And here comes the emotional momma side

My baby is getting married.

And her dad is the one that told the boy yes.

πŸ˜’He just giving her away.

Like the boy actually asks and you had the moment of authority to throw a tantrum and yet you simply say “I guess”

πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’

And I know at the end of the day they gonna do what they want but still.

You say “I guess”

I guess it’s a good thing ur the dad cause I would have totally stomped through the house thrown myself on the floor and completely pouted to scare him off.

Which we still happen but like the boy been around too long he already comes to expect it so like I am helpless.

You kidnapping theif and I guess giving away our baby, baby Daddy. πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’

πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜

πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’

πŸ˜’

πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’

Homemade Love

Yes around here, even wedding decor is homemade. Momma might be broke but we still gonna make it beautiful.

Reclaimed wood.

Left over paint.

Family time activated .

She was not enthused with the heat today. Fall where?

I might not be able to afford the world but I can at least paint her life beautiful 😘

my daughter getting hitched

The Fireworks Then The Explosion ~ Momma Rapper in Her Feels

How many time have you dated someone and like you honestly thought wow this could be the one that changes every perception you have of relationships, love, acceptance, understanding? Only to come to the same conclusion each and every time. Hell now I don’t even give the opportunity for error. I just need candid honest, I can be incredibly understanding of many situations, but not of deception.

I need to lead the next relationship with both feet planted firmly in the right direction.

I just don’t have the energy to have to feel unsteady because of betrayal.

#thebeautifultruth

momma rapper

He Is Stealing My Baby

Yep my baby girl is getting married. In less than a month away.

She is young. Only 19. I know the reactions by some but let me say this.

This is her life. She is young and she is free to live her life how she chooses. Who am I to say what is right for her? If I knew how things were supposed to be done, I wouldn’t be sitting here two times divorced, once damaged in measures most wouldn’t understand.

We are all quick to judge what is right for someone else, who makes you the fucking expert? Shit I’m knocking on 40 and like I don’t have the shit figured out.

Love and acceptance is what we seek and value the most. She knows she will always have that, congrats baby girl.

I love you

My daughter is getting married.

The Many Men and Why Women Think They Are All the Same

Partly because most are the same, just in different ways.

Let me explain this.

I don’t believe this is just for women either. I’ve come to know that men often feel these same feelings, that trust is now a thing of the past.

We constantly seek acceptance, however we are never accepting of ourselves. A feeling that often leads us in finding fullfilment in a spouse, which always leads to failed, pressured, heated and intense arguments.

We have become a society that seeks the next big thing. We are constant seekers of improvement but we try to improve in the wrong ways.

Men and women alike look around themselves and looks at their spouse and says, hmm how can I improve who they are to suite my lifestyle? And if they don’t comply, what happens? The seeking begins, looking for one that will comply.

For men, it is often times a physical denial. If a woman doesn’t fulfill a sexual desire, a man will seek it. I have come to know, that often times it isn’t because a man is just horny. Often times it’s because he has a feeling of rejection. For a man, sexual rejection is like a stab in the soul.

Women, they are emotional seekers. So if a woman doesn’t feel emotionally satisfied, she will begin to seek. When a woman gets emotionally shut down, the insecurities begin because she doesn’t feel valued enough to have her opinion mean something. So when a man comes along, with an open ear, she is eager.

Most of the time, we seek to fix each other, instead of fixing ourselves. Then by sticking it out with the wrong ones, we feel like we are stronger, because we accomplished something by modifying someone’s negative behaviors.

What I have noticed too, that yeah we modify their behaviors for sure. They get sneakier, better at their deceptions.

How will you know who you are if you are always modifying who you are to fit someone else’s idolization of who you should be?????? ~ The Momma Rapper

I know I am different, and I’m okay with that. I will continue to be the truth in a false world.

Love Lies

It really does right?

I mean how many times have you mean in a relationship, and felt as though it was aΒ FirestormΒ of emotions, only to be left feeling like what the fuck?

Firestorm is a nickname I had given myself for my fierce attitude and flaming red hair.Β  I mean if you knew me you would really understand.

We will completely and utterly crush our own soul just to have some type of involvement with a man – just so we won’t be alone.Β  And I know I am not the only female that has done this.Β  I have legit sat across from a man – and listened to him – while in my head I say to myselfΒ  “Why do I subject myself to such a destructive, demeaning, narcissistic dick head?”Β  And for what?Β  For that chair not to be empty?

I mean yeah – now – I am like nah – I don’t even want anyone to look at the chair.

But this was kind of along the transitional phase.Β  Then there is those few attempts I have made at dating.Β  And let me tell you how the one that was just like wow went.Β  So yeah – I met a guy on POF – for the sake of the story we will come him Lemon.Β  Well Lemon and I met for our first date – it went great – like really great – but then came the second date.

