy and cheesy top. I only top broil on high heat. You can decide what you want to do here. If you like a soft top and crunchy bottom, baking at 400 will get you there. So really at this step – decide where you want the crunch – and go with the setting on the stove that will get you to your desired crunch, and preheat. And if you like crunch on both – then run your oven at 400 for the first 7-10 minutes, then broil on high for 5-7 minutes.

Put your cheesy hot mess in the oven. And cook until the cheese starts to bubble. I know wth??? Right at the best part??? I know I know. But remember that 1/4 of sharp yellow cheddar? Yea – more cheese. Take your bread that is just a few minutes away from being done, and sprinkle the yellow cheese over the white mixture. Just lightly coated. Stick it back in the oven till you get the top how you prefer. Generally no more than 10-15 minutes total.

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Sprinkle the tops with some parsley and serve on up.

Your family will thank you.

Happy Carb Catering Day!

P.S. Am I the only one that loves the burnt cheese slide off from oven baked foods? Cause I am about that life!

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