Naked Beauty – Find Your Sexy – Self – Love

The title means exactly what you think it means.  Yes ladies, I am talking about feeling beautiful when you are naked.  The moment a lot of women fear, self-hate is a norm for us, but I am here to explain to you how I fixed that – and easily too.

No, I am not going to go into the working out, and all that.  I mean in reality – you guys know working out – eating healthy – creates healthy mindsets – I don’t need to be the one to tell you that, I am here to tell you that selfies can cure your self-hate image of yourself, or at the very least help some.

For me, up until my life become a solo mission – I had self-image issues.  Every insecurity you could think of – fear of mirrors, no photo please –  kind of personality.  Well now, not so much, now I am like ooo hey girl hey, to myself.  And I did that by playing dress up in some sexy stuff.

OMG I know I sound like I am 5.  Here is the thing – IDC.  I went and bought some sexy stuff.  I mean some pretty sexy stuff.  Stuff that I thought was cute – and since I am on a solo mission – trying to find things that fit a man’s vision isn’t a concern for me.  I buy it for me.  I then took these items home, and try them on.  In front of a mirror.  I take some videos, snap a few pics, then sit back and look at all that glory God has bestowed upon me.

The first time it was hard.  I could see every dimple in my thighs, I could see that my waist was so wide, that my ass looked flat from the backside.  There were all these imperfections, but then I noticed something, when I stopped looking at all the little imperfections, and I looked at myself as whole person – I didn’t look bad at all.  Like dam girl where you been my whole life?

Yea I know cocky right?  I don’t care.  Cocky sure the hell beats depression.

Now it takes some time.  And this is something I still do to this day.  Since my body has been changing from losing the weight – I am discovering a whole new body.  Even without the weight loss though – I was/am discovering my naked beauty.

My most vulnerable stage, and I am presenting it to myself.  It is a honesty thing.  Acceptance thing.  This is me, and I am beautiful.

I am undoing what has been told to me for many many years.

I mean after all – why in the hell do we allow someone else’s voice carry more value than our own?

No one knows the inner you – more than you – stop giving people that much authority over your thoughts and emotions.  Your voice is stronger than theirs, and your voice will be heard more by you than theirs.

I would like to challenge all my friends to do the same.  Find your sexy – within you – by you.  Build your confidence.  Make is solid – then it can never be shattered.

Flaunt your fabulous 🙂

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When the Rooster Doesn’t Rise (not for children) Bedroom Talk

Yea ladies I would like to discuss this bedroom no rise to shine issue.

I would have to gander that if you ever had one in your hen house then you know exactly what I am referring to, but what happens when it becomes more than an occasional occurrence?

I mean we all get the drunken Rooster, the before first pee in the morning Rooster. But those are typically rare. And we understand those. But what about the times where he should have been able to wake the neighborhood? Cock a doodle Doo you into a great morning.

Well it becomes a bad morning right?

Oh Jesus the questions we ask ourselves. What happens when the Rooster rises but then falls back to sleep during? Like goodbye self esteem hello question every body part, and sink into a slight depression over his ignorance to not see all this yum yum.

Then the awkward questions afterwards. And roosters, it pisses the hens off. Like, we expect you to rise and shine. We consider it not only a disappointment in you but also in ourselves.

Yea there’s going to be questions. Whether they are voiced or not depends on the hen, but there will be assumptions of the Rooster hitting other hen houses on the way home from work. Or if the Rooster somehow bumped his head and no longer finds the fluffy hen so fantastically gorgeous anymore and has lost interest in those thick thighs. I mean the possibilities are endless.

I would like to know from both sides. The women, have you experienced this, if so, what was the outcome?

From the men, which I doubt many would be brave enough to answer, but if any takers, if you have had this issue, what was the reason why? And were you brave enough to discuss the reasons why at the time?

I am a talker, so when it has happened, and questioned it, I would always get “can we just leave it alone”

Yea sure noodle boy, I’ll just sit here and die in my feelings, pondering which bitch ur talking to this week. Hahahaha.

