There’s so much good happening and so much scary. I’ve grown appreciative over the last few days over my daughter’s willingness to continue to struggle, even more so than we are now, in hopes for a better future. Something she said kind of still just keeps repeating in my head…
“How’s that any different than now”
I don’t really recall the details and even if I don’t I do and to go into detail might throw a lot off and really, this life, we are used to, and we are blessed even with just having bare essentials, and for us, that’s never included much more than each other šÆš we make due each and every day because we are survivors.
And to be even more honest, this really is the only plan I have because I know soon the things with my job were going to get even worse than they already are, and with the news of the loan not passing underwriters, I just knew it was time to let go, I could feel the turbulence and I knew soon things were going to crash and burn. The stress from trying to get to the point of buying the house and the stress from my job, that actually had nothing to do with the work itself, long story short after 4 years at my job, and 3 years of trying to buy the house, both battles, I just feel defeated. I feel defeated.
I’m not afraid to admit it. Every survivor stands strong after being knocked down. I’ve been knocked down year after year and I’m ready to take my losses, admit defeat, and go gain strength to heal. No job is easy, no road is easy, but I’ve done my 25 straight years of struggle and I’m tired. Something has to give.
There’s a song I started write a while ago, and I can’t get quite past the chorus because quite frankly it’s just too deep right now.
A lot of people struggle in silence and I’ve said that for a long time. And really boss Mom’s, we handle shit and keep trucking, but this fight for survival, this shit been going on long enough. I dread paydays. I work so hard, put up with so much unnecessary bullshit.. and for what?
So that I have $36.00 to last me two weeks š¤
I don’t even have a car š I have a fucking scooter šŖ
Staying and fighting and struggling is not working. It’s time to try something new. Something crazy. It may get bad. But we were facing a rocky road regardless. At least this way, we can have some hope for something better, and hell, if that carries us through the difficult times, then so be it.
Like I said in Poverty a few weeks ago, we will spin this like pottery and make it pretty, cause even in the worst of the worst, I know my daughter and I can look at each other, dust ourselves off and laugh cause we know we got each other. #itsyouandme
A lot of people think Finally Standing Up is about a relationship, but it’s not. It was a bad day at work and it was basically like, okay, I can see, you will never see me, so I’ll work endlessly to push my music, until someone sees me.
I’m crazy, but I’m loving. I’m funny, but hard-working. I stand on my own integrity, because I know, I always give 150% until the scales start to tip too heavy ā then I adjust accordingly.
I often don’t understand why shit always has to be so hard, but I guess that’s how soldiers are made. I guess it’s time to suit up.
Things are about to get pretty rocky for a while, but hopefully when we come out other side of the path, this one leads to peace and prosperity š
We have decided to sell off all of our belongings. We can only really take clothes and memories, our bare necessities. Even that isn’t a lot so I did keep the GoFundMe up from the closing costs and changed it to relocation support. It’s kind of ironic, it was up for a while for the closing costs and never got any donations and I changed it, and we got the first one today, and we are incredibly moved by that. Every little bit will help. If you can’t donate, sharing is caring. š
I Smell Cakes and Candy 