Greg just recently starting working at the same place I do. Which surprisingly enough, I actually enjoy. Well I mean, for the most part…..
There’s one big issue…
Now I’m back to sleeping alone…
And sometimes in the back of my car..
Which, the latter of the two, I kind of thought would trigger my PTSD, but to be honest, I sleep like a baby in a car.
Something that stemmed from childhood, that was very useful in my second marriage.
You see, we only have one vehicle and the scooter. It’s been too cold and it’s really too far to drive for him to take the scooter. So for now, until he is able to buy a vehicle, we share Mr. Grey, my car. So when he works, he gets off at 5:30 a.m. I go in at 7:30. So we often find a place to park and catch a few more minutes of sleep before I have to go into work. I often don’t go to sleep till midnight, so that 4 am alarm hit different 🙄 That extra 30 minutes often helps.
The back seat was often a safe place to sleep. Often meant Katie and I were halfway between there and no where, probably at a rest stop, gas station, camp ground, or the side of some dead end road in the middle of no where. Not to be found.
Running from all my problems but never finding solutions, so once gas was gone, it was time to return to hell.
But for those moments, in the car, laughing, dancing, singing, eating, having fun, that was our escape. We would blare the radio in the car, and Katie and I would be free, even for just a moment in time. Then we would snuggle, peacefully whereever we landed. Safe. Even for just a moment. The look on her face when we would have to go home, it was crushing. But young and not many options, and really not strong enough to leave the situation.
Greg has quickly realized that I can sleep just about anywhere. Except home, when he isn’t.
That adjustment though to sleeping alone again, that did trigger some emotional whirl winds that I didn’t expect. It took a very very short time for me to getting used to being cuddled with and spooned. I got used to our dinners together, waking up together, making music together, and now we barely see each other. We are on opposite shifts, and opposite sleeping shifts.
It sucks ass.
I often refer to the situation as part of my “Irish luck”
I finally have a man I actually want to spend time with, and now, I barely get to see him.
We have all these plans, plans to change it.
Mostly surrounded by “Momma Rapper”
I’ve finally been getting adjusted but all the alone time has definitely help push the music and push to find a way to be a full time music making, chocolate baking, blog writing, stay at home Momma.
My dreams I work endlessly to achieve.
Till then baby, I’ll be waiting in the back seat till you get off work.