Starbucks Therapy

 

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Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

My Five Minute Attitude Adjustment

Today is a rough day – but you know what?  That is okay – not every day is going to be rainbows and butterflies.

So what does today call for – some perky love from Starbucks.  I had me a gift card, and the wonderful young man at the Fowler location whipped up some good good.

While he has no idea what he did for me – there is a reason why we call some foods, comfort food.

I simply asked the man to make me something sugar free, that is comforting – and he made it happen.

To the gentleman at that location – high five buddy – you did a great job.

Sometimes we don’t know what people are going through – he didn’t know what I was going through – he didn’t have to.  He paid attention to what I needed and he delivered.  And I am thankful for that.  I got back to work – feeling much better.

He doesn’t know how much that little cup of joe meant to me – but it calmed down my nerves, so that I could have me a nice attitude adjustment.

Thanks Starbucks.

Post Coffee Attitude

 

 

My Turmoil Over The Truth – The Deeper Side

Yes, for me, there is turmoil over the truth.

You see, I am very much a truth seeker.  And not just in the relationship sector of my life, in just about any aspect of my life.  I mean I can read an article, and if it sounds a little off, I am verifying, and researching.  I mean, part of that is why I am good at my regular job.  I am incredibly analytical, and that ladies and gents is a huge issue in relationships.

Most of my jobs have surrounded around finding errors, or missing links between data.  Now I am not saying that I don’t make mistakes, I am human, and often times when typing – I am thinking so fast – that sometimes I miss words, or I may have a grammar error from time to time.  I have a fast paced life, along with a phone that is on its last leg – with plenty of broken glass that I take a risk my life on every time I am on it.  Hey times are tough, and really I am able to accomplish the things I need to, so all is well for now.

Now take that error finding personality and apply that to your home.  Now if honesty and integrity in relationships was still a valid thing, then this probably wouldn’t be an issue; however, I become almost a challenge to a man.  And we all know how men love a challenge.  Like, hmm, she good – let’s see how good, let me see what I can actually get away with before she catches on.

Well not very far.  You see, when a women tells you she is analytical – pay attention to that – because that means that by nature, even if she seems like she isn’t paying attention, she is.   This translates to knowing your schedule/ routine, and close to the minute.

Well you might be thinking – well okay – most people do.  Yea – well do you know many minutes your spouse’s shower is,or how long it takes them to cook breakfast? Basically being able to walk through their life in my own eyes, but for me, it translates to numbers.

I don’t even do it intentionally – and it isn’t immediate or overnight – it is the repetition of events that stick to my brain.  It isn’t like I am calculating either, but certain things correlate for me.  For example, if you listen to music in the shower, you listen to 3 songs, depending on the type of music – typically you can expect most songs to be between 3.5 to 5 minutes in length, so typically you can expect your shower to be between 10.5 to 15 minutes in length.  It’s the correlation that makes markers in my brain.

To further that, when people speak to me, my brain is in auto pilot and draws out a picture in my head of the events taking place, and typically can pick out errors in stories.  I don’t know – it is verbal connectivity.  I love it for work purposes – and hate it when it comes to my own personal life.

Yea – I said that – because sometimes ignorance is bliss.  Maybe if I was living in a world where deception wasn’t the new truth – then yea it wouldn’t be an issue.  And like I get it.  There is so many outlets available to people to pursue infidelity.  Everyone promising everyone to be better than the last one – but really – it is the chase people love.  Not saying there aren’t people out there that find the “one” and live happily ever after – I am just saying there is a group of us in which this is our reality.

I am not being bitter either.  How many of you would HONESTLY hand their spouse their phone, and have no concerns what so ever?  And I mean complete transparency too? No deleting.  If your spouse had access to your data files, and was able to sift through ever since piece of your life on that phone, would you have concerns?

