The Aftermath of Abuse~ the Whore Walk

I am going to get pretty real about my own life, and I know some of this might be like wow, but if you actually knew me in real life, none of this has part of my life has ever been hidden. The things you would think I should hide from the world, I find no shame in it. I did in my rapping world because that was deep-rooted insecurities. Anyways.

And some of this may sound crazy and it is, but don’t act like we don’t all have some shit that would make people say, what???

So yea if u listened to the song, and understood the lyrics than yeah.

I had an affair on my husband.

But not so much and hold your ass up, cause some of y’all like to just scrub the surface and run.

Sometimes you need to dig a little deeper. My ex husband and I were toxic. Toxic is an understatement to the amount of hell we lived in. We hated each other for so much. He was mad at me for wanting to slow down in life, and me to him for never wanting to. He loved him some bars and doing whatever wherever.

Let me also say, I was faithful and committed, a good church going with his family type wife, for most of our marriage. You deal with enough abuse, and if someone comes along with soft words, you’re quick to jump the pond.

I also never hid my relationship with my lover, and my intimate part of my relationship ended many years before that point and not even sleeping in the same rooms.

My ex had torn me down so bad, he never believed another man would look at me, not at a hefty, at that time, 340 pounds. Down nearly 90 pounds from my heaviest. Hell even his parents were ashamed of me.

Hell I didn’t even believe it when a man looked at me, and was interested in me, looking how I did. And of course he was sweet, and charming.

Now I would like to add here as well that women who are in abusive relationships, we are targets for additional abusers. They see that there is a submissive side, often promising of roses and redemption in life but in reality they just bring different abuse. For a time, I figure, maybe he was my karma for having am extramarital affair, but that I never understood, considering my ex husband was in constant back and forth with different women during our marriage, never got served any karma. Not including the ones I don’t know about or the ones he doesn’t remember. He would never hide the things he had done, and I, in a sick way, respected him for that.

Sounds crazy right, but even to this day, I still kind of do. And actually now that I think about it, more so. I mean think about it.

The relationship after my husband, he was the kind that loved to be sneaky.

And to this day I still stand by the fact that I prefer the back of a hand over a lie out the mouth.

How the hell you supposed to know who you are even with, if that person is constantly lying? And to me, when you alter the truth to get a different outcome, it just means you are trying to stop the direction of fate. Honesty sets you free on so many levels, like toxic relationships🤔

You may still be confused on how I could have an affair and not have lied about it. Well, first off, again, my ex-husband was in the firm belief no one would want me.

He would often ask who I was talking to, and I would answer with “my boyfriend”. With witnesses surrounding us. I mean let’s be 💯 for a minute. I am not saying I didn’t lie at all, I’m just saying that I didn’t hide him. To keep peace, yea there were moments of sneaky behavior but that’s what happens when you are weak and being preyed upon.

By yet another one just trying to burrow theirs claws into an empty shell.

Like I had to sit my ex husband down and pretty much like spell it out to him. I can remember, my best friend waiting outside the door, just waiting to see how it was going to go. Hospital or morgue tonight? On the contrary though. That shit hit his ego somehow and shit changed permanently.

Little by little he became weaker and I became stronger. And now I am free from all of them.

And listen if any of you are ass holes like the above mentioned, don’t come at me now with that shit. I will drop kick ur ass in the throat.

And some of y’all wonder why women turn cold cold.

One Call

The beautiful truth 😘

Please give it a listen. Feedback always appreciated.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: