It’s always been hard for me to show emotion. And typically when I do, I come off angry instead of sad.
I look back over my 20s and I was mad. Mad about a lot of stuff. Mostly on how people could work so hard to struggle so much. Even in my early twenties I used to think to myself wow, like these people I knew, the ones better off financially what a great life that must have been. You know to never get made fun of because your clothes tore on the playground, or because everything gained always had to be a fight to get. When I was going through my first divorce I was probably the maddest. While I was working two jobs, going to school, he was taking trips with his new wife. I struggled everyday of my life for the little that we had. Of course that isn’t my mindset today. Today I look back and I realized how blessed and how hard my parents worked for what little we did have. It’s hard to make it in this life. I am incredibly blessed for everything in my life. Everything. Down to even the negatives. Every thing within the house I am in, I worked for. I bought. I plan on, Lord willing buying the house I am in too. But that has been a battle since even before I moved in due to student loans. Cause you know, improvement is great, until you go to a school and acquire a degree that you can not use, and now that school is being sued by the department of education so you are waiting for Devoss to make her move so that hopefully your debt to income ratio flips and you can finally buy that house you are in love with. But hey, even though I’ve been waiting for 2.5 years, I am hopeful something happens soon before I loose my chance to buy the house. Ass to action Devoss. Some of us have dreams and ur holding us up.(I filed before I moved into the house, if you want more information, Google Corinthian College Fraud)
All that anger was really just pain. It was a combination of failed relationships, me failing as a mother, me failing as a daughter, just a lot. Then my dad passed away. Well I never processed any of my emotions. My life was in fast forward for so long that my emotions really only consisted of happy, or mad, no in between.
Well things have slowed down, and I am processing, I am healing. So some times the emotions I never processed, well they sneak up on me. And that is okay. It’s helping me heal. And I would rather process and heal than to be angry and upset all the time.
Excuse me I’m healing 💓