I don’t believe in privacy in a relationship.  Yea – yea I know – OMG.  How horrible.  Say what you want – but if a man is going to be laying next to me, and inside of my body – well then there is no privacy.  Sorry not sorry.  Not off the bat – but if I am in a long term committed relationship (which is often when this starts happening), then yea.  You start acting shady – what’s up – what you doing?

You want privacy with your phone – I am gonna need some privacy with this p*****.  I know sounds bitchy – but hey – whatever – it’s my life, and honestly – if you value that phone and what is in it – over your relationship, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

When you are in your twenties you concern yourself with relationships, by the time you get to be my age – late 30s – you just want honesty and security.  My pursuit of happiness now most definitely does not include a relationship.  I am completely emotionally disconnected from the male population too.  Any advances are often not noticed, and even with they are noticed – I promptly reject the idea.  Not today Satan.  I am not joking either – I have no intention nor want the distraction or frustration that comes with dating.  I am not ready – and I don’t have to be.

I want the type of relationship that includes honestly.  I want a best friend.  Your spouse is the only one that should know the deeper side of you (in all ways hahahahaha).

Have a great week 🙂

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The Many Men and Why Women Think They Are All the Same

Partly because most are the same, just in different ways.

Let me explain this.

I don’t believe this is just for women either. I’ve come to know that men often feel these same feelings, that trust is now a thing of the past.

We constantly seek acceptance, however we are never accepting of ourselves. A feeling that often leads us in finding fullfilment in a spouse, which always leads to failed, pressured, heated and intense arguments.

We have become a society that seeks the next big thing. We are constant seekers of improvement but we try to improve in the wrong ways.

Men and women alike look around themselves and looks at their spouse and says, hmm how can I improve who they are to suite my lifestyle? And if they don’t comply, what happens? The seeking begins, looking for one that will comply.

For men, it is often times a physical denial. If a woman doesn’t fulfill a sexual desire, a man will seek it. I have come to know, that often times it isn’t because a man is just horny. Often times it’s because he has a feeling of rejection. For a man, sexual rejection is like a stab in the soul.

Women, they are emotional seekers. So if a woman doesn’t feel emotionally satisfied, she will begin to seek. When a woman gets emotionally shut down, the insecurities begin because she doesn’t feel valued enough to have her opinion mean something. So when a man comes along, with an open ear, she is eager.

Most of the time, we seek to fix each other, instead of fixing ourselves. Then by sticking it out with the wrong ones, we feel like we are stronger, because we accomplished something by modifying someone’s negative behaviors.

What I have noticed too, that yeah we modify their behaviors for sure. They get sneakier, better at their deceptions.

How will you know who you are if you are always modifying who you are to fit someone else’s idolization of who you should be?????? ~ The Momma Rapper

I know I am different, and I’m okay with that. I will continue to be the truth in a false world.

Marley & Me – A Dog’s Tale

Meet Marley

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I can say without a doubt – he is the love of my life.  They always say dogs come into our lives for a reason – and I truly believe that.  To be quite honest I was kind of in that in between stage.  Wanting a dog, but knowing you can’t really afford another mouth to feed.  Well the kid and I had tossed around the idea, and it just so happened about a week after that conversation – along came home a very rough-looking pup.  A fat one, but a rough-looking one.

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(My two babies)

OMG isn’t he just the cutest.  Yes he is.  I know.  LOOK AT HIM hahahaha.  My daughter quite beautiful too – I KNOW.  I have beautiful babies.  Marley was actually her dog the first few weeks – but she is young – and well I used that against her to take possession of him.  I basically force adopted him hahahaha.  But really she knew him and I were meant to be.  Especially after the night she wanted to take him out-of-town and I had a complete crying fit – yeah – that was the night I knew I fell in love with him.

I am not joking either.  My daughter can attest to this story.  I was getting onto her about having the responsibilities of having a dog – and that she couldn’t be leaving during the weekends and leaving the dog to  me.