And let me tell you how it went downhill so fast.Β  Now listen there was a dry spell – so yea I had slept with him the first night we met in person.Β  Jesus I know – I’m a whore.Β  What ever, we all know half y’all are on Tinder, despite half y’all denying itΒ  And no different then meeting someone at the bar – at least I had talked to him for a while before I let him come to the castle.

Anyways – it was great – then like yea – second date.Β  Where it all went wrong.Β  And the aftermath has me, to this day, quite nervous to even test the water in the dating pond.

So we go over to his house and then I realized yep THIS IS WHY I AM FUCKING SINGLE

Like let’s start off with the fact – that him and his mom live together.Β  Now listen – I get it – no sense in having your own place – financial – etc – BUUUTTT

If you live with your family – and intend on the person staying the night – I don’t know – how the f a woman supposed to be comfortable rocking the rodeo if your momma, is 5 feet down the hall.Β  Legit, 5 feet.Β  In a condo.Β  That he supposedly “co-owned” with his mum.

WHICH WAS A LIE

Now listen ladies.Β  I have be single for a while.Β  But dead ass, I don’t give a dam how much fun a man is, if you come through and I cantch you in even the smallest lie, your done.Β  Like done done done done…Β  The crazy thing is – if he would have told me he was in a financial bind, I would have understood.Β  There was nothing to be shameful about.Β  I struggle, like dam I get it.Β  There is no shame in struggle, only in deception.

I will never be desperate enough to let a man into my soul with impure intent, deception by any manner goes to the quality of your morals.Β  If you “casually” lie – I know what you are about.Β  And the truth always comes out – cause I am fkng paying attention.

But it didn’t stop there.Β  I mean I could almost understand why he wouldn’t have been forthcoming with that, due to ego.

Nah – that would be too easy right.Β  The second failed moment – was when I was asking a question about the mural on the wall in the hallway – and he had disregarded it and actually said “shut up”.Β  Like wow ass – like I am trying to learn – I am trying to engage – and you are just like shutting me down.Β  Now he was laughing when he said it – but he wasn’t really playing, and you could tell – cause he changed the subject immediately to an interest that better suited him.Β  Like my ass.Β  Which yea it is pretty dam great – but I like engagement on more than a physical matter, so when you shut me down with something that is sexually related, I knew what he was about.

And here is the thing, I have already went through a controlling relationship – I have healed, so the first sign of control is shutting down, or belittling someone so that they feel weak and unloved, so that they never leave.Β  It is manipulation at it’s finest.Β  And I am not the type of woman – this has to be done to.Β  I don’t need a variety pack of men to feel happiness. Clearly I have none, and I am incredibly happy without – so unless you are able to let me be who I am and enjoy life, then you won’t be in my life.Β  #facts

 

 

 

 

 

My Deepest Demon for You to See

You know over the past few months if you scroll through my news feed you will notice an incredible transformation, and I’m not talking about the Weightloss I am talking about me coming out of my cacoon.

You see my entire life I held a Secret deep inside. Well that works out great till your daughter and you spend an incredible amount of time together. The older the get, the more they notice. Something you trying to hide, they eventually catch on to, cause God knows my family nosey as hell.

But you see, me rapping was almost like sinful. Not lady like. More for boys, and not a sweet southern mom from the Hills.

But that is me. So I lived this hidden life, shielding everyone from who I am, the thoughts that actually go on in my head.

But you see, this wasn’t talent in my family, there was no voice without tone, so not time was given to craft, what I realized was part of my life as a creative spirit.

I would show the world what was expected from me in the creative sense. Cakes, building, painting, drawing, decorating. I mean these are all things that people can be accepting of.

Be a white fat girl from the sticks and spit some of the shit that comes out my mouth, well you are looked at as mad, dramatic, and untamed. But really, it was my outlet. Probably why I was never happy. What made me truly happy, made people look at me like I was fucking crazy.

Well yeah know what? I am.

I am a good mom.

I am a good daughter

I am spiritual.

And yeah I have a mouth no one can control.

#letmebefreetobeme

Momma Rapper

Making Music Move ~ A Man on the Rise ~ An Up ~ Coming Artist Hitting the Rap Scene

And who would have even fucking knew? Not me? Why because I wasn’t paying attention. And like HOW tf NOONE gonna tell me about it?

Like what’s up hills? Like I didn’t see that shit on the school website? Like come on now. Like why am I always the last to know?

Like let me tell yall something too. Even when this man messaged me, I curbed him.

I hate to admit it, I didn’t even look at his profile. It’s instagram, it doesn’t say who it is.

