My Turmoil Over The Truth – The Deeper Side

Yes, for me, there is turmoil over the truth.

You see, I am very much a truth seeker.  And not just in the relationship sector of my life, in just about any aspect of my life.  I mean I can read an article, and if it sounds a little off, I am verifying, and researching.  I mean, part of that is why I am good at my regular job.  I am incredibly analytical, and that ladies and gents is a huge issue in relationships.

Most of my jobs have surrounded around finding errors, or missing links between data.  Now I am not saying that I don’t make mistakes, I am human, and often times when typing – I am thinking so fast – that sometimes I miss words, or I may have a grammar error from time to time.  I have a fast paced life, along with a phone that is on its last leg – with plenty of broken glass that I take a risk my life on every time I am on it.  Hey times are tough, and really I am able to accomplish the things I need to, so all is well for now.

Now take that error finding personality and apply that to your home.  Now if honesty and integrity in relationships was still a valid thing, then this probably wouldn’t be an issue; however, I become almost a challenge to a man.  And we all know how men love a challenge.  Like, hmm, she good – let’s see how good, let me see what I can actually get away with before she catches on.

Well not very far.  You see, when a women tells you she is analytical – pay attention to that – because that means that by nature, even if she seems like she isn’t paying attention, she is.   This translates to knowing your schedule/ routine, and close to the minute.

Well you might be thinking – well okay – most people do.  Yea – well do you know many minutes your spouse’s shower is,or how long it takes them to cook breakfast? Basically being able to walk through their life in my own eyes, but for me, it translates to numbers.

I don’t even do it intentionally – and it isn’t immediate or overnight – it is the repetition of events that stick to my brain.  It isn’t like I am calculating either, but certain things correlate for me.  For example, if you listen to music in the shower, you listen to 3 songs, depending on the type of music – typically you can expect most songs to be between 3.5 to 5 minutes in length, so typically you can expect your shower to be between 10.5 to 15 minutes in length.  It’s the correlation that makes markers in my brain.

To further that, when people speak to me, my brain is in auto pilot and draws out a picture in my head of the events taking place, and typically can pick out errors in stories.  I don’t know – it is verbal connectivity.  I love it for work purposes – and hate it when it comes to my own personal life.

Yea – I said that – because sometimes ignorance is bliss.  Maybe if I was living in a world where deception wasn’t the new truth – then yea it wouldn’t be an issue.  And like I get it.  There is so many outlets available to people to pursue infidelity.  Everyone promising everyone to be better than the last one – but really – it is the chase people love.  Not saying there aren’t people out there that find the “one” and live happily ever after – I am just saying there is a group of us in which this is our reality.

I am not being bitter either.  How many of you would HONESTLY hand their spouse their phone, and have no concerns what so ever?  And I mean complete transparency too? No deleting.  If your spouse had access to your data files, and was able to sift through ever since piece of your life on that phone, would you have concerns?

I don’t believe in privacy in a relationship.  Yea – yea I know – OMG.  How horrible.  Say what you want – but if a man is going to be laying next to me, and inside of my body – well then there is no privacy.  Sorry not sorry.  Not off the bat – but if I am in a long term committed relationship (which is often when this starts happening), then yea.  You start acting shady – what’s up – what you doing?

You want privacy with your phone – I am gonna need some privacy with this p*****.  I know sounds bitchy – but hey – whatever – it’s my life, and honestly – if you value that phone and what is in it – over your relationship, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

When you are in your twenties you concern yourself with relationships, by the time you get to be my age – late 30s – you just want honesty and security.  My pursuit of happiness now most definitely does not include a relationship.  I am completely emotionally disconnected from the male population too.  Any advances are often not noticed, and even with they are noticed – I promptly reject the idea.  Not today Satan.  I am not joking either – I have no intention nor want the distraction or frustration that comes with dating.  I am not ready – and I don’t have to be.

I want the type of relationship that includes honestly.  I want a best friend.  Your spouse is the only one that should know the deeper side of you (in all ways hahahahaha).

Have a great week 🙂

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