I Smell Cakes and Candy

I give props to those who take the time to roll these out ever so perfectly,  I am not one of those people.  Which, to me, it’s kind of funny because I have OCD, but that only extends to the order in my life, when it comes to creating – I like chaos.

The aftermath created from it – it drives my OCD – it’s satisfying.  I get the best of both worlds.  I get to create, design, make it my own.  Then there is a mess.  OOooo look – something to organize and clean.  Oddly enough – the cleaning part is soothing to me to an extent.

There are times, the dishes, the piles, it is like dam – I did too much, and often times I’m so tired from working that the mess is bothersome.  I also don’t like messes left by others, especially if it is left prior to one of my creative explorations in the kitchen.  Like now I got to clean this mess so I can make my own mess, how does that even make sense?  IDK – I am who I am….

Now, you would think this is a recipe post – cause I mean buckeyes, and yea I’m going to give you a recipe alright.

The recipe includes:

make it your own

Buckeye recipes, there are thousands, and they are all basically the same.  Peanut butter, powdered sugar, vanilla, chocolate and some good ol fashion Crisco to thin out that yummy chocolate.  There are variations, but you get the drift.

There’s some things I do differently than some – but maybe the same as others.  For one, I don’t melt my butter.  I have a KitchenAid mixer – and I like the consistency of the mix when I beat the shit out of the butter, then add the other ingredients one by one.  YOU CANNOT DO THIS WITH THE 7.00 MIXER FROM WALMART – or any other handmixer.  If you don’t have one – follow the melting butter recipe you can find on Google.  

Changing how much powdered sugar will change the consistency – and honestly – sometimes I like mine a little more firm than other times.

I like variations.

I like changing it up a little every time too.  Adding different flavored extracts can change the recipe dramatically.  Caution though – almond – it’s a very strong extract – so only add a little at a time – coconut was good – the fruit ones – not so much.  

I also prefer to drizzle the chocolate instead of dipping.

Sometimes I even go out of my way of piping the chocolate.

Just depends on my mood.

At the end of the day – the result is the same.

It’s all fucking delicious.

It’s crazy that my sides are split some vastly different.  Is that bi-polar or is that level-headed?  Best of both words.  I know how to have order, but I also know life.  

I feel like I don’t get enough of both at all times.  

Split between being a goal driven workaholic to an engineer of creativity.  

Split between driving a force to make a better life for my family to wanting to rough it financially to be able to spend time with them.  

I finally gave up the weekend shifts at work.  While the overtime was fantastic – I have just been burning the candle at all ends.  Between my creative avenues involving my blog, music, all my social media profiles, relationship, being a mother, making money, managing the bills and running the household – working 26 out of 30 days for nearly 5 months, and not setting any other responsibility down – I’m just tired boss. 

And yet – still feel a little twisted because I know my family could use the money – and feel selfish for wanting to get some rest at the same time.  A struggle a lot of parents go through, especially those who have been or who are currently running shit on their own.  I am not.  Roommate got a job – bills have evened out – and honestly not sure my body could take much more, and God knows – my mental health can’t take the break from my creative outlets.  

The push to make my creative channels my primary source of income to be able to blend my life in the perfect recipe has been at an all time high.  

My addiction.  

My addiction has become creating.  

Ain’t that some shit.  

We all have pain.  I’ve tried dealing with it in so many ways.  I feel like I have healed.  Through isolation, reflection, walking, silence, I healed.  On my own, I grew strong.  

And now I have grown stronger.  

There are two humanoids that drive my ambition.  

One because I birthed her. 

The other…..

Greg. 

I actually enjoy spending time with him, a feeling I’m not too familiar with.  To be quite honest – I spent a life of running from men, often finding myself running into the hands of dipshits that left me feeling like burnt chocolate.  In the heat too long.  Emotionally dried up.  

Then here comes my heavy whipping cream to fix that emotional detachment from the world.  

He has been introducing me back into the wilderness of love and I have been quite taken back by him, even as I sit here using his shit to type out my emotions to pour them out to the world, he is just sitting back waiting for me.  

Which speaking of…. Till next time…. 

 

#pressplay – Momma’s in a contest and I could use the love – currently holding at #3 – which is like WOW – I felt the beat – and Momma could use that $$$ cause right now – backing off the OT at work – I got to try to figure out how the hell I’m gonna get a tree and hell presents – like ugh…

The p