And I’m so focused on me right now, I said thanks and kept moving.

He was actually telling me good job on my music. I was appreciative and very thankful but in my experience on Instagram, soon he would tell me he was stationed in Afghanistan and needs a wife soon after I picked up on his broken English even though he was from Michigan ???? So anyways yeah kept it moving.

For some time too.

Till the next message.

Now as you can see there is over 2 weeks in those messages but then he said that, and I was like hold the fks up. Who is you??? So investigative Annie came out to play and discovered this is my middle thru high school friend Herbert. Now I am sure this is his preferred name, however I called him Herby.

The crazy thing is, this boy he was smart and discovered still very driven into his dreams although different in ways that I would come to discover.

We have been out of school for close to 20 years. I know, I know ladies, reality tho. The last time I seen him, was so long ago, it’s rather blurry but he was in a white sedan that was broke down and he had no time to deal with visiting at that moment. And we never seen each other again.

We were pretty close in school so I was super happy to connect once again.

But then I discovered he does this all music thing.

He writes music like whhhaaattt???

So he sends me some of his music and I’m completely fucking took back. Like dam homie air high five cause like you done went through some shit and now you speaking on some real shit.

And like it’s pretty bad ass having a friend that shares artistic talents.

I hope y’all give him a go.

And share it up please.

Small town people, rarely make it out and up, let’s help him rise yall. Support me, by supporting him, and I will see and support you too in your endeavors

#letselivate

Screenshot_20181010-231734~2.png

A Man On the Rise

Watch Him Rise

Up in Dreams

Apple Candy

Remember Me

Why Do We Stay In Dead End Relationships?

Probably for the same reason we stay in dead end jobs.Β  Partly because we are lazy, and partly because it is comfortable.Β  I speak from experience.Β  I mean how many times does a man need to screw up before I am like okay – you need to go?Β  Apparently quite a bit.

I have been trying to figure that question out for some time now.Β  Being alone – it takes work.Β  I mean sleeping alone in itself can be scary.Β  Not to mention the feeling of abandonment when your used to your phone being blown up day in and day out.

We stay hopeful too.Β  Like oh, he made a mistake, but he is going to change.Β  And then as women we feel like we are raising this boy into a man – so we feel accomplished.Β  What I have realized though – is when you have to be the boy’s momma – he will always make mistakes – and you will always be left cleaning up the mess.

How many times have you been disrespected in any capacity – and yet stayed – and have you ever asked yourself why?

I have come to know my reasons, and I will be candid.

First off – I like comfortable.Β  From everything in life to my jammies to my relationship.Β  I want a man to fit my lifestyle like a glove, don’t complicate shit for me – it will irritate me.

Secondly I never felt like I deserved more than what was in front of me.Β  OMG I know, but hey self-realization is hard – but when you become honest with yourself – your life starts to come together.

Third – I am lazy – I would rather comfortable and knowing that the person in front of me is an ass hole over the next one that I don’t know – and I don’t know what they bring to the table – cause God knows the other switch outs didn’t play too good in my favor in the past.

Fourth – loneliness used to scare the shit out of me.Β  Now I rather enjoy it – and often find that now it takes more work to be social than to be alone.Β  This one is the hardest. Often times, we as women, we don’t give ourselves enough credit.Β  I guess maybe from the teachings of Adam and Eve, we as women feel like we need a man to thrive, to survive, but I am here to tell you – I have been alone for the past 2 years – and it has been the hardest, most rewarding 2 years of my life.Β  Learning to be alone – you realize how to love yourself.

Now the benefit to the 4th, is that when you are left alone, on your own, you learn your true strengths, and with that – the other 3 get cancelled out.

Being alone isn’t for the weak – cause God knows there would be times to where I didn’t feel like I could go on any longer alone, but you stay with your grind, and you figure shit out.Β  The fear that I have now is that I am so happy in my own little world that I won’t let a man be a part of it hahahaha – they have a tendency to ruin things for me. Hahaha.

Relationships take work – but I have to tell all you beautiful bitches a secret.

People only treat you how you allow them to treat you.

Yea you heard me.Β  PEOPLE ONLY TREAT YOU HOW YOU ALLOW THEM TO.

Repeat it again PEOPLE ONLY TREAT YOU HOW YOU ALLOW THEM TO

Speak up for yourself .Β  USE YOUR WORDS.Β  Express your feelings, we need to work on our own communication skills before we can expect our spouses to do the same.

We have become a society in which we are in constant need of fixing other people’s life – we don’t realize our own life needs some fixing.

Start with YOU, cause I promise in your quest to repair yourself – people filter themselves out naturally!!!!!!

Have a fabulous day my friends.IMG_20180919_201935_891

 

 

 

 

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