Day 15 – daylight or destruction? Or both?

My job has apparently officially let me go – I knew the moment was coming – and I know I can’t work – but was hoping it would wait out until at least my appointment with the neurosurgeon.  Something the company could have done – considering I’ve been on medical leave.  Kind of need the medical if your on medical leave.  But it’s fine, just another hurdle to overcome.  Just something else to figure out.  What’s going on with the coronovirus is scary.  What’s going on with the world is scary.

My music is moving, dropped several tracks this week.  One official version, one for a contest, and a collab.  My music showing the healing, but the stress of the bills, rising everyday.  The medicinal medicine that’s already hard to get a hold of – that will be gone soon – but some how I still have hope that beneath all of this is a stage of healing like no other.  My music becoming better.  I’m feeling more free.  Free from negativity – and it’s showing.  Face brighter, lyrics lighters.  My latest track – one of the best I’ve released so far.  I’m really starting to feel free.  Starting to feel alive – but here soon – the stress from the bills will consume what little good I am feeling now.
My job pulling my benefits before my neuro appointment is a real disappointment.  It was bad enough I couldn’t work, now – no medical.  This is how people end up homeless, on the streets.

I’m confused with myself right now.  How can I feel better, especially knowing that I have bills coming and no income?  How can I wake up in the morning and actually feel like I can breathe knowing that my financial structure is caving?  I don’t know.  Maybe because I know that my mental health is just as disrupting as my physical health, and right now I’m battling a triple hitter of horse shit – but I keep trying to push through.

I’m staying positive amidst it all.  Feeling refreshed and new.  I know that somehow, some way – my dreams of running my own business from home that includes my baked goods, bath essentials, things that calm the chaos of the world – I know soon – that will be how I survive.  I just got to find a way to make it from point a to point b so I can make it to point c.

Until next time, breathe, meditate, image therapy, yoga, music.

Please check out my latest track:

Obsessive Compulsive Desires

If you can help in any way – please visit my GoFundMe,  PayPalMe or as always – just find a “Momma Rapper” track anywhere – and press play!!!!

 

 

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