Then she pop off with – well I will take him with me.  HELL NO.  Like it was bad enough my child was grown – but like now you wanna take my grand baby riding around doing God knows what, what if he runs off or gets hurt.  He won’t know how to get home cause he just got here.  Yea yea – I know – I became my mother.

The thing is – that for those 3 weeks that Marley had been here – Katie had been gone on the weekends.  Me and this little one – we started doing things together.  Like, everything.  At the time he was a pup – I still had a regular vehicle.  So he got to go to the laundry mat, to the grocery store, I mean he was little so like you could just hold him like a baby hahaha.  screenshot_2017-12-01-10-45-35

Marley car rides

Isn’t he adorable 🙂 hahaha.

A bond that is really unmatched.  If I had to choose to do something with friends or Marley, it’s gonna be Marley.  I mean after all, he has been there through a lot.  And he is always down to do whatever.

All I got to say is “Marley wanna go ______” and he is like yep.  I could say let’s go to bed, he would be like, yep.  Wanna go on a walk, YEEEPPPP.  Wanna dance, yep.  Wanna throw fetch, yep.  Wanna sit out back and watch the stars, YEP.  He really does enjoy those things – or he is just pretty good at playing along hahahaha.

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Marley nap time

He gets me through the tough times.  He makes me laugh when I am sad.  He loves me unconditionally, despite how I look, how I feel, he is always there.  If I want to eat junk food, he says nothing, he just wants a bite, he is most definitely my partner in crime.  He is tough when he needs to be, even though he acts like a baby sometimes – when called to arms – he is there.

To be honest – he reminds me a little of my dad.  He does the things I know my dad would do if he was still here, and that would be comfort and protect.  Two things I’ve never experienced from a spouse, I at least had the blessing of having that growing up.  Something many people lack, and probably why I pose as a challenge for most men – because a weak man will never be a good match for me.

Yep, a Daddy’s girl.  Raised in the mud, tough as nails, a mouth you can’t control, witty and wild.

There are a lot of things that I know I would have never done alone, that I have been able to do because I have Marley by my side.  And a lot of those things have to do with my father.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post – we spent a great deal of time outdoors, as a family, building cypress furniture.  Even as kids, all of us, my cousins included would gather around a peel bark – or do whatever to earn money to able to go to the store.

Yea sounds crazy – but it taught us how to earn a living.  Nothing in life is free, NOTHING.  It cost someone, something, somehow, in some capacity, even if it is free to you.  Most of us picked up some tricks of the trade, and while my skill is nothing compared to the boys of the family, being the only girl – I can still build some shit.

It had been a long time since I had picked up a hammer, other than to hang picture frames.  I always loved to build things too.  That wasn’t really an option in the second marriage.  My vision didn’t line up with his – so it was better to just set that to the side, it was better than arguing.

You see, I got Marley at a time where I was transitioning into the single life, once again, and this time, in a different capacity than ever before.  At the time I didn’t know it, but looking back now.  I don’t know – he brought me companionship in a time where I needed it the most.

As I have said previously, single life isn’t for the weak.  There are a lot of lonely nights – and often times you can find yourself losing sleep, or losing yourself.  Trying to analyze your life, trying figure it all out.  Scary nights.  Getting used to the silence.  It was all scary.  Yes, even though I hate to admit it, even those crying nights.  You might say, well you got a kid.  Yea – a grown one, and even two years ago – she was still 17 – she was still gone most weekends.

Well do you know what happens when you get a pup?  They keep you busy.  They give you someone to talk to.  They kiss your tears away.  They curl up to you when you need them.  He makes me laugh.  He protects the house.  He watches movies, and even is my personal trainer.  Yep my personal trainer, cause he loves him some jogging.

 

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Marley Playing

With having Marley by my side, I guess in a way – it helped me learn more about me, because I am more willing to do things alone, because really I am not alone.  He is here.  He helped me paint the house we are in, helped me build quite a few picture frames.  He stands in the kitchen and watches me cook without saying anything when I am sneaking some snacksies.  Probably cause he just waiting on his.

