Day 6 – World falling apart….

Woke up this morning and it’s just like the shit doesn’t get any better.  Right now I am really trying to feel better.  Just trying to get back to feeling functional, and yet each way I turn it’s like a slap back.  First, couldn’t find my phone this morning – finally found it – and apparently I hadn’t paid my phone bill.  I remember logging in, and I remember doing the payment – but what I forgot is that the card was in the car – and I didn’t get the CVV # right – so I never finished making the payment, and now – after the fuckery with the bank – I won’t have it this week either…

Explain to me how I get hit with an overdraft fee with positive monies in the account?  Now I get the second overdraft fee… but not the first one…

And now I don’t have the money to pay my car payment….

And people wander how people end up homeless….

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And like fuck I am trying… I really am..

The very thought of even stepping one foot back in that place sends my anxiety through the roof.  Apparently I have associated my job with my childhood trauma.  A discovery like so many  others I have had during counseling.  I have been under psychiatric care since Friday.  I have slightly been losing myself month after month because I never dealt with or treated my C-PTSD.

I already had stress, stress just from trying to walk out my front door to pretend to be normal to be able to pay my bills.

But what happens when your mental health breaks down and the biggest thing on your plate right now, is just trying to make it through the day?

I don’t know what to do..

I am praying my disability appointment yields some hope.  Trying to stay positive right now is really becoming a challenge.

I’m already over today and it just started…

Like for once in my life, for the love of God, please just give me a break for a few days so I can heal..



I created a gofundme – if you would like to help or share that would be great….


5 thoughts on “Day 6 – World falling apart….

  1. Hello to you, I have just read your posts and im very sorry about what you have been through in your past and what your going through now, this world is difficult enough for anybody, but what you must be feeling i can not imagine. All i can say is may you find the strength to live your life the way you want, god bless you and thank you for sharing your thoughts with others here on wordpress.


      1. Good luck! Just remember bad days pass. It is ok to seek and ask for help. And you can do it.


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