Struggle and survival is about all we know. So while we joke and laugh about it, the struggle we are headed for is very real.
A struggle, somehow I knew was coming.
I really had high hopes that the funding would have worked to obtain the house. It would have dropped our rent from $1025 to around $700 for mortgage (if not lower). That would have drastically improved our life.
I told myself tho, if it didn’t happen this year, I would cut my losses and move on. For 3 years I did everything I could do. It’s hard when your a single person and you have student loans that are beyond ur income because your undervalued. It was hard enough to try to make it, but then to also do the things necessary to re-establish ur credit score. It was a lot.
I pushed hard though, much like with my music.
I grew grass, built a fence, planted flowers. This was gonna be my home.
But the Irish luck of course, road block.
The landlord has been wanting to sell before I moved in. When I moved in, I didn’t have anywhere else to go. The landlord was nice enough to rent it till it sold but eventually decided to take it off of the market and I had agreed to try to buy.
Having the house held up for purchase wasn’t fair to her, and they had waited long enough.
Moving, it’s expensive. We are looking at the minimum $3600 for expenses. We are selling everything but clothes and memories to try to get the money up for a new rental, and a uhual.
Right now, combined we have about $600 and I’m freaking out.
The uncertainty of the move and all that goes with it.
If I can find housing at a decent rate, I know we can all find jobs near it, but trying to secure the job before the house to hopefully get relocation assistance.
I don’t fear the struggle for myself, but for my daughter and my pups I do.
I am the mom. I carry the weight. Our survival really depends on me, and I pray I don’t let any of them down.
My daughter is truly a spirit all her own. She has always understood the struggle, more than she should, even as a child.
I’m thankful for my pack, their understanding and unconditional love 💖
I often feel remorseful for my daughter’s life and my drive to make it better but always failing. She know I work hard tho for what little bit we have, and those closest to me often wander how I even make it. Sometimes I don’t even know. Ramen noodles maybe?
I can feel the weather changing, the clouds are disappearing, but I see another storm in the distance.
We don’t know where we are going but we are going together 💖
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