Most people think he got the name from the movie, but actually after The Marley family.  And while I joke that Marley is nothing like his name intended, cause he has no chill, in reality – he name is very suiting.  He brought me love and peace at a time in which a war was raging within my soul.  He helped me get back to my creative and adventurous side.  He is my peace.  I mean you walk into your doors, and like how could your day not be left at the door, when they are so excited to see you??? Like they love you – even if you are covered in sweat, dirt, they gives no fks.  They like come here let me lick yo face! Hahahaha.

 

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So the next time you look at Mars and say he isn’t my son – you can kiss my jelly fish.

 

Marley & Me

 

Fat to Fit in Fast Forward – Transforming Life

See the transition

Attached you will see some of the transitional workout pictures.  I am so blessed to be where I am at today with my weightloss journey.

Consistency is Key

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Let’s Talk Money – Fiscal Fitness

I don’t have any – but I do have a lot of great advice on how to make poor look pretty.

This is the best advice I give anyone in regards to finances.

First you need to determine your needs, vs your wants.

How do you discover that cause we all need everything?

Well if you are poor it comes easy – but for the rest – this might be actual work, but I make it easy.

So you are trying to figure out where to start with a budget because you need to save some money, or have something planned, and you are trying to determine what things you can keep, and what things you need to stop.

I will make it super easy for you.

Take the expense – and make it into an annual expense – and best believe you will be more than happy to trim some of that excess spending.

For example:

NAILS

Are you a woman who get’s her nails done every two weeks like clock work?

What does it cost you ANNUALLY to have those beautiful nails?

Now let’s go with the lower cost – 20.00 (average in the Tampa Bay Market for a basic fill).

There are 52 weeks in the year, so if you are getting them done every other week – cut that in half.

So now you have $20.00 x 26 fills = You just spent $520.00 annually on your nails, if you were to only spend 20.00 and we all know – you never just spend the $20.00 unless you absolutely have to.

That is an incredible amount of money on nails.  This is how I survive on minimal income.  I translate everything into annual costing – and I make my decisions based on those numbers.  Of course this is easier when you have no money, than when you do have have money.  If that is the case, you will need discipline as well, but annual calculations will assist by making you more inclined to cut off unnecessary expenses.

 

Happy Budgeting Bitches.

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CBD THC & ME

CBD,THC, ME

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Photo by Michael Fischer on Pexels.com

My life with gastroparesis poses quite a few issues for me.  One of them is learning to work around it.  There are things that I still don’t get to do; however I feel that through my diet, and exercise routines I am starting to where I can get back to enjoying life.  It has been a rough few days, but I know like all pain – it is temporary and will pass.  I just keep reminding myself to breathe.  It is funny that I compare the pain to labor pains, cause I can still hear my Mid-wife – Dr. Delrose whisper to me, just breathe through the pain, something she said to me as my daughter was ripping my lower half of my body apart to make her grand arrival 🙂 It very much feels like that – but more stabby.

Bad episodes are pretty trying – and I have learnt to be forthcoming in the fact that I have this condition – because honestly, unless you have seen an episode, or know anything about it – it probably doesn’t sound so bad, but if you have ever had food poisoning, then you understand at least that part of it.  If you take the pain and ripping apart cramps from labor pain and combine that with a dose of food poisioing – then you might be close to a bad episode.

Now for me bad episodes don’t come near as often as they used to.  I have to contribute that to the keto, working out, and diet modifications.  I mean, you only have to become violently ill so many times before you really deep dive into your condition.

This week’s episode, brought on by broccoli, well I was really thinking for a minute I was going to have to go to the hospital. Not that they are able to do anything really, other than Zofran – which I have, maybe some more pills, that will make me feel sick. So really there is nothing that can be done.  You deal, and you keep it moving.

Luckily I am feeling a little better today.  But I am weak, tired, and ready for this episode to subside.

But heyy – I had peanut butter and whipped cream for dinner so like it ain’t all bad 🙂

Happy days y’all.